Blank
Saturday, November 29, 2008
I've got alot to say. All different things but i'll just string them altogether

I secretly still wish you love me. Even though it doesnt matter because love is not enough
I thot about that last night

I'm glad. Estatic. Elated actually. Screw you. And in his harsh bitter tone he spat : she deserved it. every fucking bit of it.

Just got home from momo's not so long ago. I was too tired/cdnt be bothered to wear my skinnies, so there we were, two idiots walking in public in boxers. But i was worse because i was so horribly mismatched. A pink spongebob boxers with a stripped sweater and a bagpack tht read Metal Mulisha. (hahaha wtF??)

Matthew you so weird.

OH and i didnt forget. I finally saw momo's doorless closet. shrug hey man. u ruined my image alr. laughs.

{ 12:20 PM }

omg what i tiring day. With less than three hours of sleep. i'm commend myself for walking thru orchard ( the entire stretch. there and back. one beeeeg looop). my leg fucking hurts. crashed momo's place all ready for a sleepover. bought slippers, a bag, had my sweater, two sets of tops which i just bought as well . AHAHHAA imma happy girl. loves retail therapy.

{ 8:08 AM }

I lost a friend
Friday, November 28, 2008
This time its different. This time, i kicked you out :D

anyways. HAHHA YAY YAY YAY EXAMS END TMR. PLANS PLANS PLANS PLANS ARE ALL FLOODING IN. YAYYYYYYYYYY MHUAHAHAHAHA

OKAY I NEED A JOB. SHORT HOURS HIGH PAY. NOTHING TOO SLEAZY. HIT ME.

{ 4:07 AM }

Thursday, November 27, 2008
My ex boyfriend just serenade to me on the phone. laughs. He surprised me by asking if it was nice. I forced myself to say yes. but im guessin he didnt catch it. laughs! fat lesbian likes him. i knew it! See girls have this innate..instinct. Or u can call it "woman's instuition" (inside joke, if u still rmb) LOL. I KNEW IT!

ok back to south asian.

{ 8:27 AM }

STAY AT HOME LA FUCK
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
OMG DO U NOE HOW EXCRUCIATING IT IS. TO SAY NO. STOP ASKING ME OUT I CANNOT GO OUT UNTIL THIS SATURDAY AFTER THAT I CAN GO OUT EVERY DAY. STOP IT STOP TORTURING ME! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

{ 5:04 AM }

Disposable
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I need to have more awesome workout sessions. I need those endorphines. One of the few things that lifts my spirits now. I've got so much planned out for post exams i can hardly wait. I don't need reality right now. I need some optimism and childish fun in my life. I need to run around drunk screaming and laughing thn fall flat on my back and gurgle and suffocate and drown in my tears.

I need distraction. From problems at home.

{ 11:16 AM }

No air
Monday, November 24, 2008
Last night's duration between hitting the bed and actually falling asleep was torturous. simply torturous. It must have taken me 2 hours at least before fatigue overwhelmed me. I couldnt stop thinking and i had to try so hard to push them out of my head.

dozed off at arnd seven in the evening just now . i had intended to rest for a while but .. i dozed off..and woke two and a half hours later. felt horrible. was all grumpy and moody. still am. now i'm just jaded. j a d e ddddd

{ 7:24 AM }

Sunday, November 23, 2008
Screams. i hate this. i HATE this.
i'm a mess. hais.

{ 5:21 AM }

In loving memory
Saturday, November 22, 2008
You said yourself before
Where are you
Face down on the floor
I bet you never knew.
Now everything, is gonna break again.
If you just began, why did you have to end

These are the words you'll never hear.
End.

{ 7:27 AM }

Friday, November 21, 2008
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. exams start tmr. one step closer to FREEDOM! ( im sayin this as if it were some major exam or something. in a way it is but i'm hardly acting like it is.) i cant wait i cant wait i cant wait for the 29th. Though i hate south asian to the very core i'm prepared to have coffee shots and minimal sleep. All the way

oh and cher, self control please you stupid dimwit.

{ 12:25 AM }

what now?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Slept at 7am ytd morning, sleeping at 6 this morning. I feel as though i can go on but i guess i ought to sleep. I'm getting everything together, just need a few more tweaks..one tweak at a time. chill relax and focus.

haha the nat anthem just came on. golly

{ 1:56 PM }

Tuesday, November 18, 2008
After watching like seven Eps of 90210 ( whimsical craze) and half doing philo test questions, something hit me. I cant remember the last time i ever wished a guy dead. okay stupid hyperbole. I do. like what..when i was fourteen? 5 years on, oh my god i think i actually hate you and sincerely wish some misfortune would befall on you. Gasp! i'm just as surprised as you.

