Wednesday, January 30, 2008
why are you sad. whats wrong with telling me why you're sad? its frustrating and hurting. i know you can deal with it urself but it doesnt hurt to share does it. -shrug-

cheryl you worthless cow

momma cooked yummy crabs for supper. yummy yummy. but she lost the kiap kiap thing that u use to eat crabs with. so i had to crack the shell with my teeth. ouch. i love her. i love daddy too. i'll prollybe so disgusted with what i just wrote tmr. definately.

its 1.10 i've got work tmr and i'm not tired. i'm troubled. for once its nt about my own problems. what a relief.

sigh.

i offered to pay for his excursion thingy. i finally got him to agree to my proposal but he ended up not wanting to go in the end. something must have come up. i'd like to know why thank you. i told him mom would pay for it but i wasnt planning to let her pay for my boyfriend. laughs. i'd use the 1k she owes me and fork out the remaining myself, which i wont have much trouble obtaining.

i guess there's no need to think about that now

{ 9:07 AM }

Tuesday, January 29, 2008
" For a time he was in danger of being replaced; however in April his main critic, deputy premier, Frol Kozlov, suddenly died" HAHAHAH yeah. they just had to put that word in. laughs. The thought of historians adding humour to their book is hard to digest. hahaha but its funnie.

i cant sleep. I like to hit the bed fuck tired because i dread thinking before i sleep. The interval between getting into bed and atually sleeping is dreadful. Because in tht space of time, somehow i dont know whyy. i'd think of my troubles. i'd get disturbed and unhappy. Its like a daily review of my life or something. Never about happy things. always about unsettled problems. i dont like it.


i'm tryna be optimistic because its the only way to prevent myself frm being chronically depressed. I told myself one evening , cher u cant go on like this. keep on thinking like thtat and u'll be dead soon. and believe it or not. i do not want that to happen. because the ffeeling of being painstakingly depressed sucks.


Tonight my results and my (possible) baby are bugging me. I'm being quite blase about my possible pregnancy because, gee, whats the worse tt can happen in this month? Couldnt get any worse. i know my life will be over after the results are released anyways.

i dont feel preggy though. stupid fucked up menstruation cycle.

{ 8:36 AM }

Monday, January 28, 2008
I ought to be spanked and sodomy-fied for not blogging about best friend day ytd. I met them at gombak after swimming with hana. We bought junk food and chilled in my room ( which is about the only thing you can do). Actually, to be truthful, it was more of a total bitch session. Anyways i enjoyed catching up and laughing and people who deserve to be mocked. By dinner time, we had fnished up 2 packets of twisties and 2 packets of MnMs.( peanut butter and the one with the cruncy waffle inside)

watch x man 2. ouh mah gawd wolverine is so fucking hot .

it wasnt a fun outing cos i was toolazy to organise.. a fun one.

I think i'm partying with den on friday ..or saturday. so exiting. hahaha she's single now. i like her single. i think if we were single we'd have more fun. But that woman's keeping me good.

Willy asked if i could fuck off for the next five days.. in a more polite manner. His exact words were to ' leave him alone'. I think he grudgingly accept a compromise of a 15 minute chat . laughs. i have to be understanding right. SIGH. so i guess itsmore trips to the library( OH I'M A MEMBER OF THE NLB. LIKE FINALLY!). i have to immerse myself in more books. i cant purchse any new ones cos i made a pact withmyself to not spend a single dime this week..save for transport.

i dont think i even want to get anywhere near him this week. The stress and the lack of sleep breeds a cranky bitch. Fights are ugly and i think its best i avoid him too. I'm not used to him snapping at me. and i dont like being snapped at. so for his sake, our sake and my own temper's sake, i shud stay away frm him. how noble . how iressponsible.

yeah i'll be there for u. but you dont need me there.

i'm so proud of myself. i resisted the urge to spend today.

{ 5:31 AM }

Saturday, January 26, 2008
Same fears. same old fears. now they're coming in hoards. charging at me like wild cattle. So troubled.

