Thursday, February 28, 2008
I met up with nise last night. It didnt need to take a confession to realise that she was a different person. Action speaks louder than words. As a friend i dont think i need to give her a prep talk on all the taboo things she wants to do. Granted, its frowned upon by most just because denise is doing it ..but we're all kids here. and this is the last year we'll ever get to enjoy before we step into the beginning of another decade of our lives.

So go ahead. but rmb i want to be there when it happens ahh. wahahahhhaha WINK WINK.

{ 2:08 AM }

Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I dont trust you

ouch.

I feel miserable

I watched the making of some singaporean movie on teevee this evening... Ah, my memory has not disappointed me. Its titled ' The Leap Year' . Personally, i felt that it wasnt so much of the making as opposed to a discussion about the role of women in sg/asian societies for that matter. They fussed over the issue how a girl asking a guy out. I was shocked. I couldnt relate. To me the matter mattered less than trivial. To me it wasnt even an issue to begin with. wow. one generation can make alot of difference huh. I gaped when this actress admitted to not ever asking a guy out. omg are you seirousss??? I've asked guys out..alot. =s It was never really an issue to me. It was never something to mull about. -cringe- wahts there to imply???? I want to hang out with him, i want to get to know him better. and so i make the effort to get what i want =s simple as that. i didnt get it.

{ 7:47 AM }

Monday, February 25, 2008
OMG which sensible and intellectually competent person would ask me to call him and doesnt bother to charge his PHONE?

I cannot believe my mother is sucha a loser. A timid Rat. If i were in her position i'd simply scoff at the remark and classify is as nothing but an amusing coincidece. Instead, she frightfully calls the other party to inquire if the gossipped had somehow gained superior technological knowledge to spy on their msn chat as they gossiped about her. I have always viewed her as a woman of power. haha oh my. And on and on they went, going about and about how they were NOT gossipng but merely SPREADING INFORMATION ON HER PLIGHT. my my such ingenius guise. hahahahhahaah I laughed out loud.

thn i made a stark contrast with my generation and found the situation all the more funnie. 'Gossiping' to us is such a..loose term. Compare that with the more insidious acidic counterpart called 'BITCHING' LOL.

And i just had a ham cheese sandwhich for supper. Now cher, how are u eveer gg to sleep?

{ 7:24 AM }

Holy Shit says:
DEARR WATCH THE SHOW PLS


*Neversweet 'reclusive' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
lappy mei you shen ying


Holy Shit says:
GOT SUBTITLE

-.-lllll


Holy Shit says:
WATCH IT

Holy Shit says:
PLZZZZ


Holy Shit says:
THEY VERY HANSUM


*Neversweet 'reclusive' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
when i'm at ur hse u can force me la .okay?


Holy Shit says:
DOWAN

Holy Shit says:
u WATCH NOW

Holy Shit says:
"D

Holy Shit says:
I AM UR BOYFRIEND

{ 5:58 AM }

Sunday, February 24, 2008
What a lazy sunday. I woke up at 1130, but i was adament not to drag myself out of bed just because i was awake . so i re-slept till about 2. HAH.

I felt a little sad as i neared the end of the book. I glanced at the 10 plus pages left and felt a faint surge of worry.I was bound to read finish the book by the next hour. oh no. My daily dose of escapism would be no more! so sad. sad . the ending was horrible.

{ 2:38 AM }

Saturday, February 23, 2008
OMG SO TIRED.

I managed to get willy to go out with my on friday. Thank god. cos he would have anyways and i would have gotten mad. We went to watch his friends play at esplanade lib. bumped into ANDI there. haha. that guy. After that we went to eat. went to see some band play [again]. Got chased off that area cos i was smoking. a little disgruntled here because i looked like everyhwere for a non smoking sign and saw none. and a bunch of guys had smked in front of me. and just as soon as a lit my cig this guy comes up to me. like you cud have told me before i lit the thing thank you very much. Hung out at waterfront till we missed the last train. walked to the taxi stand when i suggested embarking on an AVENTURE. i've never taken night rider before ...so we to NR to seng kang and walked home. haha. I bought water just in case i got thirsty. But we forgot one impt gear for the aventure.a HOODIE. it was freezing in the bus. Willy had his psp. helped kill time.

