I cant believe this pic actually got some favourites.ITs a horribly sampat picture of me in disgusting flip flops and legs as long as toothpicks, holding my shopping bags in the utmost unglam matter. i think i put the brand to shame. AND IT FAVOURED. WHAT THE FUCK.

I think i'm getting it all wrong. But after all that mulling, i've made the decison long ago that the exams would not be worth risking him for. And if that happened i might not forgive myself. Then again, sacrifices are necessary and ..yada yada [ insert the 'right' thing to do and reasons for it here]

Is it better to be an optimist or pessimist? though i didnt attempt that qn here's my take on it: I think its best to be a realist. nOt too sanguine, not too fatalistic. If you've observed things around u enough, u'd realise e v e r y t h i n g

digress::::

hope says:
maybe once a week to send u home

I hope says:
maybe twice a week to see you smile

I hope says:
and 1hour to hold ur hand

I hope says:
1 minute to holdu tight

I hope says:
and 1 second to feel u right

I hope says:
wahhh

I hope says:
nice one la wilson

hurr whatever.

As i was saying.. everything is about balance. I wish i knew why. While logic encompasses all efforts to sway any nagging doubts, i'm still rather perplexed by it all. Being a realist, knowing when to look on the bright side, knowing when to expect the worst. Believing that everything will turn out better in the end sort of sends one on this endless journey for the quest of something better. How long can you run? Just how long can u keep telling yourself that ' tmr will be a better day?"

And being a pessimist is just a pain in the ass really. not just to urself but everone around u. predicting the worst, believing tat everything fails and there is no good in this world is downright pathetic and shallow on the part of the pessimist. It wont do u good, its not doing others good, spreading all that unnecessary negative vibe. so why dont you keeep to ur words and slide that knife across ur throat. the world doesnt need you.

Lastly, you cant hate politicians for playing dirty. Politics is a slut itself.

{ 8:08 AM }

I hate myself. I let myself slack this week and now i'm behind my study schedule. I got so fucking engrossed in my book and other things that i just allowed them to top my list . An underserving move. so now i have to wrk doubly hard. Even tho i've done my work it seems like i havent done anything at all. Like..i'm still clueless about the whole cloning thing. i'll have t work on that. and history makes me feel stupid. It makes me realise how square and myopic my mind is. sigh

i hate to plan because i dont like to see wahts ahead. but i knw that the more i prcrastinate the harder things will be. the last minute scurrying and the constant irritable feeling that everything is closing in on me which makes me scurry around like some jittery mouse. i hate that.

And that cca testimonial thing makes next week all the more dreadful. not because i havent got started on it yet, its because i cant. cs i dont know how to. fucking bastards. i dont get why we have to do it.
{ 8:35 AM }

aren't you? well i am. I am sick of the double standards. so disgruntled with how others keep getting the larger portion of the cake, or the cherry on top of the icing. everything.

why not me? make it happen. too late

I'm jealous of the stress-free carefree kids. I wish i could live life so relaxed and take this slowly. I wish i need not have to muddle through this useless draining education system. I wanna be able to enjoy life at my pace and not at an allocated day of the week within a certain time frame. These boundaries. asphyxiating

I wanna fly

Sometimes, sacrifices are necessary. But how do u determine whether they are worth it or not. Do you assess your choices within the moral framework based on the general opinions of society or within yourself? which is more worth giving up?
{ 8:24 AM }

I woke up today thinking you were beside me. Wanted to roll over to hug you. all i saw was space and the floor. Dont know why he wanted to sleepover all of a sudden,but it was a very nice way to end of this awful week. macho macho macho.

{ 6:29 AM }

I feel so..maligned and insulted and unhapppy!

Sucks to have a friend with so much fur/wool/hair that is clogs up her ears . I get filtered so much its so fucking frustrating.

