*waves frantically* hehehehehe i'm estatic. dont ask why. been that way for a week now. -wide grin- i like where i'm sitting. i have a perfect view outside -smirks- that i can face when i feel like day dreaming and not too front not too back from the whiteboard. so i can concentrate. hahahahaah but there are cons my dear comrads. lol. the view of *** wait. yea. don n e how think is like..so irritating. i feel like plucking his teeth out with a plier. its like so freakin irritating and he's such a backstabber. not anything major but he's take the fun out of everything. stupid spoiler. deep down inside, i think he likes miss seah. wahahaha. stupid horny geek. bah.

oh ya. and that Mr koh. he's another fucker. he looks so groomed and polite and -cough- classy and all that shit crap but he's an asshole. period. i was walking with li en[wahahaha] home and he pops up from no where and comment on my blouse whilst desperately fishing for his stupid wireless thing. and he said sth about " .... no actually. i'm her[me] worse enemy". i smiled politely. stupid asshole. go fuck ur ex G.S pupils lah... i curse u die a horrible fiery death.

i think vanx is getting back at me. especially ME for all the times i embarrassed her in front of AHEM. hahahahahahha. =( so sad. she's so mean. *pout* but i like. eehehehehehehehe..............

{ 7:28 PM }

life is so full so disappointments. sigh. they're like everywhere. u noe? freaking everywhere. i wish all of them cud die or sth. i'd like to kill them, like how hitler purged those jews. -smile- that would make my day. but i dont think i can bare too. sobs

was supposed to like help jy with his cal but i dont feel very nice todae. sry. :f i feel like biting someone. grrr....perhaps it was PMS. sorely PMS but ppl made me angry too. argh. dunno wht i talking. hate it lar.

btw, i can see ty as some future motivation speaker. like he's born to do that or sth. seriously!!!!!! he has talent. he like got us all motivated during CD..he's like better than all the teachers man..better. way way way better. i wonder where he learnt tat lemon thingy from. really cool. hehe. jy was a lil insulted. nevermind. it was funnie.

had this fairy tale act thing..so fun eh...vanx smeared like lippy all over my mouth..while a drew like horrid eye brows for her. lols..i liked sharul's fairytale..esp the firepart..and clement's part also. all so funnie. hehe . this is wht u get when u have lameo ppl arnd. -grins- luv em. they make me laugh. gee...so guna miss them after this yr... =( hopefully we still hang out and all. lols.

oh. forgot to mention about my morning sickness. [lol] my mom gave me this green tablet sussposedly for quell diarrhoea but instead it made me throw up. its like so topsy turvy. but nevermind. that was the worse vomit i ever had. to vomit sticky bubbly foamy stuff with no food..nothing. felt really sick.

todae was so bikini-wax-ish. talked about it in the morn, in the afternoon and just before assembly. hahaha....i din noe guys went for it too...hmms. i wonder how pro brazillian wax is done. i wonder how they wax it to a perfect cute lil triangle on top?!?!!??! cos i sure dont know how.

i wanna go shopping. -pout-

{ 4:02 PM }

0h.. saw someone on fridae. how disgusting. how obscene. unsightly. y-u-l-k . haha..k la k la..its not that bad but she wore her pants too low. saw her crack. i dont think she has an ass. the depression didnt look at deep *cringe* i mean, have a lil discretion. unless...she's like me?? [lol] i dont get why she wears stuff tat emphasize / exagerbate her height. ah. another paradox of life.

that aside, i was sorely bored to tears this afternoon. a huge part of me wanted to sleep but i didnt wanna get all mouldy again so i went out. alone. :s rather stupid. okaY..going out alone is fine..but going out alone with nothing in mind is WORSE. i was like walking aimlessly arnd WM. i came back pretty fast. lol~! i think i spent about 30 mins there. heh. missed Den by a few steps. but she was with jon...so yea. coincidentally, their um..math i think teacher's the daughter of my chinese teacher. isnt that so cool? lol. i was laughin about it. n e ways, i bot another red nail polish. this time, in a deeper hue. hmm... wanted to get CD, but that shop is pathetic. wanted to get... a beanie baby but i found it stupid, oh shit. forgot to get valentine card. AKs. *slaps myself*. wanted to get ear rings.. but dint. hoho. bot yummy cookies..but not as yummy as famos amos. no aroma at all. =( . i felt so lonely. -pout-. hmpf.

