I'm exhausted. The puffy cresent flesh beneath my eyes are as black as.. a cadbury. My lids weigh a ton and my eyes seem to sting. Whooots. Alas, the exams are finally over. Went to catch superman with my classmates after bio. by joe, superman rocks. -laughs- fatigue had already sent in earlier during the day but i just pushed it aside and got along with the rest of the people. by late noon, i was feeling dead. By the time i got home, i felt like a zombie.

I got a little pissed with den. Its not like the whole world owes her you know, especially me. Ppl should know better than to take their anger out on me. i hate it. But i let her. -shrug- so after an endless conformation changes, i ended up having dinner with mel alone. it so felt like a date. cos i gave her flowers and paid for the meal and i let her choose everything. -grinn- It was hilarious. i think ppl were looking at me funny. I miss her so much.

We got accosted by a drunkard on our way home. He reeked of beer

Took a nice long walk home. I wasnt able to enjoy if as much though . I like windy nights with red skies. It feels so comfy and placid . look up to the sky and u'd think the world's gonna end. but it feels so right. the irony. Thats me. I'm on a crash course towards destruction but it feels right. I'm not slowing down , i dont wanna stop. I'm killing myself gently and loving every moment of it. why? Because i wont let anyone else have the pleasure.

I feel like going to the beach. Just sit there, feel the breeze against ur skin, hear the waves crash ( there's hardly any) and just hope that ev.time the sealine recedes it take part of my frustrations/pain/anger/worries away. Just lie there. And for that short moment, everything seems right. no worries no nothing. just that moment alone. sigh. i like beaches. you taught me that.

I dont know why, i keep seeing him around. like virtually everywhere. So many look-a-like jerks out there. tsk tsk.

ps/ wow. this is my longest entry yet. . and i bought a GUESS watch for myself. its all nice sparkly and gold.



{ 7:27 AM }

:: i can still recall how it feels like. says:
i know how u feel

Damn right. you know why? cos we've been thru it. and the feeling sucks. Big time.
-thumbs up- =] now go wank! -laughs-
{ 8:24 AM }

I should be freaking out; i just found out i forgot to study mutation. how silly of me to bear false hope for nise to tell me that it wouldn't be tested. mmm i should be studying too. I should be doing alot of things actually.

I cannot stand hip hop. I cannot stand it. A pain to the ears in the morning. They were playing beyonce's new song on air. so fucking irritating. bah.

hate him.
{ 8:07 AM }

Too late too late? Hate Hate ? Starting too. I knew i had a sick feeling about it, maybe its just my paranoia kicking in.

I gasped when i realised it was mel's birthday todae. i nearly forgot. haha how untimely for me to be reminded during the chem paper. Hana stared at me when i yelled ' oh shit!' -laughs-

so its melliiieeee's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOMAN. -grinns- and and and i'm so happy cos we're celebrating on friday! which means i have plans on friday! which means i get to hang out with my besties on friday! thats smth to look forward to. exited. gleefully exited. And den and i are already planning our 18th birthdays. so ..funny.

School was sweet. Nise, i so did not blush.
{ 3:14 AM }

Back to black and white. bah. This is a little emo for me. but i'll try it out.

Chinese left me stumped. I swear i cud have left all the qns blank. Didnt noe what to write, didnt even noe what they were asking. -slaps myself-

I should go off and do some studying. Been slacking the whole day. gEe. where's the exam stress. I'm gonna do badly and kill myself for it.

i'm hungry

I thought of Jerk. or rather, reminisced. -slaps myself- What went wrong

i'm tired

I need something to do on Friday. someone date me out. -laughs- That was such a subtle hint i swear nobody caught it.

I think i've made up my mind. I still think i'm not sure what to do.
{ 8:03 AM }

aggitated.

I should have known better to make silly wishes. They always turn out bent and twisted into the worse and unthinkable version. I got a little black cloud raining over me ;I'm drenched, shivering in the freaking torrent but it doenst stop. I everyone has a penchat for my misery. And in women terms, especially in such a frenzied disillusioned state. the term 'everyone' usually pertains to a single shitty someone. HMM.

I hate how my world almost revolves around him. hate how i've got no mood to hit the books cos i'm sick of it. Hate how i refuse to sleep till my eyes hurt because i loathe the period between sleep and lying in bed. Hate how its so quiet here. Hate how nothing is right. Hate how i let things get in my way. Hate how i cant get past shit. Hate how there's no light in my life.