Thn i get home hoping to see some dinner in the kitchen. Indeed some form of dinner. I could cook a meal much better thn what she did with that piece of meat. It was hard, oily and tasteless. Rice, ugly meat, soup with nothing inside but meat. thats all i had. Bad dinner = bad mood. she came back shortly after i had my meal and asked " do u want me to cook for you?" I JUST ATE THE RUBBISH U COOKED BITCH. AND IF U HAD ANY SENSE OF TIME YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT I ALREADY HAD MY FUCKING DINNER.

thn my dad decided to cook his own dinner and opened a can of lard. That ignorant bastard didnt noe / bother to find out what was in the can . decided to play the hopeful naive child thing and pray for something yummy inside. When i walked into the kitchen he pointed to the simmering pot and asked me what was tt. *roll eyes* naturally, it went to the bin. how wasteful and foolish. u're an adult for goodness sake. ACT LIKE ONE

Not that wahtever willy did made things worse. I was irritated with him to start with. i dont like being shoved aside i dont like being shoved aside how many fucking times must i tell you that i dont like being shoved aside. He's like fucking busy with projects now. Despite that its hard to believe you dont hae afew minutes to spare to reply my msg. and MAYBE if it wasnt for that four days of procrastinating you would not be so packed with shit. YES YES I KNOW, POLY LIFE IS LIKE THAT. CANT ESCAPE THE WHOLE BUSY THING

fine

So i told him, i'd give others in return what they give me. A tic for a tac. he sed he was disappointed. I was so flabberghasted it tickled me funny. excuse me?? In what way does that warrant ur disappointment? Was i ever that morally upright that u'd think doing such a thing falls short of ur expectations of mE?? I dont want to be virtuous loser who's at the receiving end of nothing.

forgive. endure. understand. forgive endure understand. I think i need to recite these three words with a vigour like those muslim kids in those camps. But is it fair? or justifiable that i you keep giving the same reasons tt i constantly have to break my back trying to bend my logic to sync with urs. Thn i'd have to alter one of my key values that i hold so dearly which can only be conveyed thru this stupid phrase called time management.hhahaha i feel funny even saying it.

" so..maybe it isnt that bad that he ignores my msges"
" so..maybe it isnt that bad that knows that i dont like it but he does so anyhow"

But.. is it that bad?

fuck, are u even gonna call me. totally no regard for my feelings at all
{ 7:54 AM }

hais . all so ugly.

{ 7:58 AM }

ouh my gawd am i becoming feminist??? actually no, never. One of their key beliefs is that women shouldnt alter their perceptions of beauty to impress men. In layman terms, they shudnt bother dolling up for the penised race. I beg to differ. In my opinion, i think all those who ascribe to that thought are ugly. They're just finding an excuse to justify their petulent cry for men to date ugly people. why? because i dont have to look pretty for you. urhh..right.

Actually, what i think they mean is tt women dont have to try so hard for guys. We should be proud of our looks, no matter how..uncanny. Its so wrong, i think its even against nature itself. Like..the birds and the bears and possibly the ugly fish in the sea all have their own ways of attracting the opposite sex. the peacocks have their thing with the feathers, the birds have their own quirky dance. They're all trying to charm the opposite sex. Whats so wrong with putting a little make up, bothering to make my hair right and add a little gloss on my lips for my guy?? Dunno la. Heck, i even think botox is alright.


Back to me. I think its so fucking repremandable that i'm so comfortable with how i look. the line between plain indifference and being totally satisfied has been blurred. whatever. but i really dont care what you think.. omg.this makes me sound like some uglyfat bitch with gargantious facial pores and a face sprinkled with so much zits, its sstarting to look ike my polka dotted skirt.

i shud just drop the whole thing. hahaha

i think dear wants me to blog about our date . he keeps asking if i've blooggged. alright. He was so weirdly sweet. He sort of couldnt keep his hands off me. which is like fucking weird. Even he found it weird. hahaha honey i like those cute little pecks.

when one mentions clarke quay, what do u think of? yes, those by the seaside restaurants. where did he bring me? some resrnt in the MALL. hahaha but the food was nice. i guess. expensive. i paid for it. we sat at the wrong place.

