I.CANNOT.BELIEVE.I.WENT.TO.THE.COMEX IT FAIR.WITH.A.BUNCH.OF.GUYS. like seeeeeeeeriousleeeeee.

its touching. all very touching. But i cant. stop bribing me with guilt and reeling me in with nostalgia. curiosity is killing the cat.

It's a beautiful lie
It's a perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful


{ 7:41 AM }

I love my friends i love my friends i love my friends
i love tali i love tali i love tali i love tali. I LOVE TALI
for being there when i need you, for being there when nobody's there. for being so understanding and patient. for accepting me for who i am, for catching me when i fall. i love tali i love tali i love tali

Gotta quit smoking drinking going out late not wanting to go home being afraid of being alone.

Distance distance.
{ 1:46 PM }

I.cannot.believe.i.just.watched.soccer.with.a.guy.

why do you do this to me
why do you do this so easily.

mmm. i must sleep for tali.
{ 2:30 PM }

Apart from the sudden upheaval of moral uprighteousness, i'm also beginning to feel a sense of responsibility to my STUDIES, which i have been dutifully neglecting. SO. in order to make up for it i think i shall spend this friday night with books. sitting alone in my room reading and writing . and thinking.

or maybe i'll just meet tali tonight and study tmr. HAHA!

The past few days have been rather fun filled and sleep deprived. I slept 4 hours the day before and only two hours last 'night'. This morning to be exact. I'd love to say i've been spending all that precious time catching up but i was busy..doing other stuff..synonymous with decadence.

i slept thru south asian this morning. managed to stay awake through philo. yay.
{ 2:17 AM }

For one who rarely stands within the moral boundaries, i think what i did today was wrong. I feel bad.
{ 2:27 PM }

I keep running. Running away from people close to me. I'm still running, but this time, i dont know where i'm going. and it scares me.

It took so much effort.
{ 8:21 AM }

I woke up feeling miserable. Felt so awful that i zoomed off to hv during my 3 hr break to look for hana. janice came later and they cheered me up. oh and those happy sticks too. haha

I'M SO GLAD MY MOTHER'S GG OVERSEAS ON THURSDAY. This leaves me mother-less for the weekend. happy happy!!!! lets go play!! Drunken twister here we come. laughs

Tired.
{ 10:58 AM }

Today was a good day. Made new friends in NM tut, met hana at deck for breakfast, vrooomed off to hv for lunch with sw , vroomed back to school to pick hana up, vrrooomed back to hv. So right, I was blasting The way i are in the car and simply laughing my ass off watching strangers ' groove' to the music. fucken funnie i swear. I was laughing by myself, most of the time. haha damn funnie.

I've got things to tell you. Like i'll be getting thru my day and sometimes i just feel like musing it to you cos it comes to naturally. but i cant. Not used to it. And please stop confusing me. This is what you wanted. Its what you'll get. no grey areas. Grey areas are never good. This time i choose to kill the spark.
{ 7:28 AM }

okay, to everyone and anyone i am officialy single.

I dont love you anymore? Its a scary thought. One i dont dare admit. But you might be right. And as hana noted, the fact tt i didnt fight much for it does mean something. I dont know. Maybe its a good thing.
{ 9:02 AM }

I think i had too much fun, so much fun that it wasnt fun. I had my first black out moment. In fact, i dont rmb half of the things i did last night. I rmb dancing. I dont remember how i got to the zouk toilet. I remember puking my guts out and spilling water and looking at the guy beside me ( who was also smashed) and laughing in my head. I dont remember who tied my hair, i think i saw jeremy. I rmb ppl laughing at me. I would have laughed at myself too. but i was too busy vomitting. I dont remember texting what i text tt night. The only memory i had of shane tt night was a glimspe of him outside the toilet, and thn outside zouk at the bench. Thn i didnt see him anymore.

