mmm..lets see..its about 2.30am . My mom just left the room..talked about some shit to me. our conversation was so engaging , we sure did bond. The details? oh the usual. She just told me how dumb useless cheap ( god noes why) i was, that i was guna end up poor and hopeless. We addressed my addiction to pain and what not. she sure did help me get over it. Butterflies, sunhine and stars. thats all i see now. whiee. i wanna dance to positive simple melody songs and think of nothing but my math, history and biology. i will not leave home unless its set on fire nor will i talk to anyone except my relatives.


Fuck, i will wait for your death. patiently, verulently and silently counting the end of your days. when the time comes, i'll walk up to ur grave. Free at last, the image that u try so desperately to run away from , the me u refused to accept. The person u 2 fuckers made me out to be.

I am your creation. You did t h i s to me.
{ 10:32 AM }

{ 12:09 AM }

Teh reunion dinner sucked. Teh restaurant lacked staff, was packed and the dishes took too long to arrive. My relatives were starving ( i wasnt) , my mom and aunt were bickering and I? I was behaving like the haughtiest, spoilt , disrespectful brat . I didnt mean to, like how i didnt mean to turn out to become the epitome of my parent's dismay. She's so over protective. All i ask is for her to let me fall and get in deep deeeeeeeeep trouble once innah while-Its a sooner or later thing see. Shut up and listen to me for a change.



On a lighter note,my mother thinks i have an indian boyfriend who drives . -laughs- thats so funnie la!

Happy CNY ya'll. (:
{ 8:03 AM }

Teh reunion dinner sucked. Teh restaurant lacked staff, packed and the dishes took too long to arrive. My relatives were starving ( i wasnt) , my mom and aunt were bickering and I? I was behaving like the haughtiest, spoilt , disrespectful brat . I didnt mean to, like how i didnt mean to turn out to become the epitome of my parent's dismay. She so over protective. All i ask is for her to let me fall and get in deep deeeeeeeeep trouble once innah while-Its a sooner or later thing see. Shut up and listen to me for a change.

On a lighter note,my mother thinks i have an indian boyfriend who drives . -laughs- thats so funnie la!

Happy CNY ya'll. (:
{ 8:03 AM }

I'm so ashamed of the gift life you give me
I don't belong here and
I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie
I'm living Right on the wrong side of it all

" I wanna negociate with you. Either u -insert unreasonable suggestion1- or -insert unreasonable suggestion 2 - "

" err ... "
{ 1:22 AM }

Its uncanny how filling those 10+ course dinners can get. Each palatable dish arrives a good while after the former , giving u allowence to pick/nibble on what miniscule amt of food u just took . Yet at the end of it all, u feel fucking full?? I wonder why noodles are always the 2nd last. hmm. you see, my parents dragged me to this dinner where i knew no one. i was grouchy and gloomy at first but her friends sure cheered me up. Adult jokes are so funny, the issues are so stark practical. Its scareee. Made me think twice bout the 'surprise' i'm guna give my mom on sat.

I dont feel like gg sch tmr. i shud stop lying to myself. As if - like totally.


{ 7:26 AM }

It wasnt too long ago when we were given some shit personal growth form. there was this stupid survey bout how u appear to others. i had my friend do it and by joe, the result was stark positive! i glanced and thot ' man, that good at concealing huh ' -laughs- I think its stupid lah. unless the sch's gg for some self reflection thingy, the whole survey is complete ludicrous.

I think feigning is essential for survival. Its as indispensible as breathing. Hmm . like how one morning my parents were quarelling and i was tearing at e backseat . But when we reached, i just wiped my tears and got oout of e car. seconds later i bumped into my friend and started to chatter as tho ev.thing was norm. i'm not wallowing in self-pity . i just think its impt to subdue ur feelings at times, cos no one gives a shit. or something. ah. ignore that.

ooh. had dinner with my parents again. and as always, they fought in the car. i cant stand them. they have not a modicum of notion how they yells affect me. like hell it hurts. but thn i just go wth and join in. Morbid humour when u think about it. 3 ppl scraming at each other in a moving vehicle. The odds of ending up in a crash are pretty high, but whatever. used to it. One thing i love about them ; they can get out of a fight as fast as they get into one.

