Cheryl you cannot burn bridges. hence u CANNOT list the names of ' friends' that you dislike and having a problem with. such as

addhf and afhiu : WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

swdjfhe: COME UP WITH BETTER EXCUSES PLEASE

dfhwoiwa: I THOT YOU WERE MY FRIEND

weofihs: GROW UP
{ 9:00 AM }

Was watching the 930 news when i picked up something worth blogging:

" The olympic torch relay has been met with a RARE Protest free environment in North Korea"

-rolls eyes-. DUH?

I hope it rains soon. I cannot stand the sweltering heat. its killing me.
{ 7:10 AM }

I'm such a wreck. Me and stability never did get along. Change has always been the fucktarded monkey on my back, and Luck, Luck was never there. just a fleeting passerby that i bump into once in a while. Loneliness and i, we were like one, tightz likex virginzz. Lately, Insomnia decided that i'd be good company. So it has been the three of us for quite some time now, side by side, till the wee hours of dawn. i never liked them, but they wont go away.
{ 11:55 AM }

OK. I have no idea what to do this week. No plans whatsoever ( except a few days with my boyfriend). This might be a good thing. i need to save money. My insatiable craving for an intellectual diet makes me want to splurge on a few books from kino ( oh the pain). There is always the pubic library but i find their books bland and out dated. ( even though thts not a very good excuse because there are some unfinished books). But i'm craving FRESH and RELEVANT knowledge . gosh. Either way, i guess its library day tmr.
{ 8:08 AM }

My  father called me around an hour before midnight to inquire about my whereabouts. Regrettably, i ended up yelling at him. You're not the only one hurting you know.
{ 9:46 AM }

I'm feelin EMO.

mother i know you're worried but you're making it hard for me.

I love my boyfriend. its such a mushy act to declare but i love him and i think he's adorable and cute and hot and funnie. boyfriend went jamming today..aud hana and i were slacking at scape, waitin fur his friends to arrive ( who were like shit late btw STUPID FRIENDS MAKE MY BF WAIT). i miss him. neways, after much deliberation, and hesitation, we ended up at alley bar. Wanted to meet willy after jamming but apparently he had to rush home. ppfffffttttttttttttttttt. i miss my boyfriend :(

Apart from that, i lovez my naughtyzcx gurlxzxzxz ahahahahahah.

Martinis make me flush. and oh i hear the wind howling.

i love my loafers.

Its sort of heartbreaking to listen to my friend get like barked at by boyfriend. seriously. I'm sorry i know u're her boyfriend and all but fucking talk nicely asshole. she doesnt deserve to be treated like that. You can seal her hermetically in a freaken vault just because u're on another island. rolls eyes.

we went to alley because aud needed a drink. Haha i think i drank more alcohol than both of them combined. and i wasnt even sad. laughs....thn after that i got sad. lol
{ 9:28 AM }

i am tired irritated and worried. mother the holiday could not have come at a better time. go away. just GO away. someone said..dunno if its Plato or whoever else, that there's a right time to worry. that you shud stress urself only when it istime to stress urself. nows not the time. so. i .dont. nid. bad . negative. energy. from. YOU. go . AWAY.
{ 8:58 AM }

I went out for a little stroll around the neighbourhood, to get myself some bubbletea, little did i know i'd get more than i bargained for. On my way there, i inhaled the awesome evening air ( without exhaust fumes) and revelled at the evening 7 o'clock sky... at tt momemt, the thought of returning home drenched in rain was as unlikely as meeting mr X. but halfway thru my journey home, the SKY simply decided that the clouds above were getting a litle too cosy high up in the air. bitch. To make things worse, i had just taken a bathe. so i need to wash muh hair AGAIN. -.-lll and before i went out, i comtemplated if i shud bathe BEFORE i went out. sigh.

