happy birthday vanessa =) i bought her present this evening .. its... nice. unique. and lame. like yeah, whad'ya expect from cheryl? i hope she likes it. i did my best. cos her present was the most 'present perfect' gift in the shop ; at least to me. so yeah. hope she likes it.

on the other hand, being the person that i am. i bot smth for myself t0o : a black pig with blue light emanating out of its nostrils. COOL. and i bot the sequal to the hermaprodite murder book i so raved about last year. -chuckles -

all this while waiting for The Island tuh start. i didnt even noe the plot, in fact i never heard of this movie. but it was worth my money.full of suspense . the girl is pretty . . i like her lips. Uber pouty.

j8 changed alot. rmb the lastt time i went there. HAH.
had candy floss for dinner. yummy .

i'm not feeling too well. i told vanx n lien wht happened , they seemed happy for me. like yea. its wonderful news . i should jumping and clicking my heels with glee but i canT! there will always be a lil black cloud raining over me. and i'm cold cos the lil black cloud just rained on me. haha wth.

i should have seen it coming. i was nth close to sanity in the afternoon, laughing at.. practically nothing?? even a aeroplane imprint on the bus got me convulsing with laughter. and i gasp when i saw a cow with bananas on the bus. i thot it was real. lols. thn blackie ate prawn shit. MmMmM...SO yummyyyyyy. he loves to suck the prawn head. nyahahahaa... i learned smth new todae! now i noe whts a teh chino!!!!!!! so cool. so mesmerising. like convection current..it works on the principal of denisity.

oh..and i just love the russian dance. where the dances squat and move their legs back and forth.


wretched and disconsolate
i lost my fear of falling
you're all i see
in this dying world.


{ 11:28 PM }

I cannot ignore the close seblance between mrs heng and my mother. While their features are as similar as a fish is to a penguin ( dont ask me where i got that), there is less dichotomy in how they deliver their querulous nags and the morose effects it induces unto me.

i think i flinch. Not when she said we hurt her feelings, but when she slammed the books onto the table. her face flushed, eyes blazing with anger and hurt of monstrous proportions. i guess pedo's sickness is blessing in disguise. If he were present , she's channel her fustrations to him. i cant rebuke the stark fact that our kls lacks urgency. perhaps..we're more.. stoic than others. hyprocritical to be exact? its obvious how every single kid in e6 is mugging their ass off . that statement just made me view blogging as a transgression.

--

Warning : spastic outbursts

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so STUPID! DUMB! RETARDED!!!!! he's nt as cute as mark ( not THAT one) but he's . charming? not brad pitt charming but oh-so-intellectual charming. and i stumbled, fumbled and.. BAH. i began blabbering on picture discussion. he told me to describe the bg. and so i did. on the stunted palm trees..and thn i entered a continuous talk on nutrition on plants. he had to stop me. Thn he asked me to give evidence as to why i tot that particular cadbury was female. ?!?!?! '' she has breats" i blurted. -slaps myself-
{ 7:26 PM }

Clement, please stop farting. its stinky and i dislike the smell, its potent and pungent. and saffocating. i feel like dying sometimes. worse thn sulphur

i guess its pms season once again. trivial matters placate me. like his farts, and j.d's voice and mdm lam's face. okay. her voice. she did that trademark 'tsk' when she saw li ting tryna cut into our kls this morning. she even mumbled to herself. hell, i had to think how her kid hasta endure her querulous naggings. everytime she speaks, or starts to pick on anything. i fell a lump within me, swelling up with each breathe she takes. argh. she nv takes responsibility , nv fails to impute blame onto us either. grrr.

on a lighter note, pedo finally got a mp3. i think, its better than an ipod or zen. sure, it doesnt appear as fancy or classy as aforesaid mp3s , but it can store vids man! i watched unholy confessions thru that small screen. -chuckles-.

sheila literally sneazed the whole damnned day away. if i were her, i'd rather shoot myself in the brains.

and....
and...
and.....

i'm green.
-sulk-

whaT.
{ 6:23 PM }

somehow or rather, i feel that all teachers have abandoned all hope for e6 to excel in the upcoming exam. period. they put us down like nobody's business. mrs. heng thinks we're stupid. and i think the others render us hopeless. i feel more demoralised thn not. i understand they mean well and their serious prep talks aim to push us forth but putting us down almost everyday is beyond absurd. i've been mulling over studies . what the hell has gotten into me? i frown ( oh yes i can) cos of my inability to perform and not over lovey..stuff.

sidetrack : i feel love adopt's Lenz law. in which the direction of it is such that its purpose always opposes the change producing it.

sighh. i think i'mthe onli one of e clique w.o i racial constume. i want a chinese traditional one. either qi pao or chiong sam. haha . i mean, it is racial harmony day . i wanna break from the whole idea of wearing the enthic constumes of another race just cos its in abundance. i'm chinese and i'm damn well proud of it. i cant speak fluent mandarin but i'm proud of my race. i am not ashamed of my black hair nor my black eyes. *glares*
{ 11:11 PM }