Baby steps love baby steps. We'll take em down. one at a time. think positive. you can do it.

Girls are ' its'. have always beeen 'its' . you can either stop being an ' it' or have fun while you're at it. I dont care if you dont want me, i dont want you either. If u're using me , i'm using you too. If he's using you to forget about someone, use him to have a good time and an awesome meal. laughs. its not always in their favour. Nothing in this world is free. Stop falling for guys tt are nice to you. It doesnt mean anything. never did never will. stop reading so much into things, cos guys hardly ponder the subliminal messages of their actions. i'd tell you more but i dont want to be assuming. i'd tell it to your face if i wasnt afraid of making you feel worse. but i think you have to know.

Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
And I've completely lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you
Shouldn't let you conquer me completely
Now I can't let go of this dream

{ 8:32 AM }

Friday, January 25, 2008
whats with kids nowadays? taking cam whoring to a whole new level. From phone cams to digi cams to DSLRs to holgas and i dunno what else. i mean. Why are you willing to lug such a huge cam around when you go out with your friends , just to take nice pictures??? to show how cool you are? to show the world that u have so many fucking coool friends? i mean, i have a palm sized digital camera and i'm alr finding it such a hassle to bring it with me everyday. i cant imagine carrying a heavier larger camera. Not to mention the price. gosh.

rich fucks. i hate rich fucks tryna act emo. with their fifty dollar shirts and 70 dollar pants. i hate rich emo fucks. with their emo hair and piercings and tattoos and whatever body art. hanging out with party girls and stuff. i hate rich indie fucks. wearing the trendiest outfits. listening to disgusting indie music. yelling at ppl to STOP PUSHING at the side of mosh pits.

i watched THE MIST with boyfriend today. its a nice movie. minimal gore, but it invokes the worst feeling in me. i cried. i fucking cried. he was abit shocked. its like the green onion anime..i hate feeling that feeling..a mixture of haplessness and sadness and rage

{ 8:20 AM }

Tuesday, January 22, 2008
i cannot believe i just yelled i hate you and hung up. i dont think i've ever done that before. I dont think i'm wrong. i dont think what i did was mean . i dont think what i did was unjustified. i have been controlling for way too long.

what was i thinking. letting you trample all over me like that.

There's this small word. with a huge meaning. called d i g n i t y.
what kind of loser girlfriend would i be if i didnt?

{ 12:25 AM }

Monday, January 21, 2008


Dont you just feel like slapping me?
BITCH
if you didnt want me to know thn u really shud not have told me AT ALL.
gosh, what loser girlfriend wud i be if i didnt.
--
anws hais. no mood blog. bye

{ 6:45 AM }

Sunday, January 20, 2008
wow. last night ( 3am sunday) was eventful.

Willy made me angry.

I wanted to be alone cos i was feeling really fucked up. So i put down the phone. i figured given his "stress" level, he'd go crazy hanging on the other end of the line.

40 minutes later he began calling me frantically. ( sed he was afraid. )

I didnt pick up

moments later i called him back. and the conversation went something like this

" WHERE ARE YOU"

" huh. "

" WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU. YOU BETTER TELL ME NOW"

" err..in my bed?"

" DONT FUCKING LIE TO ME. WHERE ARE YOU"

?????

"what u tokking?? are u okay?"

" WHATEVER. WE'LLTALK IN THE MORNING"

He hung up

i text him : honey whats gg on. u're scaring me. lets talk it out now.
him: dont fucking lie to me ( something like tt)
me : . are u possessed? fine we'll talk in the morning
him: DONT THINK TT I'LL FORGET ABOUT THIS IN THE MORNING.

err like hello. u're the one whu wanted to talk in the morn. and you didnt answer me until i came all the way to ur room to shake you up. Until i was crying like shit . and u gave in to me. i wa so shocked la. like i was being convicted of a crime I DID NOT COMMIT. sorta funnie dont u think. at one point i laughed to myself. like convulsed in laughter.

His erratic behaviour cudnt come at a "better" time. It did distract me from my thoughts tho.