I feel damn irritated now. bye
{ 6:22 AM }

Hmm, according to Aristotle wealth is " anything that money can buy". Compare two individuals: One who is a proud member of the consumer culture thereby splurging on overpriced materialistic objects. And the other has one tenth the amount the first individual has, and spends it on books , travel..things that enriches his mind and body. It is scarcely needful to point out that the latter indiv is 'richer' than the former by a mile. As a result, i think i'm putting the miu miu bag on hold ( oohps =p) . Reading that article subdued my materialistic cravings quite abit. For a short period of time, i lost myself in the vapid yet hedonistic world carved out by many years of capitalism.





so yeah , to sum it up, i have found better ways to spend my "riches."

Party went well. Thanks everyone for coming!! I dont know how much i drank but apparently, enuff to make me stumble around becos i woke up the next morning bruised and battered. I inferred that i must have knocked onto and into alot of..things. I'm glad everyone had fun!!
{ 9:11 AM }

what a depressing week. I think i'm pretty.

I think halitosis is the worse disease you can ever get..second to AIDS- it makes cancer look like paradise. Here's why: Unlike cancer, where the disease actually invokes sympathy , halitosis just makes ppl HATE you. it makes ppl shun you like a plague. Sad huh. -shakes head- this social stigma should be corrected. NOT. haha. A halitosis sufferer can quote every damn AIDS campaign and preach day and night about accepting ppl for who they are and how their disease cannot be passed not via body contact. I understand and stand for everythng you say..really. but i'm sorry , your breath stinks and YOU need to do something about it because its impairing your ability to interact with people, which is important and vital for communal animals like us.

I suspect that all i'm feeling is in my head. ( well duh it is). No wait how do i put it.

I suspect that all i'm feeling is merely a hyperbola , an exaggeration. Get a grip of yourself cheryl, its not that bad (even if it is), you shouldnt let yourself spiral down like that. true true very true . unfortunately though, the aforesaid encouraging words carry no effect. I know its what i should do, to get myself out of this sandpit, before it realleh drags me down and drowns me but..oh the inertia. I dont know if i should force myself out or let nature takes it course- let this horrible state wash itself away.

I cant be around her. I need to get away from her.

I saw boyfriend for half an hour today. It surprised me how hanging out with him cheered me up. It genuinely surprised me- considering that one of the feet pinning me down to the cold floor belongs to him. i dont know what to say..err..I miss you..? i'd like to call him but i think i shouldnt. I feel so obligated to leave him alone. I feel so obligated to be so fucking mindful of what i do, because i dont want to be transpassing on his "space".

-shrug- but like whatever.

We'll see how tmr goes.
{ 9:20 AM }

Its almost like someone died. I think i died. I've been crying sporadically for four days straight. Its bad enough that i cannot forget the car incident , its worse when the guy i love doesnt want to be there for me. Let it go let it go. But i cant. the image haunts me.

I feel like i've been gg against the wave since forever.

and despite the intention, whatever you said hurts like hell. I know you meant to improve what we have but just take a second to reflect on your suggestions. Are they meant for OUR better or for yours. because i'm having a hard time keeping things from you and trying to find alternative ways to release the pain when i know you do it best.

it hurts . it hurts like hell
{ 9:35 AM }

I held the blade at just the tip of my skin. Pointed it there. Gently tracing my wrist. Felt the seducing prickly feeling. I paused for a while. thn the voice in my head said darling they've left you here, its the least you can do.

no one knows. no one knows. I cant bear the pain. i cannot do this alone.
{ 7:33 PM }

What a dramatic way to end a friday. I've said this time and time again and i will say this again, chiefly because it has been another of one of those days.

I lost the keys to my house ytd night. Knowing my mother, the most logical and safest thing to do would be so make replicas of the house keys in secrecy. I didnt have the guts to pull it off so i told her the bald truth. What an epic moment- i almost wished i had documented it. It was quite biszzare to see the avalance of emotions slowly snowballing into one big ball of RAGE. scarely 5 minutes after the truth, she was screaming her lungs out and hurling things at me. she even hit me. it didnt hurt- surprisingly. well her insanity went on for about 3 hours. by that time she had found another bone to pick. So the family went into the car screaming at each other. no wait, both of us were screaming at HER. I lost control. At one point i didnt even noe what i was doing. Like i was threatening her hitting her and doing weird actions and thn suddenly ' omg what am i doing??" i went crazy. i really went crazy. i couldnt control my body.