{ 10:28 AM }

started bl e e ding
Monday, November 17, 2008
Something should just fall on me and crush me. Like now. i hate my skin i hate myself i dislike everything about me. i have no drive. exams are next week and i've got so much to do and no mother fucking drive cos every fucking thing keeps going wrong and i cant do anything and they cant help and i cant tell them anything.


Recently, i noticed an odd uncanny errie pattern. What i did to him , she did to you, you did to me. What you did to me, she did to you. Hence by means of deduction, what you're doing to me, someone is going to do it to you? laughs. Don't be too surprised when it happens. Karma bites biatch

{ 12:04 AM }

Sunday, November 16, 2008
Be strong okay.

{ 7:07 AM }

i'm feeling all superhuman you did that to me
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I feel happy. i dont know why. I feel euphoric. Maybe its cos i finally figured out what i want. anyway went on an outing that took almost a decade in the making. HAHA. omg its been so fucken long we forgot how tarded we were.

{ 10:55 AM }

You know what? fuggit. I'm going to stop wasting my time.

{ 3:24 AM }

i miss the lips that made me fly
Friday, November 14, 2008
Hais why did u just do that.
you. need . to . get . out . and . have . fun . I can. i mean i get get out but i dont know if i'll have fun. another wasted night, left feeling worse than before? i might not want to take another risk. safety. i'm all about safety now. no risks. I cant take another blow.

{ 10:25 PM }

I fucked up

Today was major pain day. I headed over to nise's for a good (painful) workout. I didnt die, which was a pleasant surprise. Then i went over to honeypot in the evening ( "ow"). Then i went to get inked. I had planned to do it tmr but since there was nb there, i decided to just go for it. two and a half hours just lying there. an lying somewhere else only moments before. oh god. I was alr itching to walk arnd before it was done. anyways, it wasnt that boring. had a good laugh. like srsly. At least, i'm not the one with the weirdest tat. LAUGHS!

" But she's so pretty, you shud just leave her that way"
familar much? But she couldnt, and she isnt. she fucked herself up . or I fucked her up. I did. I did.

okay, anyways. Feeling distraught i made nise burn her book. But we gave up halfway because the thing just took too damn long. Away to the bin it was in the end. haha. Bumped into razi at scape. no surprise there. But we were at skate park, when this guy walked past and i found his face oddly familar so i decided to try my luck and sure enuff it was david (zomg). what an odd place to meet.

I think its time to stop regretting and reminiscing and missing.

I stood in the rain today. how depressing. but at least i had someone there beside me. touched much.

whatever. i'm hungry. look on the brightside cher, look on the mf sunny side.

i
am
superwomen
as i am
as she is

=(

{ 9:30 AM }

Thursday, November 13, 2008
Tali and i both have no purpose in life. we are such losers.

{ 9:49 AM }

missing you

{ 12:47 AM }

Grasping air
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Saddest day ever. Questioning existance. As i walked to the bus stop i prayed /wished for something, ANYTHING to just fall on me and squish me dead, even though i was walking under the shelter. On the bus i hoped for an unlikely misfortune. vapid. vapid. so mother fucking vapid. I have no purpose in life. what am i here for. i have no purpose in life except to ruin it pleasurably. But circumstances seems to put restraint on decadence. am coerced into doing what everyone does which is just so goddamn boring. I wish i coughed myself dead. RARH. turn off the teevee.

I dont know what i'm feeling. Like i cant feel . I cant fully grasp the weight of the situation. I cant feel. disconnected and estranged. ARHADSJFHAIWUEHRIUAWEJDNF

I think i shall go for a manicure tmr. just to make myself happy.

I'm a little irritated . Actually VERY irritated. Just because someONE ( note ONE) walks around the deck and spots kids dressed skimpily doesnt make the arts fac a whore fest. I mean talk about over generalization, jumping to conclusions and a severe lack of appreciation for reliability. Whats with the whole issue of a slut parade anyway. If the weather's hot, people fucking dress less. I hardly even go school wearing a T-shirt anymore. I cant even rmb the lats time i wore a shirt!! yeh art's a whorefest okay. go fuck yourselves lah. narrow minded IRRATIONAL conservatives. argh. and the media ought to fucking take their cams and shit to science and write a story on how dorky everyone is. wouldnt that make a good story. why not? Just like skimpiness, it is something to abhor. isnt it? straight square fugly oxygen thieves FUCK YOU CONSERVATIVES I HATE YOU.