12th july

Did i mention billy is hot? Did i mention i went watched G.C live? *beams with excitement* by now, u shoud have used ur sagacity to construe my endeavour to contain my excitement. it humours me how i spent close to 2 hrs fixed on billy and no one else? nyhahaha geesh, i think i saw paul for no more thn 5 minutes. benji as well. maybe joel got like i dont know. anyway, the point was : they rocked. i better shut my trap before i start sounding like some crazed groupie fanatic.

i hope i never see that couple again. the one whu made out in front of me. *grimace* they're nt even .. good looking. the girl looks like a witch. with 2 ponitails bounded by neon green bands. and the guy reminds me of some ass so i wont credit him for his looks ( nt that he shud be credited) . AND THEY SHOVE THEIR TONGUES INTO EACH OTHER'S MOUTH IN FRONT OF ME! i felt my lunch rise up my throat. that squirmish egocentric bitch.

i cant exactly recall in intricate detail abt the whole concert . that about sums it all up. i just left the short twelve year olds, poseur thirteens ( Op skirt somemore..) , Fat gs girls out.. yup.
{ 7:27 AM }

This week has been everything BUT quaditian. come to think of it, it zoomed past so fast , i was hardly able to grasp hold of it. . i'm nt guna rant about my chinese oral, nor lament over it. lols. i'm the least of upset actually, no i daren't sae i did ooberly well. or borderend perfunctory to sae the least. but -shrug- i accept that my chinese sucks piss.

anyhoo, after a gruelling day of 'hard work' the four of us decided to treat ourselves to bubble tea and some snacks after school (in the evening) on the slope near the stadium. kinda like an evening picnic. open for all standing on the mrt track to see. Clee and jy saw us. we waved frantically. lols. so we bitched and gossiped and praised Hitlet, Mao and LKY in their trademark stance. okay, cephy for lky. he has no stance. Its been ages since we last , u noe. really talked? i guess. Ever since the start of term 3, almost all conversations revolve around. um. work. puntuated with silly , inane , comments. nyhaha. yea. i love vanx when she's mad, she gets scarrier thn me. its fun!

i'm sure u've read in female mags about how lazy guys are, how they treat their hse like a shack onli for sleeping, eating n shagging? well, i think i know why they'r so lazy. i think that trait is inbuilt. all they hafta do is upzip their pants and POOF. wee comes ..weeiing out. Us? pull our pants down, wee thn wipe it. bah. okay. this is so gross. but just random thot. feel freee to pretend like this para nv existed. =)
{ 11:28 PM }

Here i am, seated in this awfully sunken chair as Sean connary talks in that stupid cadence of his. He makes me feel irriated. Time pasts so fast, there's hardly anything to write considering how it just zooms past me. one could say i did alot of work, but to me, i feel like i hardly did anything at all. queer. uncanny. 4 more sets of chem papers lay dangerously at my desk. i can almost see it reek its venom into my ears , thn kill me silently. hahaha. i should be embelishing copiously on the papers with my bea-u-ti-foo hand wring but here i am. tapping on the keyboards instead.

i discovered smth new abt myelf last night. i realise once i start working, and really really put my mind to it. there's no stopping me. not even myeslf. i worked till my stomach did hoola hoops round my head. i didnt stop..till that thud thud took its toll.

i dreamt of superman. and that someone tried to kill me. i've been dreaming of flying n dying recently.. not suicide. but murder. like those on tv..where u die a horrible bloody death , with blood spattered everywhere. but i always wake up before i get killed. its the same ol, someone's tryna kill me and i'm guna die. There was this dream which had a medievel setting. and i had wings. like the ones in constantine. -smirks- but i flew in the wrong direction and fell anyhow. =x



its like i'm screaming on the top of my voice ' look at me look at me!"
but u dont see me
{ 8:17 PM }

*shakes head* people change. . and . i'm disappointed. . thank god i onli found out 30-40 mins before Friday came to past. if it has dawned on me earlier, any mood to do any form of studying would have been expunged. hmm. maybe not. At present, i'm quite focused on my studies. thanks ian, thanks candy , thanks melvin , clement, jing yi. All those who took Kamal's inspirational speech to hart and literally ' maximised time ' . you know, all those prep talks by teachers, each and everyone of them slapped me in the face, like a huge scandanavian blubber fish. big reality checks. with them heralds hope, followed by an avalanche of self doubt .

if u know me, i'm not an avid fan of confidance/determination. Unless i put my heart and soul into it. ok. the latter contradicts witht he former. anyways, why thn cant i immerse myself in hard work? it leaves me perplexed. A part of me, a tiny, minute, liliputian part of me fears myself. yes. thats right. must ammend that.

Congrats to Lien for comin in 7th and vanx 10th. =D
Li-en ( MHUAHAHAHA) is abound with determination, but the fact that she ascribes to it on the wrong ( not really) occasions humours me. and her aswell.

oh. T'dae was real banana-ish. i took the same bus as b-daddy. and clement offered me two chucks of his banana. yummy. its small and sweeet. big ones..taste too raw. and they leave me too full. went to his hse but there weren't anymore.. =( geez ppl. what were u thinking? -smirks- dont think i dont know.


" life's instrinsic defination that is, constant change , argues against rigidity. Seriousness may be no more than self protection "
{ 11:21 PM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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