He heard noises in the bg he says. he heard me say oohps he says. i was fucking puzzled cos i really was in bed!!! and it wasnt until like later like evening, while sleeping when i had a eurika moment.


THE THING HE HEARD WAS MY VOICEMAIL. CHEEBYE.

{ 7:25 AM }

Saturday, January 19, 2008
Biatches! I just signed up for livejournal. Its so ugly.i dont like LJ. The only plus side to LJ is tt it has so much more privacy.but its so ugly!

I woke up feeling shitty and sleepy. Made my way down to his place with ugly hair. waited for him at the bus stop. falling asleep. I think i was so hungy my tummy made funnie noises. Just when i thought i could finally see my boyfriend, he called and apoligized cos he walked to the wrong side of the road. i laughed. thn rested my head on my hand and fell back asleep. or at least tried to.

The photoshoot thingy was so ..weird. I couldnt say i did my best because i was tired. I didnt look my best because i was tired. and he said not to put any make up. and he told me he didnt need my fabulous hair.

Seeing myself naked revealed countless imperfections. you could say no one's perfect. i didnt realise i was this..flawed. my legs. my breasts. my tummy. my asshole . my face. everything. ugly. ugly ugly. fucking ugly.

the model seduced the photographer. the photographer kissed her and had powder all over his mouth. so UNGLAM. In order not to ruin the moment, i had to subdue my laughter and get the powder off his lips. so i licked his lips. LAUGHS. it was good. we made out to my favourite song. how odd. I remember thinking to myself tht i'd be so fucking awesome if i ever got a chance to make out to sweet dreams. AND I DID I DID I DID I DID! TODAY! today today today. haw haw haw.

Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused by you

{ 8:20 AM }

Friday, January 18, 2008

Well. I fought with my mother yesterday. No. i didtn fight with her. she scolded me for walking home alone late at night. Thats not hte point. The point layed with the content of her scoldings. She called me a slut. she has always called me a slut. It makes me angry . We were walking back home , under the void deck. she yelled so loudly, i bet everyone could hear whatever she was rambling. I was walking in front of her. She said stuff like it didnt matter if i died, it'd just give her more trouble. She insisted that the main reason why i chose to walk home alone was tt i hoped someone wud fuck me. she said i had a dirty cunt. she said mean things. At one point i turned around, i had a slight urge to hurt her. But i kept on walking. I remained silent. Even as she continued shaming me as i showered. I was hurt. but numb to her words at the same time. I was so tired. tired of defending myself. No i'm not a slut, no i'm not. no its not what you think. no. you know what? fuck it. If the whole world thinnks i'm a loser good for nothing bimbotic whore thn so be it. I'm tired of deluding / defending myself.


Those who have never been verbally shamed cud never fully emphathise. I do not know how to explain the feeling. the words dont fully register, but you feel a heavy bulk inside you.


I felt so alone. I tried turning to him . but he got mad at me for feeling suicidal ( how could u ever) so he almost abandoned me cos he was feeling fucked up as well. At that point i couldnt really be bothered. i was already so.. immune to another prick. I should have left him alone. But i retorted and said waht i really wanted to say. How could he ever leave me alone ? when i needed him the most? and he called me selfish. isnt the pot calling the cattle black? He stayed.


But like whatever. you know? i thought ' whatever' . If he really wanted to fuck off and ignore me thn i wundt press and get down on my knees n beg him to stay. Im already in such a sorry state anyway.


I'd like to die. i'd really like to.


I think he's being unfair. I'm being nice and i think he's taking advantage of it. My mom invited him to our reunion dinner at some big fancy hotel and he got mad cos..i dont know. I think he was being unreasonable. and unappreciative. like if someone expecially ur girlfriend's mom invites u to a family dinner its like a BIG thing cos she is supposed to HATE YOU. and for you to simple quite arrogantly and promptly DISMISS the invitation withouth making an effort at a compromise is insulted. i felt offended. i felt fucking offended.


but i kept quiet. i don tknow why. i shud have lashed out at him. but i kept quiet. and hung up cos he wanted to hang up. Normally, i'd yell back. but i kept quiet. i wonder if he's enjoying his moment . i'm gunna lash out soon. i need to. make a stand. or something.



rarh.


sigh


i want that morphine.