HELLO EVERYONE I'M A XENOPHOBE AND FUCKING PROUD OF IT.

{ 6:43 AM }

Impending
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Its coming..i can feel it. its getting harder to breathe again. my days will get longer and more draggy again. sigh.

{ 7:21 AM }

Monday, November 10, 2008
you can make me cry. just like that.

Let me save us
I've slaughtered us
I've murdered our love
I can taste it, this blood in my mouth
This knife in my lungs
I have murdered our love.

laugh myself to tears. must have stabbed him fifty fucking times.

{ 10:16 PM }

I think i'm tired. Tired of all the drama and the negativity. You hate me to your guts and there's nothing i can do about it even though i want to do something about it. because whats the point in trying when you and i both know it wont help. so i'm not going to do anything, not even going to try. cuz i'm a disgusting piece of trash. noted.

just..leave me alone. everything. all that drama. and decadence. Give me my happy drink, my smoke. That'll be enough. But give me you and i'll feel a million times better. yes. realleh. But today i learnt not to pull you down with me. Because thats the one mistake i always make. Dont really know what we are now and i am probably too tired to give a fuck. Either way i am not going to drag you down. Enter on your own discretion. Cheryl the pit stop.

I'm losing touch with all my friends. This sucks.

{ 8:21 AM }

Sunday, November 09, 2008
Im not alone i'm not alone i'm so glad i'm not alone im so glad u werent asleep. when everyone turned their backs against me u were there.

{ 11:13 AM }

i..dnt thnk u have a right to be mad at me. afterall, u're guilty of the same charge. you ought to have said i fucking hate you to yourself first before u said that to me.

see i told you. at the end of the day, u're still left with no one but yourself. Tonight will be a long night.

{ 8:31 AM }

Best believe i'm c r azy
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF LAST NIGHT. I REALLY REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF IT. THE IRONIC DICHOTOMY BETWEEN THE BODY AND THE HEART. THE PARADOX BETWEEN WHAT IS WHAT WHAT ONE IS FEELING.

I am losing control and i need sb to stop me. You chide at what i'm doing but you still treated me like them others, you still treated me like the others, you still treated me like the others. Its almost a little.. shocking. unbelievable. But it happened and i dunno what to make of it. Not that i have to. Not that i have to spend days mulling over it thinking if it meant something. I'm just a little/extremely disappointed. But But But when i wear it i feel safe. I false sense of security. Thanks anyways. whatever.

Restraint.

{ 3:22 AM }

Or maybe i'm just too jaded now
Friday, November 07, 2008
Don't say you care I know you don't and I won't leave I'll try and pretend .cause baby you're just what I need and as the night grows cold well hold me tight, don't let me go .dry your eyes, stay calm ..but we never made it. like a bad dream I can't get out and I can't take another second without you here

omgomgomgomgomg ELE U ARE SO FUNNIEEEEE!! hahahaha shitz. coughing and laughing. omggggg. hahahahha fuck.

{ 5:11 AM }

Thursday, November 06, 2008
All this time is wasted pretending we're in love
But that's alright cause you know
I love being with you and seeing you cry

{ 7:47 AM }

A kiss is not a contract
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Rmb that time i asked how many heartbreaks i could take in a row? apparently three, or two. Was it even a heartbreak. I wonder. I dont think so. we both knew it was gonna end sooner or later, and i knew for a fact that we were not gonna last. C'mon who was i kidding. What upset me most was the fact that shit happened to me (again). I was more upset over the fact, than over the entire ..thing. A pity. A waste. He asked if i wanted to talk. There's nothing to talk about. Would the things i say get into ur numb skull anyway. lol. i'm not insulting the nlbf here but srsly, i doubt you capable to understanding any feelings other than those synonymous with sex at all. It doesnt matter what i say because they will sound alien to you and you wont give a fuck. so lets just leave that as that. I'm not fucked up sad mad angry angsty.

