Im constantly at war; if not with others then with myself. Its tiring. I was close to tears on the train last night, thinking about the ills of the world, of daddy of mommy and idk.. thinking of fucked up everybody's life is. and i was close to tears. desperate. wishing desperately or with futility that the train would just derail. silently begging for something to just crush me and take me out of this place. desperately wanting to get out. it was unbearable.
{ 12:26 AM }

Funny how little it takes to chase my anger away.
{ 11:08 AM }

oookie .. I thought it was safe to publish smth more personal but i guess people still visit this decrepit site. gahh.

too litte time.
{ 9:33 AM }

No no i'm not gon fall for it. Dont you fucking raise my expectations only to disappoint me. No fuckload of promises, no honey coated words. I dont get why you'd wanna do such a thing. Because i'm already starting to get disappointed. Now you dont want that do you?. you're not my everything. i can live without you.

Its sad. To see you as a totally different person. I find you childish and vile. Desperate, socially awkward and..repugnant.
{ 8:21 AM }

Buttered last night with limmy kari janice and afew of art's friends.so fun. limmy got picked up by like a million people. I almost got assaulted. Bumped into the divers and adam made our night.

I have lost faith in the system. 80%. And i feel that this is a perfectly legit reason for wanting out. No its not depression or an emotional scar or anything stupid like that. The bottom line is, all of us are born into this system and therefore we are obliged to live by it. I dont. I hate it. i loathe the system. Its dispicable. As such, i want out. But the lack of courage only makes things worse because the older i get, the more tangled up i am ...it just gets worse. i want out.
{ 1:19 AM }

Alright, after struggling between two polarised views on marriage for like eons, i am finally ( more or less) convinced that marriage is a social construct. has been and always will be. The idealised notion of marriage, that it is a 'blessed union of two indivs' and all tt jazz , is also synthetic; by religious institutions and Man's venerable capacity for deceit and self denial. HENCE, marriage is FAKE and there's no sanctity to it whatsoever. Unless, u wna believe that there is, when there isnt, then there will be , even though there is none. ha.

Dear world, if you have not already noticed, i have become much more reclusive and less introspective. That is not to say i have regressed into a vapid hobbo,though.

i am fine. I still hate my life. I still hate the contriction.
{ 11:12 AM }

Should have brought a camera with us yesterday. dayum.
{ 6:37 AM }

misses the boy.
{ 4:33 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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