I slept with my make up on. and when i awoke and looked at myself in the mirror i realised my eye make up wasnt as horribly smudged as i had anticipated. Had my first hangover as well! haha!

I cannot believe i did what i did and said what i said. LIKE SERIOUSLY. Its so unlike me.

I remember.
{ 11:27 PM }

Yesterday:

I woke up to a pleasant surprise and enjoyed breakfast.

I had a horrible surprise during school

I settled things with the boyfriend. It feels..so weird.

I was in a car with the windows down blasting crazy old sch techno music. smking and drinking under coconut trees and the starless sky. Trying to do cartwheels and trying to throw things away. Head felt so heavy and i swear i cud have just slept there. I regretted not bring the thick zara hoodie. :( Had FRIED RICE for supper at fong seng. (Lol?) Came home dead tired. jumped into the shower jumped out of the toilet, jumped into my bed and fell asleep. Woke up at 8 or 11 ( cldnt rmb) the next morning, lazed arnd till THREE.

party later. I want to go crazy.

I'm sorry for fucking everything up.
{ 1:39 AM }

Shane.The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Which? says:
HEHEHEHEHEHEEE

Shane.The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Which? says:
HEHEHEHEHEHEEE

*Neversweet 'messed up' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
OMG SHANE

Shane.The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Which? says:
taken.

*Neversweet 'messed up' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
HAHAHAHAHA

Shane.The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Which? says:
doesnt mean

Shane.The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Which? says:
cannot take

Shane.The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Which? says:
LOLOL

*Neversweet 'messed up' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
U MAKE ME LAUGH ALSO!

Shane.The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Which? says:
HAHAHAHA

*Neversweet 'messed up' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
HAHAAHAHAHAH

Shane.The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Which? says:
OMFG I DIDNT JUST SAY TT
{ 1:22 AM }

It wasnt easy for me. I didnt plan it. I didnt plan to do it today but somehow i did, in a daze in fact. I figured that the best time to do it was when i wasnt thinking at all. Because the more i mulled, the harder it was to choke it out.

Slept alot in school today. Thru physics, and a little more in the library.

I'm beginning to dislike my phone.It has been dying on me recently. I hate it.

The remedy :
smoking drinking listening to crystal castle outside westmall, eating cheap jap biscuits tt i bought from school. Two loser emo fucked up people. We're on top of the world.
{ 9:22 AM }

No one knows. No one is supposed to know.
{ 9:57 AM }

Little miss R.
Keep me safe inside, your arms like towers, tower over me.

Hung out with shane and li ting today. Made me laugh. Took my mind off things..for a while. I refuse to take the bus because i couldnt bear the long journey alone. I was afraid of my own mind.
{ 8:27 AM }

I just attempted to do a cartwheel in my t shirt and underwear. Came back frm tuition not too long ago, threw my bag on the bed, flung my jacket onto the mini couch ...and started doing cartwheels. HAHAHAH.
{ 7:22 AM }

i love the weather today. and yesterday. anyways it was during late dinner that i suddenly inadvertantly launced into this intellectual diatribe . That shocked me quite abit. Because i was talking but not fully conscious what i was talking about.
{ 9:39 AM }

Partied like a rock star cos we only had 4 minutes to save the world. you teasing me you know what i want and i got what you need. Dont tell me you're sorry cause you're not. bei bei mian , refreshing morning air, silence cos i feel like a hero and u're my heroine. Princess . Mango juice. But its over now. Go on and take a bow , and please dont try so hard to say goodbye. ask her if she wants to stay a while.

Rich Rich. Got rich. three hana you should have waited man.

much loves to yuxuan fiona faith and..cynthia ( i think), Hana janice and the rj guy and the vj guy and his friends.

Got presents for baby. cant wait to tell him.
{ 3:34 PM }

You got me doing things that i would never do.

I had a bad day. locked myself in my room. layed on the floor and drowned myself in music.

my ankle hurts.