I'm sick of sunsets. i need a sunrise.
{ 7:44 AM }

I really rreally really wish what nise said is true. If only. sigh~
{ 8:38 AM }

ooh whee. Finally got some relaxation done with hana. We went swimming at her place. As dumb as it sounds, i got a little scared of the pool. Not because of the fact tt i have not touched water for like 2 weeks, but because of the dream i had last night. It involved a scary sadako look-a-like ; only mine had nice flexy curls . ha. i dreamt we went swimming at night. and she dragged me down and i think i died.

I wonder why scary dreams usually take place at night. Its the same. they're either dark or cloudy or misty.

That woman kept mocking me. -frown- its not nice to mock people. And she forced me to adopt betsy. I had so much trouble getting up the bus i tell you. Not to mention talking on the fone at the same time.

So funnie, i realise i was missing someone while waiting for the bus. But i know not who. -laughs- how absurd. and NO hana. its not him. at least, i dont think so/refuse to believe. hurhur.


{ 6:38 AM }

Clement, for u being mean is not a obligation but on free will. -laughs- Not that it makes me feel any offended but it sure tickles my funnies. ah. i love that guy lah . But aye, everyone knows that this is but a temp respite .

Confused and irriated. people should just fuck off and die.
{ 11:02 PM }

{ 2:11 AM }

I'm exhausted. maybe Its because someone made me walk all the way from Far East to PS. GEE. isnt that from one end to the other? isnt that super fucking far??? Silent Hill's an alright movie. i'd give it like 3 out of 5. The zombies were weirdass. but that lil girl was cute, so was that kinky nurse. Nice make up man. I found that movie had an eeire resemblance to this chi ghost show i watched like a lonng time ago. same plot, 2 lovers, each in diff dimensions.
{ 8:22 AM }

that bitch of mine has been getting really cranky recently. gosh. makes me feel like hitting. know what she did? she threw away my fucking bag and shirt just because she didnt like the sight of it. nice. IF things were to work in accordance with her fuctup principle, that i cud bloody throw her away too cos i simply cant stand her face and her fucktarded tantrums and her voice and her verbal assaults. what aggrevates me more is that she works her stupid nags around the assumption tt i value life. WHO THE FUCK SAID I EVER LIKED LIFE. i hate it i so fucking hate it.

i'm not suicidal but i dont mind dying. does that make sense?
{ 7:06 AM }

After a whole week of feeling like poop, my emotions have finally reached the breaking point. Instead of sleeping, i'm up tearing in front of this stupid square piece of shit. Letting out silent screams in my head and chanelling my anger to the only entity that says all the right things cos it never talks back. bah. home feels like a penace.

mother was being a bitch, father was simply (as always) a bloody eyesore/visual irritant. She doesnt understand why i hate him no much. i guess no one will. i just do. and he deserves every modicum of hatred i feel for him. and time and time again, the fault lies with me. its never them. My mother was giving me a prep talk about anger management a while ago. Despite being so repulsed by her, i forced myself to sit thru it cos i didnt want her to follow me up to my room. Its hypocritical. she's the one that takes shit out on me and everyone arnd her. Its just not fair. why are they allowed to have their pet peeves and not me. that's just life isnt it.

" so everything is my fault la"

"ya"
{ 9:12 AM }

I'm dead tired but i'll try to blog.

Lien told me a bunch of spooky stories on the way home. She freaked me out so bad that i kinda got the jitteres on the way home. you could say i was boderline paranoid. i love her !

The band concert was okay. Quite boring. I have to say, the best band concert i have ever attended is the VJC one, that jj invited me to. very funnie. they even put up a skit. Saw a few familar faces there.. i even caught a glimspe of jj. If that was him at all. =x

so yea dead tired. i didnt know how i sat thru the entire thing. 2.5 hours man. could have slept thru. did i..? i dont know. But i do know my mind was somewhere else. preoccupied with thinking. -nudge denise- this is an official statement declaring that i admit but do not admit. HMPF. that girl makes me laugh. i love her tuh.

sigh. i feel like shit.
{ 9:22 AM }

my mom mocked me when i told her i was ill. Ever since i gt home, she has been repeatedly calling me stupid. -laughs- i think she just misses me. (:

" you didnt even text a goodnight msn to me" awwww! wahhahah

soo the chalet was awesome. It wasnt so much the hacknayed catching up and bonding (urhh?)
but more of the nostalgic jokes and silly stuff we do. like...'phyro-ing" a cockroach and bbq-ing a bettle and faggot-ing around , and having gay baths and screaming like a girl and making fun of cadburys and OHM people. -grinn- lovely.

i feel ppl are too serious sometimes.

i learnt a valuable lesson. its better to sleep with phat ppl thn thin ones. cos they're warmer and their heat u noe , radiates . so naturally, i'll feel warmer. hahaha WHAT. thts wht i learnt la.