bitch

Father told me something really sad. sigh. i wish i could take away the pain.
{ 6:02 AM }

Ah. the fucking sense of betrayal.
{ 5:37 PM }

I was really disappointed and worried when i heard that the olympic concil ppl were considering to shorten the torch relay in light of the garang human rights activists. At the same time, i found it humorous that the ppl in charge of the olympic games, in their bid to please the Chinese, were willing to cut shorta race! a key aspect of the games! AND also, even if that werent true, those ppl were intimidated by (so far) peaceful protests! mere numbers and huge banners and ok maybe serious threats to the flame but no violence! the only violence were the ones initiated by the paranoid security forces present. And frm what i gather when the torch landed in Britain, the men in uniform did a pretty good job at protecting the flame!! omg... are they actually..AFRAID??? hahaha i guess all that effort is getting somewhere
{ 10:09 AM }

I'VE GOT TO SIT FOR A WRITTTEN TEST ON SATURDAY. AND I'VE JUST BEEN NOTIFIED TODAY. LIKE WHAT IS THIS. I HAVE NOT WRITTEN IN AGES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{ 6:28 AM }

I lost my hot hair. He cut it shorter than i wanted it to be and he did shit to it. Now its ugly and i feel ugly. realleh ugly. I went bezerk on thursday. I felt disgustingly FAT and unimaginably UGLY . Walking around town with such low self esteem is a killer . I hardly drank 1/2 of hot chocolate when my odious bulging tummy got the better of me. I pulled willy to the taxi stand. I wanted to go home. But i didnt, because the fucking long que and the rainy weather convinced me that it'd be a total waste of time and money- so we cabbed back to his place instead. It was only about 45 mins later, sitting in the toilet bowl, that i realised the culprit had been constipation. It didnt help that we fought during lunch because of a stupid packet of toilet paper and the word ' ass' and it didnt help that i was feeling like a freak and worrying ovr the whole smu thing. So i broke down. Sobbing my way to the washroom. I turned quite a few heads. are u happy now?

I tagged along because i didnt feel like gg home. ( as always). So it was more mosquito bites for me. I even had one on my LIP. This trip was more enjoyable because we brought alone a portable hotstove. So while they fished and delighted themselves in chopping seaworms up as bait, i was contented slurping on tang hoon and squid rings and beef in tom yam soup. At around 3 in the afternoon, bumped into a group of their mat friends. So it beame a singsong gathering in the middle of the jetty. quite fun. watching them pee into the sea and what not.

Morning was a bitch because of the irritating mosquito bites . No more steamboat, no more hello pandas-just the sun and the sea. Gary caught a fish. (woohoo). Willy and basil went snorkelling. I ..did nuttin. Bugged willy to go home because i was feeling shitty. So i just stood there. While he wadded thru the water like a little boy in search for something to catch. -rolls eyes- AWARE that i was bored shitless standing in the hot sun. right and i shudnt get angry while you have all rights to do so BECAUE I REFUSE TO BUY A PACKET OF TISSUE PAPER FOR YOU.

Its puzzling. we're all selfish. Its an accepted fact that human kind is selfish. And here we are, in our micro world, calling people selfish , as a form of insult, as a reason to dislike someone, as a critique. but aren't we all? You call me selfish but arent u as well? so what justifiable reason do u have to call me selfish and expect me to feel guilty or repentful of my actions? we're all selfish!

" but you're more selfish than me"

right love, you can sure measure an uncountable. so how can i be LESS selfish than you?
{ 12:37 AM }

I woke up at 7.30 this morning. Was about to head back to sleep at around 10.40 when i got a msg from chuck. met him for bf, before spending the subsequent hours loitering around town. Headed to serene centre after to have ice cream and hang out with his friends ( who are all younger thn me btw.) I left just when they started pokering- to meet hana and fad at bugis. What a tiring day. and i didnt even cab! (wooohooooo)

Ate alot. shall exe ASAP

Fuck you people, now i know who my friends reallie are.

I hate everybody. I hate everyone. Sometimes i really really need help and i do reach out. But no one listens. Its not that i dont try. hais.

mother you suck.
{ 7:32 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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