LoVe

i love my imperfections.
i love my minah brows and my short legs and my horrible tantrums
and my low tolerance level.
i love how u dislike me because i'm not like you
i love how i pull off looking like a complete freak
i love my horrible family ( including my horrible father)
i love my over protective mother
i love my shitty life

I seriously dont know how i'm gg to wake up tmr. i'm dead beat yet i refuse to hit the sack. tmr will be a hectic day. so not looking forward to it.

got really cranky in the evening. I dont even noe what spurred it..maybe i was just tired. But i got really cranky and i started faulting everything in my sight. sorry.

ps : i still think those boots look like shit
{ 7:21 AM }

LoVe

i love my imperfections.
i love my minah brows and my short legs and my horrible tantrums
and my low tolerance level.
i love how u dislike me because i'm not like you
i love how i pull off looking like a complete freak
i love my horrible family ( including my horrible father)
i love my over protective mother
i love my shitty life

I seriously dont know how i'm gg to wake up tmr. i'm dead beat yet i refuse to hit the sack. tmr will be a hectic day. so not looking forward to it.

got really cranky in the evening. I dont even noe what spurred it..maybe i was just tired. But i got really cranky and i started faulting everything in my sight. sorry.

ps : i still think those boots look like shit
{ 7:21 AM }

shit i need to stop having midnight snacks. Been having irregular meals.. had onli one proper meal today.

Time flies when he's around. i dont like it :(

Went to vivo to pick up some stuff with him. i felt like spurging so i did. retail therapy. silently raging. Disappointingly, all i bot was a top from f21 and a cute sb from nike. gahhhh. cundt find any nicer pretttier thingsss. oh. fox and topshop sell the same knitted sweater. gosh.

i hate myself sometimes, cos i think a part of me has fallen victim to the insideous , odious and virulent ... VICE AH. mental block.

i dont want lightbulbs. i want nice pretty things

mmf..jelly jelly. oh so jelly. nice.
{ 8:36 AM }

After a month or so of complete utter bumming, im inured to the vapid and insipid lifestyle of a vegetable. I'm not complaining. I dont have a problem sleeping late and waking late. It makes the day shorter..which is a merit to a bum because i have less time to kill. :D it makes stoning much easier see.

Nise came over ytd and we gymed and swimmed in the freezing pool and had an awesome steam bath. i love steam baths. -chuckles- I was supposed to head down to her place for another awesome work out but us, being us, we made an unanimous decision to discard whatever healthy lifestyle plan we had.

People are beginning to hit the books. i think i should too. I need to start sleeping early.
{ 11:11 PM }

The only thing that i could love
In this dying world.
All the drugs in this world
Wont save her from herself.

{ 8:56 AM }

I'm sitting in front of the screen, eating rice mashed with eggs and meat. Its bland and disgusting. but there's nth else worthy of eating in the fridge. sucks. i have not had a decent family meal for like 2 weeks i think. sucks. i miss my mom's cooking. but there's nth to cook. Gagh.

im gonna skip tuition to watch some stupid chior perf that i stupidly agreed to go. thats my onli plan for the day and it sucks. i have nowhere and nothing to do after that. so bascially i'm gg out for nothing. I dont think nise can stay later so i cant do anything stupid with her. boo.

bummed into viv ytd. found out a whole load of fucking interesting shit that uberly made my day. -laughs- fucker.

i tried to change. i really did. i guess i'm the same old shit that i was before. i hate it.
{ 7:21 PM }

My eyelids feel horribly heavy.

mom : so did u enjoy ur chalet?
me: loved it

HUR.

s0 many ppl were absent. Like biscuit and sam and..i dunno. It was like a mini gathering for a fucking small portion of class. sad. Vanx went for the first night WOOOHOO? i hadnt seen her for almost a year and i'm glad we kinda caught up. i wud love to hang with her more but everyone knows she's virtuallly uncontactable. like den. haha