The past is going to repeat itself all over again and i'm dreading it. I'd like to believe that i can control this, tht i can swerve my thoughts to the correct direction but it seems they're just swerving out of cntrl. They're doing me no good, doing nothing but pushing me off the clift.

And my fucking mother just opened the door. I fucking hate her. Those ornaments represent more than a breach of my personal space, it highlights the lack of respect you have for me as a member of the family, and showcases your blind and indiscriminate abuse of illegit authority. DISPISE you.
{ 9:48 AM }

I think we should have more cool breezy days like this. The air smelled fresh and cool. I love walking home.

I finally got my pay! Bt thn i realised i need to use most of it for bus concession. I'm still broke.
=(
{ 10:05 AM }

I can hardly breathe you make me wanna scream
{ 8:36 AM }

At 5 plus, i text hana , telling her that i'll be early. "how early?" she asked. " On time" i replied. hahhaha.





We chilled at bucks for a while before heading of to cold rock. Went to take a shit only to return to see hana's shocked expression.Took me a while to recognise the couple beside her. As it turned out, matthew and karina were at hv too. surprise surprise. Left the place around ten to rent movies .





We only watched The Gods Must Be Crazy in the end. hmm i must admit, i dont remeber finding it that humourous when i last watched it ( which was like a million years ago). Moses came over like really late so he only got to watch the ending. Not like he cared because he had watched it before and was really really tired anyway. So he sorta came over only to fall asleep on her couch. lol.





Told hana later on tt if i hung out with matthew even more i'd get cancer tmr. lol.





Had some HTHT with matt and hana. That boy surprised me alot. There's more to him than i thought.





Went home around 5 to my mother's incessant nags and abusive insults. whatever man. whatever.





was smking with boyfie last night when he called me weak. It hurt. Maybe because it came from him. Actually no i dont know. I dont really care. i know i'm weak. but it hit home. because he wasnt the first. and the last person who called me weak, that meant alot to me was.. sigh. and when he said that, the words really hit me hard and it brought me back to the past. But i brushed the thot aside as quickly as it entered.





and audrey if u're reading this we love you okay and no we've not forgotten about u. i called u but u neh pick up!!






love my stoned face.
{ 2:59 PM }

I'm better off alone anyway
{ 1:56 AM }

I MISS MY BOYFRIEND. I WANT HIM BACK.CONFORMITY PLEASE GIVE HIM BACK TO ME.
{ 8:46 AM }

sigh, maybe its just time to lock myself up in my room with a book and my ipod and nothing else. Nothing seems to be werking. I do this he wants that, i do that and he goes on to do something else, leaving me essentially nowhere. Begs me to stop partying, thn telling me cordially to go ahead. oh the irony. My bodyclock is totally fuct. I didnt get any sleep last night/this morning only like a ten min nap ( which felt like forever) before being awaken by jamie boom chi boom chi boom boom.

Why can't people just accept each other for who they are.
{ 10:40 PM }

I feel a little sad that O week is coming to a close. Although the start of a new chp of my life is appropriately welcomed with enthusiasm and optimism, at the end of the day, it is still the start of SCHOOL, and that regardless of pri/sec/ter lvl, has some dread factor to it. No, i should look forward to school. Think positive hahahaha think of it as a challenge. No more boring idle days. Your days will be so packed and busy u'll hardly have time to take a shit.



anyways i didnt get my mod. hello, what is so interesting about cultures of the contempt world you tell me. bah. i'll have to bid again.



I think i saw a UFO today.When presented with this absurd news, li shean looked at me with all the seriousness she can master and asked" you mean u saw one too?" she thn later confided in me tt she too had saw one, somewhere near a house. I laughed and told her tt boyfriend believes sorta shit too. Do they really exist?

sigh.
{ 9:06 AM }

Tired and messed up. Whats new? Everything happens for a reason. I have a feeling you'll pop up again. I'll be surprised if u don't. i'm almost sure.
{ 8:51 AM }

{ 8:48 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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