HI I AM SPENDING NEW YEARS EVE WITH MY PARENTS AND I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT. In fact, it was I who made plans with them. I dont know..maybe i shud've just lied to them and hang out with him instead (that'd be awesome) But i rarely see my parents around. I dont think i see them for more than 3 hrs a day since..i started gg out with him. hah. So ya, i'm making it up for sacrificing a wild new year's eve for a nice quiet one with my parents.

you're just too good to be true
cant take my eyes hands off you
you're just like heaven to touch
I wanna **** you so much

{ 8:14 AM }

I cancelled my study plans with him because he overslept. The crux of my anger didnt lay in the extra 15 minutes wait, it resided in the fucktarded fact tt he overslept. stupid pig. Wasnt the first time n e ways. On the surface it may seem as though i'm being nothing short of petulent but look deeper and u'll find a girl who's sick and tired of hearing the same excuse. Granted i admit tt punctuality is my pet peeve but its not as if i didnt /hadn't let it pass before. This was the last straw. Pity it was over such a 'trivial' matter. It was either that or a tit (heheh TITTIES) for a tat. I'd come up with an extremely plausible yet aggrevating excuse which warrants reckless behaviour with impunity. hows that.

mmff made an ad hoc trip to town with mark instead. Bought myself a nice cap. Got myself a nice bottle of absolute.

Met him at my place after that. Hung out for a while before going home. At the end of the day, i still love him. SIGH! yawn i'm sucha loser.
{ 7:34 AM }

lol he looks like tt guy from Gorillaz.

Glowing tits!!

I was eating leftovers of a log cake, in the laziest of all manners - with the cake knife . I didnt even bother to put the slice of cake on a plate. thn i got bored. It was fun. Running around the hse like little kids.

mwuah

{ 12:51 AM }

Its 3 in the morn and i feel like killing someone. No particular reason*

It ticks me off when people, esp my friends keep some stupid useless infomation from me( that doesnt even concern me) just because of some stupid promise. Even more when what they're holding back affects me. And the onli barrier that prevents me frm being privy of the info is some stupid promise. I dont get it. If u have already spilled half of the beans in the can, you might as well pour everything out. damage done n e ways. Besides, no one's secret is safe with anyone. If u want ur stupid secret to be kept a secret, keep it to yourself. This is what i have experienced and have come to believe. People are always talking and there will always be slips. And of course, what i say is purely circumstantial.

I remeber back in e6, everyone will be talking behind each others backs. sometimes even concurrently. I rmb i was quite amused by that sudden realization. seedy.

orchard on xmas eve. I took a picture with a man with glowing tits. LoL.
{ 11:13 AM }

Rarh. But nevermind.

Just got off the phone with mark..i told him ihad to blog. Now that i can finally pen downmy thoughts in peace..there are none.

how about... i feel like shit i feel like shit i feel like shit i feeel like shit i feel like shit. GAH.

{ 8:30 AM }

Guilty pangs. suffering from horrible guilty pangs. He was sweet enuff to miss a day's sleep ( you hardly sleep anyways) to travel an ass long journy to my place in the morning only to end up waiting three grueling hours. The first hour was my fault because i overslept. The next 2 could be attributed to my mother. That women stuck on to me like a leech because she suspective ( with a 100 precent accuracy) that i was going out with the boyfriend. But i stuck on to my lie tt i was hanging out at my friend's place instead. And so began the 2 hour detour, of getting her off my back. the lies the panic and the exhausting efffort of maintaining a calm and collected demeanor. I felt like shit the whole time because i know how it feels to wait ( it sucks). and If i were him i wud have been fuct pissed and inexorably DAS ( were u?). I felt like flying to whre he was the whole time, but i was determined to execute my plan. no matter what. haha i felt like a fucking spy.

