I've got a million and one things to do and yet i'm doing nothing. i feel horrible. And knowing me, its only a matter of time till i get my act together. I've got..books to read..tuts to do.. OVERDUE reflections to hand in..and my driving. groans. my driving.

.. and i will continue later. aud's here.

so bruised. just like amy. thats why i love her.

update:

okay. went for roy's birthday dinner. HAHA. i didnt have dinner. i didnt even talk to his friends. it was awkward. but at least i had hana and aud. we were mostly engaged in our own conversation.

took an ass long bus ride back to the west side to meet shaney and joseph for MAH JIONG. the guys won big. audrey left after mj while the guys stayed for a movie ( which i made them watch). Funnie. horror movie with guys are boring. they have no reactions. ah. the machismo in them. i think jo's funnie. ( okay shane too. HAHA).

ought to be sleeping.

oh. and pertaining to waht aud told me, i find it quite hard to believe. Am actually extremely flattered. what she told me made me feel better than good sex; although its rather unbelievable. REALLY? laughs. no way. these things dont happen. how bittersweet and noble of you. fck u :) Screw your self righteous chivalry. Are you afraid of hurting me? because you're not someone i'd fall for. you're dirt. just like the others. d.i.r.t.
{ 3:38 AM }

liarr liarr pantss onn fireee hangingg fromm a telephonee wireeeeee.

nise, why do our lives mirror each other?
{ 6:27 AM }

I need to take control of my life.

FINALLY got amy touched up. Randy sed tt they ( the people of sg's FIRST tat mag omg there is i didnt noe) wanted to put AMY in their first issue but MDA didnt approve because of nudity issues. BUT I AM HONOURED NONETHELESS!

I feel awful. maybe its time for a new tat. but i dont know what to get. i've got a few ideas here and there but no feel leh.

sigh.
{ 11:56 AM }

The demons will come tonight.

afraid.
{ 8:30 AM }

Met up with momo on monday. went for drinks at demp. Well its about time that we sat down and caught up. Momo always goes missing for a month or so we meet up and in that short span of time, somehow or rather i always manage to get myself into some outrageous situation. so yeah, needs his perspective on things. needs his cynicism. but apparently i've become more of a cynic than he is. He still believes in love. laughs. no love. no love.

Having amy touched up tmr. whee. might get some stars. we'll see.
{ 7:23 AM }

I fuck you because you are famous. I fuck you for your money . I fuck you to fuck you over. I fuck you until I can find someone better. I fuck you fuck you in secret . I fuck you out of boredom . I fuck you because I can't feel it anyways. I fuck you to make the pain go away . I fuck you so I could feel something, instead of nothing at all. I fuck you because I am your whore. I fuck you because you are a whore(wink). I fuck you for fun. I fuck you for fun. I fuck you because I can't. I fuck you so I have a place to stay.

you can kill yourself now; because you're dead in my mind .
{ 3:31 PM }

My mouth was a crib and it was growing lies
I didn't know what love was on that day
my heart's a tiny bloodclot
I picked at itit never heals it never goes away

I burned all the good things in The Eden Eye
we were too dumb to run too dead to die

This was never my world
you took the angel away

I would have told him then
he was the only thing that
I could love in this dying world
but the simple word "love" itself
already died and went away


Her heart's a bloodstained egg
we didn't handle with care
it's broken and bleeding
and we can never repair
{ 11:22 AM }

The ex boyfriend called me while i was sleeeping. Slightly upset because i wanted to sleep it away. But he called and i dont know if he made things better but he made me laugh. yes. your horrible voice and in burps in between songs. I need a miracle please let me be ur girl. i'm all over you. i'm not over you. i hate everything about u.
{ 10:22 AM }

I am easily make believe
Just dress me up in what you want me to be

Imma happy girl. got my sidekick. and new headphones.

Some things mean alot to me . these little acts. I dont hand them out easily.
{ 10:11 AM }

omg my lecturer is so boring i can die. Cant wait for lect to end. zoom home. SLEEP. i love sleeping. i love my bed and sleeping.

I have beawesome friends. hanny rocks. limmy too. muahs.
{ 1:16 AM }

Fuck you la. seriously. Sex is overrated. you minimalise the act and place it on a pedestal at the same time. the fucking irony. Dislike you poser hardcore kids . Life's too good for you fuckers. have to DELIBERATELY fuck it up. and thn wallow and mop tt u're life sucks. please. you fucked up ur own life. thats not cool. poser.

WHY is your life fucked up. you tell me. WHY?!

People have reasons for doing things. There's a reason behind everything. If you think i'm stupid think again. If you think i dont know whats going on like some stupid xtian fuckers, think again. love? no love. its a business transaction . Nothing more than interaction .
{ 4:46 PM }

I'm so glad i finished reading Apology.

Went for mel's 21st birthday celebration. Arrived late becuz SOMEBODY refused to allow me to leave. I was expecting like a hotel room party..not like a function room thingy party. There was even a dancefloor. haha but no one was like dancing dancing. It was awesome seeing all my friends there. miss thm like fucking shit and i never get to see thm in school!

OH. bumped into ernie last night!
{ 5:28 AM }

While the devil dances round me begging me to play along.