Recently i've been dreaming about really gore stuff. and most of the time, i'm naked. and i felt so vulnerable. why did they gorge his eyes out. they ddint have to gorge his eyes out. cries. and they killed him. just because she wanted to see his eye.

I think i'm going crazy.

why are u looking at me . why are all of you staring at me? STOP IT. JUST STOP IT.

i thought i'd lose it in the train

{ 8:58 AM }

Wednesday, January 16, 2008
last night.. hmm. every since i've started to sleep at like 2 or 3 in the morning. i'vebeen quit cautious in using the term ' night' . does night extend into the wee hours of morning cos..the sky's still dark. But most ppl use night in the context of like..8 to 12 or something. -slaps-

i'm listening to snoop dogg. oh my

anyways, last night. I was having a class convo with t30, was talkin about guys. when i expressed a little inertia in approaching a guy, shane said something like ' whu cares. as long as you Hve fun" HAH. i cocked an imaginery brow. so girls can actually have fun huh. because the last time i checked, soceity slaps girls whu have fun with a WHORE tag. fuckers. the world is so fucked.

Willy and i almost fought lsat night. it was so funnie. He said i love you. i told him to shut up. jokingly. But he didnt get it. so he yelled Fuck you. i paused. wondered if he was actually mad. he was. thn i got mad cos he was mad. and he got mad cos he thought i was mad. laughs. so funnie. thn somehow he started laughing. i let it pass. and it was over just as quick as it had begun.

i'm guna be late.

{ 8:02 PM }

i'm growing phat i'm growing phat i'mm growing phat!!!!!!!!!!!! i snacked. omigosh can u believe it i snacked. CRACKERS somemore. =(

i'm so tired. i hope i can sleep early . ( its like 1230).

i think hana is the only person from my class tt i see so often.

'class' outing on friday. i hope it wont be cancelled. haha having dinner with them . and maybe something after that. If ppl are willing. drinking is fun. have not got drunk in a long time. actually, i dont think i shud get drunk in front of them.

Ms cherry. ha i like that. such an arcane and slutty pseudonym. i like.

i think my boobs are small

i like gold watches.

i want to buy a fucking expansive sweater and polo shirt.

i cant think anymore. bye

{ 8:23 AM }

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I dug out a few old Cds. i listened to TAUFIK ytd. papa roach today. They're actually not bad you know.


At the end of the day, i still like the my black eyes. they way i've adorned them up in nothing but heaps of black liner. I like black. Today was one of those black days. i dont know. i just felt comfortable in nothing but black.


I need you to make me feel special tonight. i'm gonna curl up in my bed,shut my eyes tight and pretend tt u're here. i need you to make me feel special tonight.

{ 8:25 AM }

Monday, January 14, 2008

sigh. why me? WHY ME?
am i special. should i feel flattered that YOU have given me this life full of so much dirt and shit because i'm that resilient. i'm that STRONG? do YOU seriously think i have the strength to overcome all these and sort everything out??????????
i wonder. i really wonder
why is life so smooth, like baby's backside for others , while mine is as rough as and filled with as many bumps as ***'s face.
well scusey me, sorry but i take it as a slight against my very existence. why must you make life so difficult for me :(

{ 6:50 AM }

Saturday, January 12, 2008
SO CUTE RIGHT.

I camped at willy's house last night. It was an ad hoc decision. A threadbare but valid reason/excuse nontheless- i didnt want to be alone. I didnt plan feeling that way. i just did. So i made a few calls and in the end, i had to go home anyway. just to write a stupid cheque. But that wasnt going to deter me frm spending the night alone. I still went home with him in the end. How stubborn. How driven. Right.


He makes me feeel so horribly unattractive sometimes.