In the end, i went home with him.

Bumped into his friend's again at the bus stop.

He was adament to get his orgasm even tho i was so phacking tired. I refused to go down on him. we ended up fucking. I felt like a whore. i was so tired i went into dead fuck. In fact, i was dozing off at some point. hahaha

Had such a pain trying to get him to do his stupid art. That boy is so lazy. hai~!

Hung out with nick gary bona the next evening. played pool. i cudnt cos i was wearing something revealing. Had a fun time laughing at them.

Went home alone. Tired as hell. i dont know whyy. i'm too exhausted for something introspective today.

{ 8:01 AM }

Thursday, February 21, 2008
I feel like walking to you. I feel like walking with you . I feel like lying on you. I feel like being with you. I feel like sitting some place quiet at night, beside you. and just starre at nothing. Wearing your oversized comfy hoodie, sitting beside you , and just stare at nothing. or maybe maybe you could be somewhere. .. ah. i'm too embarassed to type it out. blush.

could you.
could you?

that'd be great =D like seriously. i hope so.

{ 6:04 AM }

GEE CHERYL WHY DO YOU ALWAYS EMBARASS YOURSELF. I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID WHAT YOU DID. STUPID CHEEBYE VAGINAL HAIR. PIAK PIAK PIAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

{ 1:34 AM }

Wednesday, February 20, 2008
well okay. i think i'm done spending quality time with myself . Though its not so much of getting sick reading, much less relaxing, its the yearning for some company to be exact. Cheryl wants to have fun again. A ominous forboding in the eyes of all who know me well. okok. i just want to be in the company of my friends and enjoy and laugh andwhatever

boyfriend is performing next month. HAHA. WHEEE.

3 days man. three days. this is unbelievable.

{ 11:23 PM }

Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I think i have a new found love for fag fucking. hmmm ok time for an euphimism...cannot think of one leh.


Ideally, the idea of a physical union between two penis beholds a beauty that surpasses that of a union between opposite genders. I dont know. its in the stark irony of the unabashful display of affection between two bodies that are seen as a symbol of masculinity, of aggression where beauty resides. Of a living unit that is so known for concealing their emotions, for non-affection. And to witness the coming together of a pair of such units, to witness the bold and almost dignified disposal of their egoes, is beautiful.

Of course, the modern invidivial scoffs at my opinion. ah the modern man, who was poorly introduced to homosexual love thru the many sources on internet PORN. and blinded by the stereotype of sissies. not that they didnt exisst in the past.

But what i have in mind differs from what the everyday man has in his mind about fag fucking!

because cheryl is an idealist.sigh!

{ 12:52 AM }

I was reading an essay on culture. i read and re-read it three times and i didnt get it. I never liked writing anything relating to culture because its such a broad term, much less to say ' High' cullture.Throw left/right wing arguments in and you've sucked any modicum of interest in me for that particular topic. goodness.

{ 12:16 AM }

Monday, February 18, 2008
Willy's lj has been receiving quite a few annoymous pricks of late. i'm a little irritated. I mean i simply dont understand what they're problem is. Its like dumb fucks thinking they're more superior. all for what? one stupid little blog post by some insignificant 19 year old kid and u're like correcting his mistakes and pin pointing every phacking flaw as if he's some professional writer or something. its STUPID. its so phacking STUPID. i mean these petty ppl. they're petty and they've got nothing better to do. i certainly have been in their position before. like i read a blog entry and i think god that person is so stupid. but i dont go the extra mile to leave a stupid comment telling tt person what i think because who am i? i'm a nobody. and if thats what he/she thinks thn so be it. even if i disagree than so be it. because topics like this. even the experts can debate until the end of time. THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG. and i cant be bothered to debate. all i know is that my view is diff from that individuals. and even if i can think of rebuttals for all his/her possible assualts on me. i dont see any satisfaction in arguing for the sake of triumph.

no one likes to hear i think u're wrong. u spelt that wrong. you got that idea WRONG. or that idea is STUPID. cant you just fucking keep your thots to urself. gosh~ i certianly would like you to. i dont want to hear what you think. i know you may not agree with me. As i type this i can think of a million opposing points as well. BUT I DONT CARE BECAUSE I AM TAKING THIS STAND AND IF I WANTED TO DEBATE I COULD DO IT WITH MYSELF. STUPID PEOPLE. STUPID PEOPLE.

and omg this LADY keeps on calling the house phone its so PHACKING ANNOYING. she's looking for my mom. she called once. no one answwered. thn 5 mins later she called THRICE. i was busy . fianlly,( ARE U GONNA CORRECT MY TYPO AS WELL. HAHAHA) annoyed i dashed to answer. i told her that i'd have my mom return her call. THN just a while ago, she called AGAIN. i mean like fuck i told u tt i'll tell her you called right.

