Monday, October 31, 2005
i coughed. what an abhorrent reflex action to something so..revolting. i coughed. what the fuck is wrong with me? I knew i'd feel like shit after reading . But, whatever. I dont like to hurt, but i always inflict it upon myself. what the fuck is wrong with me?

Feel like stabbing myself a thousand times.
Cheryl, i feel no sympathy for u because u brought this upon yourself.

I wish I wasn't flesh and blood
I would not be scared
Of bullets built with me in mind
For then I could be saved

{ 12:30 PM }

Sunday, October 30, 2005
Guess wat. wait. speaking of Guess. the endless string of ads have sparked the inane curiosity in me to check it outtt.. bah. i bet i'll be nice. But then i thot to myself " everyone at the roadshow will smell just like me" that got me back to work. lols.

i ended up having dinner with my relatives at Geylang. wasnt particularly jovial throughout the car ride because of the following reasons :

1. They shout. not talk. for afew instances, i actually felt the compressions.

2. hungry hungry hungry!

i'm used to being the only 'kid' around. most of the time, i just slouch at the side and try to listen to teh radio. i dare not blast it cos it'll reflect badly on me. (heh!) but. yeah. Dinner was okay. witnessed some hilarious drama involving mixed orders and a seething waitress. the ppl there run and speak really fast. damn! they shud slide. make it more movie-like. heh.

There came a point in time where i felt like bolting out of the place. It was so noisy, i felt like screaming. and my hands wer numb from the cold so i gave up texting. lols.

i dont really like hip hop
Radio's full of hip hop t'night.

grrrr

{ 11:20 PM }

i thot i'd better write an entry..before i forget. or something.

i'm feeling rather ...estranged from everything. . . I dont know if its the ruminate-like nasi lemak i had for lunch or the staggering influx of knowledge . Either way. cheryl feels bereft AND SHE NEEDS A HUG. *sulk*

...and i'm hungry. hungry people = irritable aggitated naggy people.

i've nothing else left to say.


oh. Happy Deeparaya. hhur hur. =(

dammit. hate my life.

{ 6:05 PM }

Wednesday, October 26, 2005
hmm. It amazes me how stupid SOME people are. i mean. how can anyone be so dumb. sometimes, i wonder whts going on in their minds n try to see things from their perspective. Each time, i end up questioning myself. Do they not have even a modicum of common sense?! argh. perhaps its intergral pride , or lack of control of their feelings . I think its a huge part of it attributes to immaturity. you know what? grow up. period.

*shakes head*

How vapid
How shallow.

{ 11:42 PM }

Monday, October 24, 2005
As of today, i'm one paper closer to freeedom. Its so close.. i can almost smell it. HAW HAW HAW. okay. sick. Do anticipate bland lamenting later on . Things always have a way of letting u down, as do men's testicles and women's breasts. *chuckles*

Good Luck ya'll .

{ 10:24 AM }

Sunday, October 23, 2005
whoa. i re-read my previous entry . and no, i cant justify how righteous indigation has somehow vetoed over logic and sense. *hangs head in shame* inner peace my ass man.

I had better get going with my dinner. baby, rrelatives are here. i miss my cousins.

" Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder
The beholder lost his eyes "
-mark.

{ 6:28 PM }

Saturday, October 22, 2005
hoho . i feel high man. fucking high. as high as anyone w.o alcohol can get man. wooo. sha told me someone has a blog. and so i went. and oh by joe, guess what i found out. *grin* see. i knew it. i fucking knew it. i knew it all along. i can be like some code decipher so something. i'm such an analyser. and it fucking pays. but not that fucking much cos i'm..well . rather stubborn. but whu fucking cares. yeah she's a bitch. one hell of a bitch. and if the law permits, i'd be chopping her into pieces. or something. but that'll dirty my hands. i dont know. i hate her so fucking much! fugly whore with unkempt hair. prollz has like maggots growing in em or something. FUCk!



but i closed the window cos i cudn't bare to read anymore. but fuck yo. too bad sha's sleeping . i need to bitch. period. ARGH. i FUCKING KNEW IT! cant get over that fact. i so fucking knew it. just so fuctup.

the only good from all of this - besides my explicit use of language - is that it has galvanized me back to reality. Its like i just shot up from my coffin. mMm.. FUCKERS. everyone there's a fucker. hypocrites. callous pus oozing zombies with large swollen infected mouldy nipples. I HOPE U SUFFER FROM PENILE THROMBOSIS U PRICKY SCUMBAG!! DIE MOTHA FUCKA DIE!!

oh. on the way to CWP, we kinda talked . no mocked bout something rather sensitive and i kinda said something wrong and this uncle beside sha kept looking at me. thankfully, he didnt glare cos i sure wud have glared back.

ps- This is not retaliation . Its revolt.

whoa. did i just say all that shit?