Its my mom's birthday tmr and i bought her a cake. the smile on her face was so genuine. It was raining heavily and my dad's car was parked abit far frm e shelter. tht women used her birthday cake as a pseudo umbrella. Lol. hilarous.


{ 6:58 AM }

Our gp lesson revolved round youth. Mrs Chong ( did i get her name right?) left us with the topic on youth culture. As QG's grp presented their stuff, the issue of racism surfaced. Saras asked if he thot racism exists among youths today. His answer was no. well, i thought about my wonderful ex class and smiled to myself. clearly, he's wrong. -grinn- C. Later into the night, my dad made an adhoc decision to take us on a road trip; the venue cud not have been more timely.

Chinatown isnt exactly youth-friendly but there sure was an exodus of elderly. The place so steeped in chinese culture hosted some performance bu Sichuan ( i dont think i spelt it right) artsy performers. there was this fire spitting person, face changing person, cheena dancers and of course, the must-have 'wayang' show. I didnt exactly relished standing for 45 mins but i was enamoured with the whole wayang thing-after the very enlightening explanation by my mother of course. there's this particular male actor, he was the most beautiful face ever. okay maybe chinkies arent tat bad. hehh
{ 6:11 AM }

After 1 mnth of hiatus, my brain has regressed into a rigid mel0n. I dont like it. and thus i dont like me . i like white boys.
{ 6:20 AM }

i hate school. i'm sick of all the surface convos and the classes and hearing ppl talk about the same ol borin shit. And so i skipped. -gr i nn- Ilyas rocks la. so steady one. mwuah!

ooh. i feel so honoured to hang out with 2 of the most vile potential jerks. . i was convulsing in laughter, caught in a delirium of 'joy' ; Finally, mean had found another parent, and watching it at work could not be more entertaining., more comforting. i cant blame them, not really. both of them were pms-ing. so i guess thats jerk mode in full gear for men. hehH

I have this gut feeling that vanx is mad at me. or something. She wus supposed to go orchard with us but thn backed out at the last minute. I was only apprised of the sit when we got to pj. G0t a lil fuctup cos i truly did wanna spend time with her. and she just left like that . -frown-
{ 4:10 AM }

i feel violated, infiltrated. Ahh cheW. damn virus. mircokillers. i watch too much NG. sometimes, its nicer and more relaxing to sit at the non-air conditioned place on a languid afternoon, looking absolutely not geogeous whilst muncing on an uber sweet crunchy apple. bliss. after endless torrential rain, i admit i do miss the sunshine. :)
{ 5:23 AM }

i got myself new glasses! 2 glasses and a new pair of contacts which will last me a year. wow. talk about splurging. Actually, its not really splurging is it.. since.. the afore mentioned stuff were essentials. OKAY, i admit i cud've got only a pair of glasses instead of 2 but aiya..dunno why. -shrug-

School has been a breeze so far. With my bitchy side reigning over me . See , i acc pebby as we did our rounds round e track . and okay, so she's slower than the others, . so WHAT? so fucking what! the other kls ppl gave her those condesending stare that i sorely abominate. AND this bigot went in the most haughty tone " ssssO annoying "Her nose was so high in the air, i felt like burrying her face in the mud right then and there. u g l y . i was soo irate i kept calm thru out e rest of the lesson. she didnt do anything tuh me but i simply cannot tolerate such behaviour. ew.