" my mom's not back yet"
" hmmm how do u think i can contact her. "
" i dont know. i'll tell her you called ok"
" (in a whiny voice) OH NOOOO, THN U'D HAVE TO STAY UP TILL LATE UNTIL SHE COMES HOMMEEE"

thinks - like fuck of course no lah. i'll tell her when i see her which is prolly tmr . idiot. rolls eyes

{ 8:29 AM }

surprise surprise
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I sort of bumped into a past this afternoon. The setting was hilarious:

Willy noticed people standing at the other end of the door bitching about a cheryl. i didnt think of it much becos like there are a million cheryls on Earth. Thn after willy and i parted at JE ( was omw to city hall). I spotted the same group of ppl.. and a FAMILAR face. I was shocked and my reflex was to turn away. so as to avoid an awkward confrontation. thn THEY starting talking behind my back. like literally. i'm not deaf i can hear what you all are saying. THEY kept promting HIM to say hi, to show me how better of he was or something. He didnt. thankfully. i would not have known what to say. they were bitching about me so i guess he hates me even though he has no good reason to be. its so silly. like i didnt play him or anything. i simply ddint reciprocate. and i shudnt be sorry for what i cant accomplish. no doubt i were blind but i wudnt have it any other way. i had to know what a jerk he was. and even now that i know, he's still a past that i constantly wish to see. so yeah. waht a surprise.

went for a gig at The Arts House. hahaha a bunch of uncivilised ppl in a civilised setting. There were quite afew rockin bands. I had to leave after this particular band gave me a throbbin headache. His voice. was. out of the world. like i have something stuck in my throat sort of out of the world. why no blood brothers????

i must blog about our first real date. He picked me up. took me out to dinner. by the riverside. had it reserved. pre ordered our food. thn brought me to sentosa. sat that..cable car like thingy. at as the ride reached the peak. willy was fumbling in his bag. he told me to close my eyes. but i opened it after a while. he was fumbling with a necklace. he kept cussing. In the end he went " fuck la. nah u ownself untangle". thn he shoved me my valentines present. HAHA. so CUTE

after we landed, he INSISTED on wearing it for me. so CUTE.

we ended off our date at food republic. eating zhap food and stuff. Fine dining is nice but i'm so used to being all zhap zhap with willy. BUT MY BOYFRIEND SO SWEET LOR. HAHA

--

anyway. i found out many shocking things. like how 3 out of the 8 ppl were related. and that mr red shirt was OLDER than mr looklikegirlbutinaniceway and that mrlookolderhtanme was actually younger than me and that he was mrlooklikegirlbutinaniceway's COUSIN. ooooh! and also mr lookolderthanme lived just 2 BLOCKS away from me. yay i found another neighbour!!!!

i cant post pictures because i left my cam with willy

-

i dont really like going out. anymore. i mean, before i was all about making myself busy and staying out like everyday but now i just want to sit at home and read a book. its much cheaper and less tiring. and maybe hang out with ppl i'm comfortable with. =)

{ 6:47 AM }

Friday, February 15, 2008
I think words are really beautiful. or is it language. hmmm. both. i can re-read the same passage twice just to admire how the writer writes.

blush

i really do like reading.

{ 11:59 PM }

Thursday, February 14, 2008
Ytd was a damn spontaneous night. I had 2 outing requests but accepted neither. At around nine i was feeling very...bored and restless . but i wanted to go out with neither of the ask-ees. So i text darius. so i ended up gg out in the end. Cheap night. venue was free. sat outside wm. I had the previledge to see that classic priceless shocked expression again. damn funnie. He was so alarmed when a lil cadburry touched him.