I just read my cuz's blog, his entry hinged on the idea tt he's pathetic (not). Come to think of it, my life is not any better. I am an utter failure in my mother's eyes ( if she ever knew who i really was) . In the trad chinese family context, i suck cos my studies are quite..shitty. I never did care much about the whole comparison shit. Sucked alot at first because she kept nagging at me. but i grew tired of it and resigned to whatever she said. Cant be bothered~

But everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. I'm quite happy with my life . Even though my parents get on my nerves , even tho my family life is beyong horrid. maybe cos i've got him in my life. -silly grin- Its not that he makes everything alright. Its how everytime we're tgt , i walk out of the rotting decrepit world i reside in , into a bed of prancing ponies and pink clouds and marshmellows ( profoundly exaggerated). And after he leaves, i walk back into hell, content to die happy.

omgdidijusttypeallthatout. lolol
{ 9:53 PM }

I went out with a turbanator last night. We had fun. We were hiding in the trees watching black figures do something tt looked like the reverse process of binarty fission. -laughs- hahahahhaha what a stupid analogy. i hope u get my meaning.

I went to bed feeling more than a little shitty. But fatigue reigned so i fell alseep quite easily.

The butterflies in my tumtum.. the sick fluttering of their wings turning my innards inside out. I bite my lip, I can feel the bugs gnaw at the walls of my stomach. hurts. i cringe. - wait. maybe its just constipation. hahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahaha

{ 7:25 PM }

So setting up the wireless thingy isnt so..difficult afterall. :D updates updates!

Crashed nick's place on sunday for the noisiest game of mahjiong ever. very fun! considering how i won them flat. -ahem- hahaha Despite tt, it was still very fun.

Been busy packing..and moving..and packing..and moving..and stoning..and outingwithblackieing..

everything is all over the place i dont know what is where. there's not much food at home ( onli 3 stuff in the fridge) there was no oil no sugar no salt no nothing..the water tastes so funnie tt i rather lose 50 cents on bottled water. on the other hand, the scenery is great and yeah..i think thats it.



sigh. what do u want from me
{ 7:04 AM }

{ 2:48 AM }

I can feel my eyes burning-a stinging sensation at the back of my eyes. yawn.

Laughing is not a recognised abs toning exersize. But you wouldnt know it from the vigor which i did it at Carls Jr. Particularly when we touched on the subject about..shitting w.o toilet paper. man that was a killer. the burgers there are actually nice! on the down side , they're too huge for my liking. i might (Always) share it with someone if i intend to eat there.

We were walking away from Suntect where i spotted this total bomshell-not headturnder. I didnt look at her face because her top was screaming lookatme. she even managed to steal the gaze ( for more than a minute) of 2 men. so much so tt what she wore had them talking about it even after she was more thn 20 m away. -laughs-

Hung out at esp a while before leaving for home. i wish i cud have stayed there longer. Ostensibly to admire the scenery and enjoy the cool breeze. heh. my mood was dampened with some shitty memories but its not anything worth hoohaa-ing about cos ...err...it happens often? -shrug-

Thanks so that dashing cadbury who dished out that flattery comment my ego has blown up to the size of a full functioning male. On closer analysis however, i think i'm lucky to have him. okay lets make this fair. we're lucky to have each other. -laughs- but i think i suck because i see an end to all of this. I know its wrong to harbour such thoughts..thn again thats being realistic..isnt it? it sucks because it makes me feel sucky because everything is right when he's around and because i hate this stupid feeling because its pulling me down when i'm suppose to be ..really happy.
{ 7:54 AM }

i'm getting increasingly frustrated with blogger because i cant seem to upload the pictures i want. I cannot stand R&B with the disgusting pain-to-the-ear vocal gymnastics. I felt like smashing the radio last night because all tt was on was black music and mcfly (UGH). I was so put of and repulsed tt i switched it off.