Rules for a date
1) its best to reserve. even if u noe the place is fucking empty. it makes a girl feel good
2) ambience ambience ambience
3) rmb to bring enuff money
4) do not be late when u pick her up
5) LAST LONGER

haha. despite all of that i enjoyed our first date. sitting by the huge drain, smelling the dirty water, with him by my side. you're so fucking macho i wanna eat you.
{ 7:34 AM }

{ 8:17 AM }

gee. I feel like a jummpy brazillian coffee bean. I feeel so jumpy. so rushed. like im supposed to be so fucking busy that my eyes hurt but whats there to be busy about? Sch just started so there's nth much to cover. ok yes, i should so be doing my homework. Not that i didnt try. resources in the damn sch library. and the fucking com screen is distracting. but i cant switch it off because i'm charging my lousy ipod. ( which after 1.5 hrs is 90% charged) cheebye

no time to blog what i want. bye

Time flies.
{ 6:48 AM }

hi i love my boyfriend. I think he's dumb and macho and cute. He makes me mad and I feel like murdering him alot.

I was minding my own business , enjoying my little blue plate of muslim food when JENNA popped up from nowhere. what a pleasant surprise. glad to see her. Though i'm not entirely close to her, she is part of the class and having a rather prominant figure detatched from 30 definately makes the class..less noisy. munch munch munch. starring cross eyed at the little piece of chicken wing as i tear it apart munch munch munch. the guys came. Shane sed smth mean to jenna, which made her storm off. He maintained ignorance under the pretext that he was just joking. but i recalled him /them bitching about her this morning and shit. oh how unpleasant it made my lunch. As much as i want to stay out of class politices ( i think the things they fuck about are silly and issues are blown out of proportion), i thought that was mean. It wasnt very nice

joke or not joke. please be sensitive to ppl's feelings ya. or something. I didnt say anything when they were bitching about how jenna left early and like they organised it and if the girls wanted to bitch about them or something thn they shud try to organise one themselves. err. didnt be plan jen's farewell party in class. i say it turned out pretty good. :D haha . i thought to myself, hmm its just an issue. why kick such a huge fuss about it?

I wonder if he'll be offended by reading this. I wonder if any of them reads my blog at all. haha. doubt. since he doesnt care waht people think ( i'm sure) thn i bet he wont care about what i have to say as well. hurrah.

and..i have 5 more mins .

quick quick

politices. is so....redundant, humdrum , hackneyed. dont you get sick of it? the constant hyprocrisy, the backstabbing, the rumour mongering, the instigation. But i'm nobody. Im just an outsider giving a point of view.

another point of view.

Its sad to see ********* . Its like..ok. i cannot think of an appropriate metaphor. I dont know why they chose to keep the truth privy to u. But i think u shud noe.


And i thought some more. About family craps, and huger problems . There's so much other shit worth fighting about. really.

I promise i'll say no more. Would not.
{ 6:42 AM }

I was enjoying the call. i really was. Its like the highlight of everyday. After an exhausting day at school, or a seemingly never ending boring day at home, i look forward to it. It makes a bad day less bad, gives me hope that my bad day might not really be that bad.

and thats why i bloody hate it when that call doesnt come thru. I just got off the fone abruptly *rolls eyes* due to a rudely unpleasant interruption by his mother cause she wanted to him sleep. * rolls eyes again* Respect aside. ( insert sarcsm here) Its stupid and annoying. farking annoying. omigod if my mom was like that , we'd be screaming at each other all night.

I cant stand hearing her nagging voice over the fone. it sorta drives me insane. Lately i've been hearing alot of nagging; from this mom and bruh directed at him. and all of is about STUPID stuff like not doing the dishes and SLEEP. god whats with sleep?!?!!?!?

I've been fighting to keep the condescending part of me subdued but i dont think it deserves to be kept in the dark anymore. Understanding is one thing, having my views is another.

rrr

I wanna be all that you got
{ 8:44 AM }

I think its hard being wilson ( pun not intended) . He tries to balance everything. which is quite impossible because someone obviously has to take the backseat.

I dont like taking the backseat. Lol. I'm being totally girlfriend here but yes, i hate to have attention stolen from me for..more thn i can bare. which is what he did on saturday, which is why my mood soured . Bt he being totally guy had no clue.

I didnt yell at him. i understood. hurr

ooooh! bumped into erics and jingyi! and several of his friends. nice day
{ 8:33 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

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