I went shopping with momma today. spent alot. i feel a little guilty. not alot. i think i deserved it. i mean, she's always spending on others. not me. i think its time she spent a lil money on her kid.

{ 3:53 AM }

Wednesday, February 13, 2008
i was looking for an ANNE RICE novel in my bookshelf. I couldnt find it.Was really disappointed. I really needed a dose of some fantasy . to escape for boring reality. friends could you force me to have fun. lately i dont feel like having any.

{ 4:49 AM }

Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I was in town by eleven today. i woke up slightly before nine. ZOMG. all for my loser budder li ting. hahahaha.

i bumped into darius . hilarious! He walked past me but he didnt see me. i cud have just yelled his name but i chose to reach out to slap his back instead. he spun around to give the most unforgettable expression e v e r . similar to that of someone preparing to dodge or something. his face awas so damn funnie i laughed all the way to the toilet.

i FINALLY bought my polo tee . HEE HEE HEE.

{ 6:11 AM }

Monday, February 11, 2008
i still thnk edison chen is hot. even though he looks terribly unglam in the stupid vid and he looks like my beng primary sch friend.

i just watched that gillian something's pres interview thing. she said something about how she deeply regrets what she did because she was so young and naive back then. COME ON LAH. WE ALL KNOW YOU WERE HORNY . and perhaps the reigning reason why you cried because everyone saw your hairy ass vagina . pfffttt. stars. they like to issue some statement sealed with the humblest tongue. but analzye it closely it all makes no sense. NO SENSE. half of the time they're not even answering the question. now i noe why i'm usually left baffled when iwatch such interviews. its not because nothing gets into my head. its cos IT MAKES NO SENSE.



extremely cranky.

{ 7:37 AM }

My mother just lashed into one of her horrible verbal assults on me.again. and it was the funniest thing ever . and it was triggered by something as trivial as spilling a little of nail polish on the coffee table. her fuctup scandal bought for her. and she started yelling. calling me the same old degrading insults. i helped her along. it was funnie. because she told me to use the table cloth. thn she scolded me for using the table cloth. and she scolded me for being pampered. even though she was the one who pampered me. and sometime in the middle i just started laughing at her. and i started laughing and i couldnt stop. i dont know what prompted it but i told her someone had to smile in front of her because no one has been doing so of late. it was funnie. thn i went up to my room. teared a little. looked myself inthe mirror and smiled. i'm not gg to let herbring me down. bitch. do everyone a favour and just drop dead. my dad was bitching about her in the car on our way to dinner. father cant stand her. i cant stand her. I WONDER HOW HER FUCKING SCANDAL STOOD HER. OH MY GOD YOU MUST WANT THE MONEY THAT BADLY TO BE TORMENTED FOR SO LONG. YOU SON OF A BITCH WHO FEASTS ON NOTHING BUT MAN CUM.

the next time i see her friend i must make it a point to refrain them frm making her drink so much. i get hell when i go home.

gee. just do ev.one a favour and just drop dead and die. seriously. everyone will be happy. no more hassles for me. you never showed me much love anyway. you parted with your motherly duties some time ago. all we do is yell at each other. you're hindering me abilities to have FUN.

i feel like fuck sometimes seriously. with boyfriend and mother breathing down my neck. fuck all of you lah. i know what i'm doing right.knn

and to all my friends that are supposedly close to me and have not seen each other for very long and are wondering if i have forgotten you i have not. but if u're not guna ask me out thn i'm not either. silly bitches. because i am sick of being rejected . i mean. do the math lah. if u keep saying no to someone like duh of course they're gonna stop asking. who do u think you are. SO WHAT if we're friends sia. its obvious u're not appreciative or treasure our friendship much enufff to lift your bitch ass finger to dial my number. assholes. so fine. till we meet again.

and i feel lie fuck cos cheryl does nothing but keep it in and hurt herself. BUT WELL. since all of you fucks wont let me do that AND MY ANGER HAS TO GO SOMEWHERE RIGHT. this is awfully childish. throw the idea away.

angry angry angry

but there's still space for more

till then. how long can you last cher? how long? life's too short to be a spectator they say. SIGH.