Watched some gore anime that got me feeling unusually sad. I hated it. I hated how it represented human kind's worst behaviours. The selfish-ness, the hypocrite, the traitor, the accidental screw up, the all brawn but no brainer. I felt sick .


sleep was awesome. woke up to a kick in the eye.


My saturday was ruined by a call from my mom . For some weirdass reason, my presence at the arrival hall was mandatory. Even my father thought so. I trudged my ass there grudgingly. only to find out that we went all the way there for nothing. I hate home. i hated home then. I made my dad drop us off at marina square. didnt buy anything. spent 50 bucks on transport and food. bleargh


Willy and i were sitting by the steps. He sed that being with me feltlike 3 months..tho we're like one year plus into the r-ship. I confessed tt i didnt feel anything. like. i dont feel like we've been tog for long or short. I hate keeping track. i hate month-versaries. There was never an offical date to mark the beginning of our companionship or whatever. so the date doesnt hold any meaning. Despite tt, it just dawned on me tt YESTERDAY was our 1yr and 2nd month. hahaha i shud tell him later. Coincidentally enuff. we spent it together. i spent it lying in bed, under him on top of him, moaning groaning biting scratching.


i'm sorry. i didnt mean to make you barf.


yeah so anyways. Instead of fighting more. we've been fighting less. Perhaps we're sick of fighting. I admitted and he testified tt i've become more understanding. ( hurrah!) i love him just the same.
i'm still melting in your eyes. like my first time. that i caught fire. just stay with me lay with me. you can stay and watch me fall. and of course i'll ask for help. just stay with me now. we cud take our hats off stay in bed just make love thats all. just stay with me now.

{ 7:24 AM }

Friday, January 11, 2008

I bought 4D! nise and i were walking around joo chiat and we acc stumbled upon like a lottery shop. so we walked in and spent 2 bucks each . i look like i have small breasts here. sad.

Recently, my breasts seem to take a sudden dislike of their mentor, companion..supporter. I..just..dont..feel..like..wearing..a bra lately . rrr.

i'm upset with boyfriend cos he refused to shave. i slapped my head. which boyfriend in his right mind doesnt give his girlfriend sex. its the most puzzling wonder ever. stupid boyfriend.

irritated.



update :
i got him to shave. He wants me to say tt he gives the greatest sex ever. -.-lll wotev love. horny bastard.

{ 9:01 AM }

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I wanna be a h uge ro ckst ar

{ 6:25 PM }

I think i'm a hopeless butcher.
Everyone who knows me knows i dread the process of defrosting meat. cos it takes so damn LONG. Today, i had no choice because all the canned food had been eaten and the cooked food were rotten..so i HAD to defrost a frozen chicken. Thing is, after i overcomed my weirdass ideosyncracy, i had to chop the chicken. so get like the wings and the drumstick and stuff. BUT I WASNT ABLE TO CHOP THE DRUM OUT BECCAUSE..WELL BECAUE I DONT KNOW. i was wrestling with the dead chicken. and its flimsy neck. i was so irritated i started to slice its neck..up till the point i felt so..inhuman tt i just left its flimsy neck dangling at another pivot..generated by my own work. so in the end, all i had weere 2 small lil wings. that was all i cud get out of the stupid chicken. hah

slept like..alot.

My day was about to end on an uninteresting note when (thankfully) my neighbour jio-ed me to lepak under the void deck. coolios

dear's being a jerk. bye.

{ 8:58 AM }

Wednesday, January 09, 2008
I WENT OUT WITH MALAYSIAN EH P.R TODAY!

haha she's so funnie. I wish we could talk more. I think i talked too much. ok. the next time we go out. she'll do all the talking.

{ 7:33 AM }

Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Yin and Yang.

In the midst of convulsing with laughter, I suddenly became aware that i was gonna hit an emo period soon. I remember vividly what my step sis warned me when i was a kid. She told me tt when someone laughs too much, they will cry..like some time later. I was skeptical at first. But it turns out to be true. whether i want it to be true or not. I've been laughing like shit for the past weak. And each time i went " oh shit. my emo moment is gonna come".

i'm emo now. But not exactly letting flow the torrential rain as..expected.