{ 4:24 PM }

Friday, October 21, 2005
.. whats with jimmy. jimmy the explorer -white stripes. Jimmy get high-daniel powter(or smth) . so long jimmy- james blunt. what the FUCK is with jimmy? i think jimmy is an awful name. i think cheryl is a fabulous name. like..cheryl the explorer. cheryl get high. so long cheryl. cheryl rocks. cheryl cheryl cheryl the stupid bitch. cheryl.

so my dad bought 2 cute walkie talkies last night. man.. i thot wt's are like huge and black and unattractive. but this one was stubby small and cute! i had a fun time messing around with it. HE HE.

... i hav nothing else to say. maybe..tomorrow.

There comes a time when u're so numbed by everything that nothing surprises u anymore.
Maybe thats... nirvana. iim so calm it scares me. i'm so unpreturbed , it irks me. where's the anger and the hate and the angst. where's the misery and the rest?

well. the Os are around the corner. i propose an after party after grad.

And we'll love again and we'll laugh again
We’ll CRY again and we'll dance again
And it's better off this way
So much better off this way
I can't clean the blood off the sheets in my bed <-- so funnie. its like having period. LOL


Never again, and never again
They gave us two shots to the back of the head
And we're all dead now

{ 6:26 PM }

Thursday, October 20, 2005
i was idling. And my mind began to drift . shit. this is just bout as incoherent as i can get. Actually, i stumbled upon something that made me think about him And i'm just a tad bit forlorn now. cos maybe i regret what i did. maybe it was the better..maybe it wasnt.. . i dont know. cus he sure was nice and i enjoyed hanging out with him. but . whatever. *chuckles* i'm better of this way. sure, why not. since everyone thinks so. me? what do i know.

Carve your name into my arm
Instead of stressed
I lie here charmed.

{ 3:15 PM }

Wednesday, October 19, 2005
hi all . Bio pract was shit. The time after bio pract was worse. And... Bush sucks. but thats not the point. we were fooling around in westmall when i had this urge to go hmv buy some Cds. but the others thot i had an ulterior motive (which is sincerely did NOT) but whatever yo. Bought james blunt's album. Not that its horrible or anything, in fact, its superb. great song to slit ur wrist to. just like coldplay. one of those depressing, sad, melacholic tunes. but given by mood at at time, ah. all it did was made me feel like a blob of pus. really. so yeah. i felt like shit the whole day.

kinda felt like shit the whole of todae too. had bio. which was kinda degrading cos i got the easiest of qns wrong.. then i slept for like an hour during Amath mock paper. hahahaha. that was fun. but h aftermath was fuctup. cos i knew heng wud gimme that " i'm so disppointed" face. bleargh. whatever.

And i feel like shit now too.
i'm just so shitty.

I wish I could surrender my soul
Shed the clothes that become my skin
See a liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I'd screamed out loud
Instead I've found no meaning.
*

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray
.I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain
.
Liars go to hell.

{ 4:47 PM }

Saturday, October 15, 2005
i was reading an article in TIMES webbie and it triggered this inalienable urge to voice my thots : WHATS THE BIG HOO YA BOUT GAYS FOR?! we all are familar with the social stigma these sexually challenged individuals face[ed] but reality check here. its the 21st century where transvestites reign the brothels, girls woo guys .. where being different gives no right for being looked down upon! ppl talk about homosexuals like its something dire. i bet to differ . i mean . so what ? the funnie thing is, there's a foundation that awards scholarships to gay teens?! look, if eliminating the sordid incrimation of being gay is wht they're hoping to achieve , then i think their plan is just guna backfire. Imagine, having a colleague going " oh. i'm on a gay scholarship" . anyone had to be senile to think of him as " the guy whu's on a gay sholarship" . so much for purging labels huh. bleah.

on a straighter note, i'm totally in love with Franz Ferdinand. they play swinging music. i watched them live on mtv in the evening. i dont know if hyperglycemia played a part but i was jumping to them. LOL. And the only time i stopped was because my dad interrupted my theraputic stress relieve session. -chuckles-


on the way home from dinner , i saw stars and the big round moon.
... and i made a wishhh

you lucky lucky
you're so lucky!

{ 11:17 PM }

Thursday, October 13, 2005
OMG. just found out smth.

*clears throat*
that girl. *pause* is stupid.