Fencing is fun. i wonder why there are so mani little ppl there.
{ 7:04 AM }

what a load of bullshit. Jerk agrees to blast despo guy with me. and when he comes into the convo. he morphs into one of the most gut-wrenching, nauseating hypocrite i hate to the depths of my heart. THAT, my 'friend' , pissed me off. Feeding me wrong infomation, pissed me off. so if anyone in that convo was to apoligize, it certainly ISN'T ME.

you're such a fake.
{ 6:49 AM }

i love my dear1 soooo much. i misss herrr sooooo much. talked to herr for about 2 hrs. if not for her dad, i bet we cud talk thru the night but ah. -shrug- i feel better now. =) i was rather hesitant bout calling her cos i was afraid she might flip over wht i was abt to tell her. thank goodness she didnt. i had fun bitching. i had fun telling her stufficannotsayherecostoomanypeoplereadmyblog. i had more fun when she agrreed with me.

^_^
{ 6:59 AM }

wo0o0o0o!! i finally fixed my lappy! at present, its usable - just not online-able cuz i haven't got the internet connection set up. -shrug- better than nothing. *beams* can fianlly utilize my ipod. HEH.

--

The dark is a moderately scary movie with an ingenius plot, with as much twists as a meandering river: just like my day. In retrospect, i find the whole thing quite stupid. but good directing nonetheless. i absolutely adore eberyth. she looks sooo evil, with her outfit and all. and the flock of sheep look so goth. -laughs- Its a little odd how a PG movie contains 'fuck' innit tho..

Initially, i was supposed to go out with king. but then we ended up lunching with khai and sheila. Considering how fuctup i was then , i guess things turned out for the better. I didnt hafta coerce myself into starting a conversation nor being ol bubbly and cutesey. It was definately better that i shut up, since almost ev.thing i said received a confused, shell shocked blank stare . Whatever yo.

i kinda wished they wudnt leave, thn i cud continue relishing in my new invisible state. hurhur. Its not wise to put 2 pms-ing ppl together. The consequence is dire, with both parties having an inextinguishable desire to smack the shit out of the other . silently but venomously. sigh.

Retail Therapy : $70
{ 9:37 PM }

i met the 2 girlies with the most excruciating sense of humour. Gee, i never have thot that i'd laugh so hard and so long for the entire day ; mostly at jeremy. but yeah. He's just so adorable. Even nick says he's more girl than me. which i cant deny cos my voice can never hit that high and he sashays with such coveted vigour. -envys- i do the exact and ppl call me a bimbo. tsk2.

i still dont know wht combi i'm taking. H1 lit i think. aiya. hu cares. will noe when e time comes. the class is small and painfully short of guys. The ones present are special in their own way tho. there's mr dao and mr shy and mr gay and mr OHM and mr sunshine and mr niceguy. and mr something.. well thats all 7 of them. oh stop laughing at me .

i skipped hse meeting with hana and Fatin -chuckles-

alamak. i dont have sandals. hoW?

oh fuck. i still miss him. yeah. so what.


{ 5:59 AM }

i sorely lack the enthusiasm and mood to write a cheerful optimistic entry about my first day not that the day wasnt fun...oh fuck it. why justify? i thot the prog was lackluster and just a little short of drop dead boring. Considering how little slp and fuctup i was, i wasnt keen on participating in that stupid dance at all. My mind kept drifting to someplace else. and its fucking irritating. Sigh, i'll just go with the flow. watever.

i got into a heated argument with my mother in the morning. she was 1 retort away frm hitting me. i was 1 cuss away frm doin the same to her. Just cos she's having a bad morning doesnt mean she has to vent it out on me? She dragged me out of the hse early. and i reched there early. i dont like to be early. we had conflicting predictions on the travel time. As usual, i was right. cheryl is always right :) well, that got her to shut her trap. Thn she kept calling me during sch hours. In the evening, she thot i had ulterior motives of abrubtly leaving the hall and heading back to my room. i hate all this distrust and suspicion. for fucts sake! GRR. angry.

thAT, coupled with thingsthatcannotmementionedherecostoomanypplreadmyblog, Is just aweful
{ 4:24 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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