{ 7:07 AM }

Sunday, February 10, 2008


let nature take its course den says. i agree. there's no need for unnecessary sudden moves that are prompted by fear, encapsulated by indecision. i should just go with the flow and see what happens. At least i know i tired my best and if history repeats itself thn you're really not worth it. i dont know. i just wnat...peace. i dont want any turbulance. even tho it might be necessary. wo bu zhi dao.




i stayed over at his place last night. He wanted to bring me to the middle of the highway in the middle of the night or something but we stopped short because i think we were too lazy. haha so much for walking to pungol park. haha.




thn he sent me home today and i just had to take a break at woodlands because i was feeling so bloody lethargic. had meself a ice choc at gelare. very nice. thn had meself a good shitting before we cont our journey back home. lols.




AND HE COOKED FOR ME.

yum yum.


i cooked too little rice. oohps.


erm yah. and this is what i look like at home.


{ 6:43 AM }

Friday, February 08, 2008
Hana's gathering was fun. I think joel was damn entertaining. The topic of cheating came up. like whats do you consider as cheating. that got me thinking. i've read this somewhere in the mag before. i guess there's no clear line is there. i'm not sure . I THINK. you'll be cheating on ur lover if you start having an emot attachment to the other =s gosh i dont know.

i'm beginning to become like fucking self conscious around dicks because i dont want to do anything to upset him. it sucks . like all of a sudden i'm damn mindful of every word i say and every movement i make. its a little scary. i dont like it. i dont like to be awkward.

i left early. i ddidnt feel like leaving but i felt an obligation to do so because i sorta told my mommy tt i'd be home by midnight. hurhur.and i plan to fly to my baby's house tmr. and i wanted to talk to willy before he slept. and we ended up on the phone for the next hour and a half. i think we've switched roles.

its so weird isnt it. like the whole episode didnt really register. i dont want to think about it. Its not gg away. and i shouldnt be with him but i sitll am and i have no idea why. love love love. irritating.

i find the Edison chen scandal ssoo interesting. i always thot he was cute. i dont think there's anything wrong with a sex vid. its just sad his comp got hacked into..or something. i'm was disappointment to see it hairy. i dont like hairy penises. they are disgusting. and why is gilllian's pussy so goddamn hairy.

but he's the man i tell you. any guy tt's willing to go down on a girl is the man.

{ 9:56 AM }

Thursday, February 07, 2008
just came back from shane's house. i got drunk. shane was wasted. like passed out lying on the floor puking wasted. it was damn funnie. sort of. i think i am guna avoid drinking for the rest of my life. The after effect is the worse feeling e v e r. i hate it. i hate it. i'm still a little dizzy. not yet completely sober. and i feel like puking

secrets were exchanged. i think we all got a little closer. The guys are like the nicest guys in the whole wide world and they should never date us. hahaha

tired.

{ 3:45 PM }

Wednesday, February 06, 2008
CNY seems carry so much more currency tthn the momentous new year. i actually went out of my way to like wish ppl happy cny. ( truthfully only 3 but ITS A BIG DEAL i usually dont give a fuck). i helped out with the deco. i went to the temple with my parents. i regretted not doing more.

other than that . or later for tt matter, will be another boring day of visiting. the dreaful journy to dad's side. i literally drag my feet there.

mom's side is worse because of the..fights.

at least there's shane's thing to look forward to.

Tonight..will be better. There might be no demons tonight. i can finally sleep safely.

{ 11:24 AM }

Monday, February 04, 2008
When we first met, I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped into one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's deadI feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you


You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
Cause now I'm using like I bleed

{ 9:09 AM }

oh wow. this is a new one. cheryl found suicide buddies

{ 8:53 AM }

Sunday, February 03, 2008
You just stood there and watched me as i reeled . you spat on me and hurled hurtful things like my mother does. In fact, you cursed the same way as she did, as i layed there. crying. reeeling. begging you to make me feel better. stop me from hitting myself. stop me from wanting to kill myself. but you didnt. u laughed at me and made me feel worse. mocked me. spat in my face.

Ah the month of Feb. A lvl results, my possible pregnancy, my unreasonable mother and my suddenly abusive boyfriend.

If i am alive by the end of this month. i will celebrate.

I'll even eat rat poison if i have to. i am that desperate to turn of the tv.

you are not the guy i loved

{ 6:30 AM }

empty

{ 12:11 AM }

Neversweet*

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be
Loves

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