I was feeling lonely..and annoyed.

I hate that my supposedly close "friends" ( specifically TWO) have not initiated an outing. You may be busy. But i think i know you enuff not to be bothered. rrrr.

I like hearing his voice.
sometimes i feel tt What i need from you is more than you can give. It saddens me tho it doesnt deter me from losening my grip. because no one else comes close. no one else.

you had to go and i was all alone again. You wudnt if i insisted but i let you go. even tho i wanted you to stay badly. badly.

work is draining. I dont like to see my parents argue. Unlike a house where my parents hardly talk , a car doesnt have anywhere to hide. I am compelled into listening to the unreasonable nags and my father's exasperated sighs and weak defences and that final hurting silence that speaks so much. it hurts. it makes me want to roll out and get squished by a truck. i dont like work.

I've completely nothing to do tmr. no work. just a driving practice tt ends slightly past ten in the morning. thn i'm free. with nothing to do. i guess i cud find someone to hang out with if i tried hard enuff but i dunno. maybe i shud just wander the streets alone. maybe thats what i need. because i need to get my arse to a bookstore or a library. and get some toiletries. maybe i'd even go grocery shopping..and invite like the air to have dinner with me.

worst of all..i'm afraid. that i'll do something stupid that i'll regret. because i'm at the emotional level tt screams for an escape.

oh no.

{ 8:16 AM }

Monday, January 07, 2008
Feeling...dissatisfied. unsettled. annoyed. hungry.
i hate you you'renot supposed to have this life.
i want your life.

{ 8:41 AM }

I just read his LJ lanjiaolanjiaolanjiao. hahaha just felt like typing tt. wow. baby's getting ambitious. You know what needs to be done and have it all planned out. as always. I just hope u're disciplined enuff to get it all done. I may be "smarter" than you but i've always thought tt you're more capable than me.


I might have figured why i find recklessness so attractive. I think its because i never got to experience such freedom. my whole childhood was so guarded. My childhood was fucked up and i barely had any fun at all. like..fun fun. so maybe i'm trying to live life vicariously now thru others.


But u've grown up. i'm all alone.


anyway i'm having a hard time teaching my mom how to use a computer. I get ticked off so easily. i think willy shud dothe job. i cant stand her. i just cant. she talks but she doesnt noe what she's talking. its like she had sudd beame retarded. and when she thiknks she's gotten the hold of it. she brushes me off like dust on her old coat. Thn she accosts me for aid once more. god i cannot stand the ego. i get so frustrated


clement apologized to me. YOU'RE THE SWEETEST GUY FRIEND EVER! i was so touched so so so so so so so so so so so so touched. and the mat actually said we're all close friends. laughs laughs. WOW!


gender inequality sucks. you touch me cos i let YOU do so.

{ 5:45 AM }

Saturday, January 05, 2008
I AM SO TIRED MY FEET IS KILLING ME

its 3.40am and i HAVE to jot this now. i hereby label clement as the coolest kid ever. he went CRAZY . totally crazy. it was so funny to watch. and khai as SICK moves. -stones for like 30 seconds- i think i'm tired. but i dont feel like sleeping because i have to jot this down!!! It wasnt fun like oooh i hooked up with someone fun but it was a ouh mah gawd i can do stupid things cos my friends are doing stupid things sorta fun. I think we're the coolest kids ever. It rocks you know? to have friends who are absolutely not self conscious. we just..didnt care. i didnt care. ahahah i feel stupid. like seriously. i think if i watched myself dance like towards the end of our stay there i wud kill myself. but i didnt care cos my friends were doing stupid things as well. and CLEMENT laughs laughs laughs. gee man. gee.

I screamed. i drank i smoked. even though i had a bad throat. =/ who cares, school's out. today's sunday. and it'll be even bettter if i can skip work. -throws party hat out-

ok inter jc pageant thing waas boring. i cudnt see much..but parker was like fuck hot. but i still prefer my boyfriend. He comes off as a little egoistic to me. hurr.

i called baby like after the thng. he sounded so horrible. i wonder whyy

and there was this couple in front of me. -gags- the guy looked horrible. He had this sick puffed up oily acne scarred face. AND YET he was with this gorgeous girl. she's pretty. i felt like telling her she cud do so much better. -shrug- like fuck stop kissing her in front of my face. its ..nauseating.