{ 7:48 PM }

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
short entry. andi'mgunatypereallyfastcosidonthavetheluxuryoftimerightnow. time is of the essence. yes yes!

i detest ppl whu let me out , hate those who break promises, and loathe liars . well okay, so maybe they have good intentions behind it. but a white lie is still a freakin lie , as is a broken pormise , cancelled appointment or whatever. i daresay i'm not the only one who thinks this way. lols. And the sole engender in expressing this unreasonable stand of mine is....none other than some trival matter. which i refuse to promulgate.! =p nyah nyah nyah poo poo

i'm getting increasinly frustrated with myself for side tracking . perhaps, my abysmal perfomance at the mock papers will somehow steer me back to the righteous path . HAHAH. RIGHTEOUS. rRIGHT. lmao.

if i have not misred, we females are born with 10 million ova at hand and somehow it drops to 2 million. how awesome is that? i had the ability to give birth to the a part of china!

{ 2:38 PM }

Tuesday, October 11, 2005
i h a t e myself

{ 9:46 PM }

Sunday, October 09, 2005
-super grin- i cant stop being internally estatic. i'm so happy, i feel like TYPING IN CAPS. but that will be too annoying. heehehe. i saw this ad on the tele, about this hotel 1929 , somewhere in china town i think. it freakin has an outdoor bathroom yo!!!! ah..the austere grandeur of the tub. LOL its like just this normal white bathtub with a shower on top. standing humourously inapt in the balcony of the room. with plants and all. not bad. but wait. how can u shower in the balcony!?!?! i'll freeze to death! ahhahahaha how.. erotic. so funnie.

oh yah. thn on mtv, this girl related her experience of how she jostled in the bus when it came to an abrupt stop. aparantly, she " grabbed onto anything she cud find" and what she thot was a pole turn out to be an uncle's private part. hahahahaha. i laughed with an abandon the walls of my home had nv contained before. so funnie!!!

i noe this is everescent...but argh. heck.

i cant wait for school. i cant wait to meet my friends and..well. bitch.

oh. and i just found out lien and i have this mutual 'friend'. i used to talk to him. tho i forgot his name and all, the details were inadmissible.

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow?

We were walking there
And I had tangles in my hair
But you make me feel so pretty
You have shining eyes just like the forest lights
And it makes me want to cry

{ 10:10 PM }

Friday, October 07, 2005
i rarely lie about my feelings . but it has become increasingly common of late. why tell him how i feeel? like it matters. of course it doesnt. hu cares. i dont care. i'm not tryna gain sympathy. this is my blog and its how i feel.

no i'm not hurt. how does hurt feel like. nyhahaha. just an overwhelming sense of indignation. so potent, i bet it has more explosive power than clement's fart. i know he may read this but i dont..care? hate me, laugh at me - i cant be bothered. jerk. And i know my statements cannot be justified. i know. aye. whatever

i dont know if i should...wallow in sorrow or grit my teeth . u noe what? logic has just set in and..its telling me to forget.

i cant wait to get out of this school

{ 11:26 PM }

Did you think it's Cool to walk right up
To take my life and Fuck it up
Well did you?
Well you did
I haTE you
Touching you makes me die inside
I woke up at seven thirty this morning. Earliest eVer!!!! For as long as i can remeber. But what the hell. still slacking away over here. i fucking hate myself for this. Thats all i hafta say at teh moment. oh . and what do u do when u cant shut down/log off ur lappy?? i cant wait for monday. yeah load me with work. i dont even wanna think(of him) at the moment.

{ 9:08 AM }

Saturday, October 01, 2005
whats with Mao and the stupid Four Olds? whats with Dowager Cixi and her loathing for reform? whats with my fucking mother and her refusal to accept change? why is it that old ppl always wanna do things their way!!!!!! why cant they go with the flow and adapt to their surroundings. why must thei stick like glue to the conventional methods. i'm sick of hearing 'during my time .. ' . i'm sick of her . i'm angry at how she doesnt trust me. i'm angry cos she doesnt believe in me. i'm angry cos she puts me down. i cant even have a decent chat with her for more than an hour. 2 days ago, i sincerely wanted to spend some time with her. what did i get? she sneered at me n asked if i was up to something. Fuck . i wish she found someother way to express her love , other then being so fucking over protective. i hate it. i HATE it. i HATE It.

i'm not in the mood to make the great gesture . another blow and i'll turn suicidal. *laughs*

When you were here before, couldn't look in your eye
You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin special
*

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice, when I'm not around
You're so fuckin special
I wish I was special
-Creep
Radiohead

{ 11:18 PM }

Neversweet*

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be
Loves

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary
Dont look back

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