Went to school for nothing this afternoon. jap lect was crap. watched some stupid documentary.

The cab ride home was so unbearable. the driver drove so mutha fucking slow i wanted to kill myself.
{ 12:07 PM }

I fell sick 2 days before sch started. horrible. Fevered for three fucking days. I ought to be more hardworking. go out less. read more books. right.

sigh. i feel sad. Just sitting here. waiting.
{ 7:17 AM }

Meeting darius later. am excited! I've got soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to say!
{ 10:48 PM }

we celebrated audrey's 20th at timbre just a while ago. i'm glad she loved it and had fun. I zonked out like half the time. I dont know what was wrong with me. And its not tt i was troubled or anything. cringe. Anyways. HOENG MENG HONG. MENG MONG MING OR WHATEVER FUCK YOUR NAME IS. you is damn cool. hahahaha. laughs

I insisted on taking the bus home. Hana was sick so she took a cab home. i refused to cab. I wanted to take the bus. I wanted my long quiet bus ride home. In fact, i was looking forward to it. So after i bid hanny farewell. I was left wandering the streets for a while. Didnt know whre i was gg but thank god i found the NR bus stop . lol.

ryan called and asked me for supper but i guess i wasnt in the mood. to talk.

i didnt mind walking around alone. i didnt mind waiting forevr for the bus. i didnt mind walking the long stretch home. Had my adventure ' pack ' haha.

I dont think i can trust you. i dont know. be careful cher. be fucking careful.
{ 11:11 AM }

Wasnt really looking forward to going home. went back to hell. sigh. avoid. avoid. avoid. Mother smelled the smoke. I have to be careful.

you know what? ??

i starred at the screen
and instead of feeling crappy
i did a dance
A DANCE.

ok cheryl. soak it in soak it all in. dont thnk. the more u think the more you tap into ur humanity the crappier u feel. WAKE UP.
{ 4:51 PM }

phuture. was . beawesome . really . very . awesome . fucking . fun . srsly . hahahahahahahahah omg i cannot believe . but stil. omg. fer real? whatever.

i want more ice tea.

so what. i'm still a rockstar. i got my rock moves. ahaha

daryl and i were singing miserable at best outside phu. omg. lol.

i broke a glass and slit my wrist. no fuckers i am not suicidal. i didnt realise until in the shower. its not deep. but good memories.

i want more tats. go have amy touched up and get more stars.
{ 2:28 PM }

I secretly feel like curling up in a tight corner under my table and sob and grumble that life is not fair and that i am just as deserving as anyone else. but i cant because i have sb over. and i know i'm supposed to wake u up/call u whenever i feel down but i just dnt feel like. i dunno. i dunno . i dunno i dunno i dunno.
{ 9:41 AM }

Hi i am rage. hi i am ugly piece of shit. hi i am tool. hi i am object.
I cant seem to crawl out . I keep trying. keep digging. keep truding.. until i'm a few feet from the light and i slip back. Now and then someone reaches out, i stretch, my hand barely able to touch the tip of his fingers. I hear him laugh. mock me. the hand withdraws. I fall back.
{ 11:54 AM }

OMG. HYPERVENTILATING. BREATHE BREATHE. THE WORLD IS SO FUCKING SMALL ITS SCARY. THIS COUNTRY IS TOO SMALL. EVERYBODY FUCKING KNOWS EVERYBODY. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG HOW!?!?! WAH SHIT. I AM IN SHOCK. STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID. HAHAHHAHA OMGOMGOMGOMOGMGOMG STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{ 6:58 AM }

hangoverhangoverhangoverhangoverhangover. stupidsmokesstupidsmokesstupidsmokes. i was actually okay. but i just HAD to chain. fucking hell. stupidstupidstupid.

the events of last night and this morning :

Cried like fucking shit
Made up with nise
hugged banana countless of times
smoked ALOT
Drank several cans of beers and SEVERAL shots of vodka of SEVERAL brands
lost my wallet
threw straws as tho they were confetti in swansens
throw small pieces of bread around
kicked and broke the flower pot at coldrock
stole a huge bottle of NIN JOM PEI PA KAO.
accidentally tore up an issue of the economist and placed it back
got hold of a kitchen knife
waved to old men
Tore up the poster outside crystal jade
{ 9:32 PM }

I LOST MY MEMORY CARD I AM SO HEARTBROKEN . ALL THE SCANDALOUS PICTURES. ALL THE PRETTY PICTURES. AND ALL THE IMPORTANT PICTURES. ARGGHHHH ITS KILLING ME. ITS HURTING AS MUCH AS A BREAKUP. I'M REALLY REALLY SHATTERED.

janice was a naughty girl last night. i was so happy for her. role reversal mannnn. i behaved. i behaved behaved behaved. ehehehehahahaehehehahahaahaahhaahhahhaahahah.

OH AND I SPENT 09 WITH MY NEIGHBOUR AS WELL. HAHAHAHAH

and sorry jeremy. but its not exactly my fault. singtel sucks la huh? because of the service lag he spent NYE outside the zouk toilet. hahahahahahaah .
{ 5:55 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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