Hana had to leave early =(

i saw eric sor!

we had a fun time.

{ 11:40 AM }

you're concerned! you're actually concerned for me! Willy mumbles stuff in his sleep. i find it so amusing. I heard him say "keyboard" and "single player" and " SOMEONE'S NAME" and " how am i gg to go home later" and i heard him whimper . so WEIRD right.

i finished reading Kite Runner. Although the story is set in Afganistan. i think its a novel everyone can relate to. You can never run away frm ur problems/fears. Be it a week or a decade, you'll have to confront ur fear someday..one way or another..eventually. I cannot agree more. This thn begs the question about life..whats it about. I wonder if its just one big test. and thn i wonder if there's more tt awaits me after death. Although i believe that the supernatural exist, death to me was always like..switching off the television. ( the tele being the individual). -everything just goes blank. thats why i'm so obsessed with suicide sometimes. If life is a test , thn its one i'd choose to fail. If life is a game thn its one i want to quit. who cares what awaits me?

My nose is as wet as the weather. I used up half a rollof toilet paper. . and i'm still gg for the inter jc shit later. I was drreading it at first, cos i was dead set i was gg to die there. thn i found out the guys were gg. lightened my mood a little . at least i know its not gg to be boring. laughs.

Boyfriend was so horny . i love it. i love love love love love it. i love you.

{ 12:33 AM }

Thursday, January 03, 2008
i am so heartbroken, devastated, traumatized..beyond words. i feel like my whole world has crumbled. the sunshine is gone, replaced by dark menacing clouds..all because of THE GAY FUCKER. omg gay ppl are the bitchiest ppl on EARTH i tell u. HE KILLED MY HOT HAIR HE KILLED MY HOT HAIR. ITS GONE! i'm so heartbroken. my mood was fuct for the rest of the day. i dont feel like talking about it anymore.

GONE GONE GONE. ALL GONEEE

{ 4:53 AM }

Wednesday, January 02, 2008
I'm sitting in front of the lappy in my underwear. gosh it feels good. i finally understand why guys like sitting in their underwear. damn shiok. laughs.

i CANNOT believe i'm on the bottom of his list. but whatever~ like all resolutions. doubt it'll materialize. he noted tt only gary and him made a pact. so therefore i'm not coerced into quiting as i thought. HAHA. had my first puff today. laughs laughs.

sore throat =(

He text me to have supper with him at orchard , laying fully the conditions bent to my dis-favour. like how he cant ssend me home and he cant stay for long. so i thought. hmmm YOU want ME to travel all the way to town, to sit with you for like 30 mins. and thn drag my ass back home? laughs laughs. i continued thinking. If he were in my position, he deny my requent w/o a second thought. At least i gave a second thought. so i declined. weirdo. and the thing is. he's with his friends. weirdo. andyouputmeathtebottomofurlistofurfuckinglist.

I am frustrated with my "best" friend. didnt bother replying.

I am frustrated with my "friend".

rarh.

{ 5:41 AM }

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

hello 2008. NYE wasnt exactly the fun i expected. it was a laid back chilled breezy ouh mah gawd can we start drinking cos i feel like sleeping kinda thing. i love my boyfriend. there's no one i'd rather make out with than you love . i actually thnk we are in sync. (: i love you. i'm not ready to grow up yet. i'm not.


goodbye 2007. i'll miss getting lost with you.


time FLIES. the sun was rising before we know it. boyfriend was still drinking with shane and he reeked of alcohol.


He forced me to quit smoking.


I have no resolutions..


i feel like having an ice cream sundae. hurr.


i love my boyfriend. you know i cant live without you.

{ 4:25 AM }

Neversweet*

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be
Loves

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary
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