We hung out in the end.. and we had fun. whee

Happy Ending.

i'm fuck tired and i need to sleep.
{ 7:20 AM }

maybe i'm just blind

{ 9:50 AM }

i am very tired. ( understatement) i made the wrong choice of having my dinner 10 mins ago , cos now i hafta stone a while before i can actually sleep. because i cant sleep after i eat ( its not me). I bought a belt cos my pants was dropping (understatement). Hotstuff isnt so hot afterall. My boyfriend is gay. (understatement). I smelled reeked of smoke. i am tired. I need to drag myself (hopefully) for training tmr. my boyfriend is gay. my boyfriend is gay my boyfriend is gay

hi thanks for that gayass puffy cat key chain thing. i love it. LOL
{ 6:50 AM }

This is what happened over dinner. I was chatting with mel when my muse decided to drop by. A sudden burst of inspiration. One cud call it the product of an idle mind. the red chillies represent pimples. ( was i thinking of YOU? hmmmmm LOL). the bean sprouts are the brows. and the black's the liner.




We studied..really. i love her french braid. i wish i cud do it myself. HALLO I LOVE YOU .(:(:(:

{ 8:36 AM }

I woke up at 7 this morning even tho i ..didnt have any school based activities on. I headed to nise's hse to get my chem hw thn proceeded to his house..erm ostensibly to do my hw. Not that i didnt. If not for him, i wud have just slept the day away or something. bleah

he made a part of me cry :(

we told each other things tt both of us shud bloody hell have known in the past. if we did thn things wud have gone so much differently. I was/still am angry and hurt but i tell myself to put it all behind. at least try to.
{ 7:08 AM }

I woke up today and i feel like shit. Actually, i went to bed last night feel worse than shit. That exact same feeling hung over me till dawn. I cried myself to sleep last night and woke up crying this morning. I think i drank too much water.

Its like an uncontrolable wave of emotion that overwhelms me. and in that period i lose control of my faculties . I didnt really know (not really..) what i was mulling over, i didnt now what the tears were for. All i felt was the taunting insecurity of being alone tt hung densely in the air. asphyxiated. rarrhh.


{ 7:54 PM }

At around seven thirty in the morning. I sat in my bed, irresolute. So i called him, but all that call accomplished was worsening my dilema. I ended up crashing his place. Spent a nice whole seven hours at his place lying in bed (: with the occational trips to pee and fridge raids and lunch . There is no Way anyone can study in that room. I was pleasantly shocked at how deviant his room was lol. NO study table. SMALL closet, whichwasnotmorethanhalffilled, and a fucken nice black corner . its so cosssyyyyyy and niceee. gggaahhh i want my room to be like thattt. maybe i shud get him to deco my room when its done. HUR.


My mood swings are beyong horrible. I get irritated easily. He drives me crazy some times. His gahh -spasms- BLURNESS creates this wild concoction of helplessness and fury tt causes my senses to be impervious to logic and reason ( hyperbole). i'm getting used to it. i'm getting there. :s

At times i ask myself why i even got with him in the first place. Other times, being with him seems so surreal.

OH! i was in the train , packed with people on their way to werk. I was having a tummyache thn ( as do i in most mornings, as do most ppl in the morn ). I amused myself by estimating, the fraction of people in the train who were suffering the same plight as me or the no. of people in the train who shared the thought of alighting at the next stop just to ejest. -laughs- i wonder.
{ 4:48 AM }

Just because i was late ( its not the first time) , my mom blew her top and yelled at me in front of everyone , hurling a free flow of execrations and epithets . I felt a little guilty but i didnt bother to make it up to her because..well its not me. I hate how she starts rambling with that fuctup oracular tone that makes me blood boil and spur an inexorable urge to sew her mouth up. i hate her. I would gladly take her verbal abuse if not for the fact tt her anger was exaggerated because she was alr having a bad day. fucker. s0 i had to be her emotional sponge. sigh.

She proceeded to nag at my lack of respect for my paternal relatives. Excuse me but i dont see the point in greeting people i onli see once a year. They dont know me, much less incl me as part of their family.. ( i know). I dont know what they're names are and i dont care. I dont want to have anything to do with them . Their whole family is fuctup. imbeded in an intricate web of family disputes and backstabbing and malicious greed and all that shit. I felt like saying all this but i didnt wanna aggrevate her.