My room is an awful sight. With stuff littered here and there, and boxes lying everywhere else. I cant wait to move. BUt the new room wud be horrible small - i fear phantom claustrophobia. I dont know how we're gonna move all the stuff there but i sure as hell want all my stuff there. Oh btw, i have no clue wehre all my holiday hw ( cant even rmb which) are at. GAHHH RRARRGHHHHHHHHH


{ 8:34 PM }

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy
To to save your from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now- here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentlemen
Like you imagined when you were young
{ 8:34 AM }

Having ur blister made more ..blistered is such an orgasmic experience. The feeling is beyong my linguistic ability to covey. -shudders-

Den is like a whirlwind. she comes and fast as she goes. Time pasts so fast and before i know it, she has to go. ( so did i, and mel actually) BOO. i shud ask her out more often.

I was slightly frustrated last night, curt to my aching legs. The stupid long que at ney york, the stupid long wait for the stupid meal, the stupid . i dont know. i felt like screaming. Just felt so bottled up and choked up. But i think i did a pretty good job at suppressing it ( maybe thats why i feel bottle up) ok whatever. sigh.

I hope it rains today , like yesterday.

I want a new hoodie. A comfy thick comfy one. I want alot of things.

I've got 3hrs to waste and i dont know how to spend it. i'm so used to being alone tt i'm beginning to see it as a norm.
{ 8:26 PM }

Whats so good about growing up? Its just this phase we all go thru in this process called Life/Death . I hate it..yet i cannot ignore the palpable signs of growing up. Its virulent effects are beginning to rub off on me. -Ew. Whats there to look forward to anyways. Being an adult means being embroiled in a more intricate degree of disputes, family fueds. Age takes the life ( and the morality along with it) away from one [ yes i am being skeptical ] It makes one more short tempered and unreasonable. * As witnessed by moi* Once again, i witnessed yet another incident tt supports my theory. This man accused some teh tarik man for corruption just because he made an error in change on his part. sillys~ Then there were 2 fights, involving sordid dealings with bookies and what not. He started saying shitty gibberish like " i'm a civil servant dont mess with me " or something. -rolls eyes-
{ 7:33 AM }

People who know me should know that i hate adults. with their stupid stuck up Dont-talk-to-me-like-that-you're-just-a-kid attitude, thinking they have the right to repremand and chide at kids just because they are adults. -snorts- as if. I got my revenge today..mhuahahaha for that fucker bus driver who yelled at me, for that fucker guy who scolded me for seemingly cutting his imaginary que. I GOT MY REVENGE on 2 quite innocent old ladies. hmpf

so Flushed Away wasnt as...ok it was as stupid as i anticipated. I didnt like Ruddy/Roddy one bit. he reminds me of a fag. I did appreciate the grotesque thick lipped slugs tho! hahaa love their lips.
{ 6:10 AM }

Its getting harder and harder to control. Like when all the chum gathers in the middle of your throat, and u can choke once or twice , thn it just bursts out. - verbal vomit. I dont know how long i can keep this and lately i've been feeling this stupid sick urge to let it out. prolly just kill everything.

i'm not ready to lose u..yet
{ 5:34 AM }

Mmf..Esplanaduu just sets ppl in the emo mood dont it. The wind, the sea, the sloppy bumber boats..the horribly littered river water..the cute schools of fish. Hur. I would have loved to stay a little bit longer..if not for the scorching sun and the burning stone seats. nise amused at how our classmates could sit there for so long. I told her tt i'd sue em if i ever grew pimples in my arse.

Bumped into ben on my way home. what a pleasant surprise! Its like when u're tired and zoning out and suddenly out pops a familar face amongst the crowd of unknown stragers. its quite..a pleasant surprise! ha, maybe thats how mel feels each time i bump into her at the interchange. =D . wait let me add more of those =D =D =D =D =D
{ 7:14 AM }

A tai tai in training. Been Mj-ing my mid afternoons away for the past 2 days. I cant say with absolute conviction that my skills have inproved but its sure a great time filler. After which i'd go up to my room and take a nice long nap. Gee. I wish everyday ..actually no. Would be horribly lackluster.

I wanna live my life as simplistic as possible. Take away the intricate webs of family politics, relationships, third party whatsoevers. Though they are one of the many spices of life, they're the virulent ones that give ulcers. so i'll pass thank you.

I will not make the same mistake again. IF ever i get the chance to.

blah blah blah blah.
{ 5:38 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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