The bbq was fun too. i'm a bum. i love bumming around. I must admit i felt a little sheepish dashing across the huge road , screaming and running for my cab. so funnie.

I'm glad i stayed over for the second night of the chalet. argh. i'm exhausted. meds taking over.
{ 8:06 AM }

oooh. my mom's notebook rocks yo. its so compact and light, not to mention..cute. albeit a little inapt. Yes its ugly, but hw can something so square and mechanical look adorable? -cringe-

I think holidays should always be like today. It should be about getting 10 hours of sleep, 2 additional hours of nap. lazing around in ur Pjs till late noon/evening. ( haw haw) and doing absolutely nothing! haha what a wonderful rainy day. i woke up to a grey sky morning. that pretty much made my day.

Welcome back to civilisation hana! hee.

Was feeling exceedingly crestfallen ytd. yeah. up till like 2 hours before the next day cos darius is just so fucking hilarious. There are some people in this world, whose speech, char, actions just amuse you. Put it in a better way, they're just innately funnie woohooo


{ 4:13 AM }

currently feeling cranky, moody and borderline ( haha) shitty because i'm bored, sick and tired of mugging . i feel like i'm going against something that's bound to engulf me. And although this is always the case, i dont fucking feel like enduring cos i'm bored, sick and tired. ARGH. holidays my ass. been gg to skul almost everyday. if its not tut/lects, its bloody cca or pw. knnbccb. fuck fuck fuck. and there nick is , happily having the luxury to vegetate at home. SO NOT FAIR LA!!!!!

and my fucking phone is so awfully quiet. Its times like these that make me feel like throwing it against the wall.

i feel ugly. so fucking repulsed by myself.

i dont feel like mugging, noone's online, tv's playing shit. the radio just irritates me more. what the fuck am i guna do man. arghhhhh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. and its so fucking hot now. bleah. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
{ 5:30 AM }

hmmm. I love being spontaneous, because things turn out different from wht you expect. and its quite delightful! I guess its the whole apprehension, assumption = disappointment thing. Take away the first 2 and u'll get fun.

I was suppose to mit jav but i bailed for hana. ( ha ha) Tried to mug with her but minimal progress was made i think. Most of the time was spent on voicing our bio, laughing at hana's inability to sae anything with ' N' in it, and me heading for the ladies.

Then, i was supposed to head back to swiss around 5. I didnt really feel like going at first, but hana persuaded me to go. kuDos to her! Although close to none of my ex classmates went, vivi and li ting were there. omgggg miss them so fucking much y0. Its like at such alumni events, we're suppose to reminisc about the skul and stuff yea? but i hated my sec sch life. not entirely, only loved 1/4 of it. All in a short span of teh first year, i flunked, played and grew up the most. of course, that was before the silly twig took over. i rmb viv and i used to stroll round skul during math and chi and sleep thru geog . back then, we could walk out of class as and when we wanted. so fun .and there was a hell lot of bitching and rifts going on.

On my way home, i noticed the sky was unusually littered with stars and the moon was quite bright for a cresent. i frowned at the stupid memory that jabbed my mind at that instant. brushed it off and cont walking. heh.
{ 7:56 AM }

I FEEL SO REFRESHED, REVITALISED , REJUVINATED!! after a 3h nap, my eyes are wide open and i have never felt so alive. yeah.

I hate my fringe and think my purple nails are disgusting. It was black, like 2 days ago. but i changed it to purple because..i got sick of black. i cant even rmb the last time ( other than now) that it had on a sunshine color like those pearly shiny ones. gosh, i dont think it was ever pink. ha.

I dislike emo kids. In the words of some " emo is just a cheap imitation of goth " i'm not guna lash out a diatribe of biased and immature comments, but.. its just so pervalent. ARgh. like how some fucktards just vomit out every single emo band they know on the friendster, like it'll raise their status or something. music is music. Having a list of bands simply means that u listen to alot of different bands, playing the same fucking genre. w0w. so impressive. -.-lll

I miss the guys, i miss the guys + esplanaduu more. I'm not one who's active and friendly and social. you cant force that upon me. not that i am completely anti, but that part of me makes me feel so repulsed by myself. - cos its so plastic. love everyone and care for everyone? sorry, no thanks. tried, failed. expunge. mmm, ignore tht. i'm looking forward to the chalet. i miss them so.
{ 7:59 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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