The ex boyfriend called me an easy bitch last night. He said that i didnt care about the people around me. I almost laughed. what, am i supposed to live for the people around me? am i suppose to live for you? for my friends? What do they owe me? Why should i? why should i live my life in accordance to ur myopic frame of mind. Something so trivial unleashed some insane part of you, calling me easy, which had no link to what i told u at all. Just because i kissed him..im easy? laughs. conservative? how about ultra conservative. and right, you're the best arent u. you CARE about the people around u, not like me. YOU live ur live properly, not like me yeh. so i ought to be like u and the others because...? because sheer numbers dictate what is right or wrong? just because 10 ppl think fucking is bad, fucking is bad? hardly. ur poison words struck a chord and it made me cry. you hurt me. You dont think about other ppl's feelings. ha. how about that. illogical right? just like your fallacious accusation. you look down on me , spit at me, and refuse to give me a chance to change. how righteous and superior are u? when you conform to your sad sorry life, living like one of them vapid adults. yeah, revel in that. revel is your mundane boring life. your mundane horrible boring clothes. you're soooo much better off than me. the easy bitch. arrogance. A universally deplorable trait that you possess. shallow. you're no more better off than me. arrogance and obstinance. what you think is always right. the primordial ego. fuck u. fuck your ego. lousy sob. How does that feel. I hope it stung as much as your words stung me. Believe in me. Believe that i can change. But no. your stupid arrogance.putting me down. you bitch abt ppl who chide at your weird ass theories. u're no different from them. no fucking different. but anyhow, u're still a guy. as if what i said will get into ur numb skull. you dont understand at all

and you. By the way your hands were shaking rather waste some time with you, every second im without you i'm a mess. literally. you saw what happened. enuff of your guitar, play the piano for me next time . (: Like what i said when i first met you. You're really nice. stop being so sad all the time ( har look at me). har. look at us. two sad sorry fools. who's guna leave first?

I dont know you guys a mother fucking thing. you guys never did good anyway.

I wanna change. I wanna be good. I want to stop fucking things up. i just dont know whats right anymore. Everyone of you have given up on me.

{ 7:00 AM }

In twelve hours..
Monday, November 03, 2008
Thank god i found u.

Of smokes, long walks, swings , cartwheels about a burning fire, trying to escape the fate, guitar and tlc. Thanks for making so god dman sure, and for nt letting me go. odd? i dont really care, cant be bothered. i have more pressing issues to deal with than mere numbers.

Buy a bag. and get over it.

{ 10:03 PM }

Breathe for me
I dont know how long i can live in perpetual apprehension. I dont like uncertainty. i like to be sure of things. i'd like to know , how thigns will vageuly turn out, the least.

" you look tired"
" yeah i slept at three"
" oh what were you doing?"
" i wish i could tell i was up studying"

like srsly.

{ 1:31 AM }

Saturday, November 01, 2008
I'll be your a.n.g.e.l. you'll never hurt again

Went shopping with the Ex-Boyfriend. He changed so much! burst out laughing when i saw him, and continued to do so for the next few minutes. He changed so much. Dunno if i ought to laugh or cry. anyways, the poseur vegan ex boyfie and i had cheap dinner shopped a little before lepaking at skatepark. Thn we had to pee, thn he wanted to shop somemore, and so we did. Bought a cute pair of heels. and some snacks. yum yum. Since we had nth else to do aft that, i suggested gg to the suicide bridge dar told me about. and so we went! omg the feeling was exhilarating!! I guess you'd call it fear. when u're peering down at the cars knowing u're in full ctrl of ur life , which can slip by so easily. just one push. one small lil push and u be dead. But it didnt take long before we had our legs dangling at the edge. I even attempted to walk . i think that made his balls drop quite abit. but not as much as when i threatened to drop his dear phone. haha.

A couple came and went. And after they went the seemingly adult ex boyfriend i guess is still just as tarded. We were singing our hearts out. It was fun. :/

I guess this is it.

a.n.g.e.l. you'll never hurt again.

{ 12:49 PM }


I CANNOT STAND THIS I NEED TO POST THIS PHOTOH BECAUSE I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT. I CANNOT BELIEVE I SAW LKY JR IN ZOUK! WITH BEER!! HE EVEN WENT TO GET A GARLAND OF ORCHIDS.! HHAHAHAHAHA okay it just occured to me tt i have no idea what our nat flower is.

{ 12:38 AM }

Neversweet*

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be
Loves

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary
Dont look back

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