So dinner with my maternal relatives. She told them not to bother about me. I did them a favour and made myself invisible . plugged in my ipod and held back my tears. Back home, she picked at me again for dirtying the kitchen sink with a few grains of rice. i sighed and walked out.

i hate her.
{ 5:35 AM }

sigh. I nid to hit the books, but everytime i stare at them i get frustrated because the sight of them seems to impair my brain. Its stop functioning and i hate feeling so..useless. At that point in time , not even anybody's comfort could help placate the growing ferocious self-hatred boiling within. That coupled with my inherent morning grouchy-ness resulted in a mass break down, further execerbated by ..something else.

Downed sm martel and got kinda red. By the time he got here, i had recovered from my emotional trauma and was laughing at nothing . I decided to acc him to nick's place. ( happy birthday). bumped into JOLENE at bras barsah. what a coincidence! haha she makes me smile. HI JOLENE U MAKE ME SMILE

haha so we watched saw and texas chainsaw massacre. gore fest man. they watched shutter later but i had to leave =(

sometimes i hate myself. It bugs me that i'm a wreck. Its not that i dont wanna change, but if i supressed it thn i wud be faking it. I dont know. Its so hard just to subdue whatever i'm feeling and let own an amiable smile and lie to him that i'm fine. would u want that? :f gosh i hate myself. i suck.
{ 7:36 AM }

On my way home, i met the friendliest cabby ever. like ever. he was so jolly and light hearted, it scared me. He sang to the retro songs on the radio and at one point, he jiggled in his seat and that sixties hussel song was on. i wondered with earnest curiosity if he was secretly doing the hussel hahahaha.

I dont like my neighbour. He smokes ( i can smell it from up here), he plays the tele/radio too loud. he talks too loud. he has a horrible voice ( and prolly a ghastly face to go along with it) . It annoys me because its affecting my afternoon naps and cool quiet evenings that i really really enjoy. boo


i'm a little tired and very full. i feel like sleeping (:
i'll try not to tongue my pillow . -laughs-
{ 10:22 PM }

tsk tsk.. oh and thats my foot.The chalet turned out much more fun than i had intended it to be. I spent the day bumming in the room while the rest cycled and did stuff in the sun. I thn proceeded to MIA for a while by hanging out with him by the seaside. fucking horrible. okay, the setting was awesome. breezy and everything . BUT THEN, we were constinuously approached by disgusting cockroaches.

my screams pierced the placid silence. hahaha thn in the midst of the franctic screams , jumps and kicks, accidentally grabbed his ahem. hahahha that was funnie. couldnt stop laffing.

i tried learning how to cycle. :f

played strip poker at night [ which explains the odd picture above (: ]

i love him.
{ 5:40 AM }

Fuck man. i've been unleashing excesive amounts of vulgarities lately. But i dont care cos i dont see a need to stop. Just waiting for time to past till i finally get on to getting ready for the chalet. i'm not even staying over. i might..if things get exciting. Its far and inconvenient and i hate to leave the crowd when they're having fun. Gee i am crapping.

My mood has just borderlined grouchy.
{ 9:19 PM }

Most people drink because they are heartbroken. I drank cos my mom was driving me crazy, like a monkey on my back. She snapped at me for using the yellow cloth instead of the already wet, blue cloth. like hell, how the fuck am i suppose to noe tt the blue cloth is wet? and whats wrong with rinsing the other ( she did it n e ways).

" what has gotten into u these few days??"

Fucking hell, she shud be asking herself that. I shall stick to his theory tt she's stressed over the wedding. cheebye. Maybe ignoring her is not the appropriate panacea but..no contact. no fights. -shrug- grrr.

you make my head spin
{ 7:55 AM }

out of 24 hrs , i didnt speak to my mother for more than 5 minutes today. She yelled at me just because i asked for my socks. Accused me for bossing her around, accused me for showing her attitude. just because i asked if she had seen my socks.

Sometimes i think its my prerogative to be petuland and puerile because i am the only child.

I'm so tired and stressed that i resorted to msging my face with anti-stress cream -laughs- it may well have worked!

i've not told my mom about the T30 chalet yet. In fact, i dont ..there is no push for me to go. Its like there's nothing to look forward to. Sure i bet i'll have fun because they are my friends and tho they may not be as fun as e6, they're a nice bunch to hang out with. Oh. will there be mj? -rubs hands tgt- hehehehe

Oh and fencing is tiring. The bloody place is so far away.

ps/ what wud i do without u?
{ 5:36 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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