sighs. i better go study or sth . been slacking alot. i'm so depressed. i nid to go shopping. like. really shopping. maybe aft CNY. after i get loads of ang baos. yes. blow it all on clothes. hhahahahha. i think must book denise first.. and mel. aRggghhh..hope they're free. i wanna shop i wanna shop... hahaha figuratively, i see myself as this blood thirsty, hairy monster. going "SHHHHHOOPPPPIIIINNGGGG" =s.

oh yar..wasted 2 hrs talking to my tutor. she was telling me about her experience at velvet. and stuff. i find it all very interesting. listening to adult stuff.. i lil shocking but i cud handle it. she was like " maybe one dae, i'll bring u there" wahahhahahaha. not bad ey? eeyyy..[still rmb ma?] heehe. eeyyyyyy..yes..eeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy... crazY.

{ 7:25 PM }

Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahah whooo.. ONE word ; delirious. wwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mhuahahahahhhaha . eheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh. is there sth wrong with me? okokokok.. first of all, i'd like to apologize to all for my incessant ramblings and irritating behaviour and continuous monotonous rants last night. BUT I CANT HELP IT!!! If i had the strength to contain my emotions i wud have. lols. omg. someone smack me. *smacks myself in the head*. yes. thanks. i'm like grinning now. in front of the laptop. me. grinning. facing this lifeless squar thing. grinning. aRgh.. ahahah i need a depressant. =x.

haHa.. dont u think its hilarious. how a bunch of wayward, rowdy, hip-hoppy, teenagers spent their friday night at the choir concert? listening.."appreciating'' the songs dey delivered to us? hahaha. i think it is. lol....i think everyone went for the sake of looking g0od or sth. cos they sure as hell dint go for the music. yes i am guilty. partly. i didnt understand wht they were singing most of the time...esp those forein language songs. swedisH! ahem. didnt get that. chinese? didnt comprehend. D'oh. but it was nice la. our sch shud have an all boys choir. thn they can sound scary. -grin- n e way. li ting and i went shopping before the concert. it was an impromtu decision.. considering we were 1.5 hrs early.. went far east. took neoprints. hahaha. next day show u all. and um..i bot these humongo bongo ear rings. but it matched wht i wore so it was ku. aiYa..wasted... i saw so mani clothes that appealed to me but sadly, we were not blessed with the luxury of time. tsk tsk..thn rushed back. yup. hehe yup. ya.

u noe. i think tht they shud have this red carpet thing with cams and all..like those award shows. i mean. since their sole purpose was to dress up right??? hmm..tap tap... haha u noe ilyas and friends wore like freakin formal. very cool. lols. they stood out from the crowd..with suits and ties and all. lols. oh!! thn there was that piano girl. lmao. during the songs where she need not play, she sat there looking so dejected, stuff and in a trance. like..u noe doll master? that kinda thing. sad dejected scary ppl. *shudders*

i feel a lil guilty for acting like an ass last nite. if i weren't me, i wud slap um. me. u get me?? argh... that aside, i think True by ryan cabrera is such a sweet song. i think all girls like it. its like sooooo sweet. oh someone pls True to mieee.. wahahhah. =x.

tsk tsk... bdae coming.. i still want that blender. lol .

{ 10:15 AM }

*slaps myself* i feel like cutting my head open and sqeezing those curly whirly grosss thingies. boo..i've noticed a patten daily. i go to bed exited, wake up fresh and optimistic. aFter a few periods, my mood wears down and i'm grumpy moody and unfriendly. hmpf. -frown- i must change. for the better. its killin me. i mean this is unhealthy man.. i wake up in the middle of the night like really awake. my eyes are wide open . they go like "blink blink!" lol! i cant slp. . this is really wrong. if u're clever enuff, i think u noe wht the best medicine. arh. -slaps myself again- u're really dumb cheryl.

that aside.. got like so gek at mac when i saw sheila's sms. like ARrggghhh..nvm. its alright. deep breathes. yes. hahahaha..thn returned to sch feeling rather insane. suga lvl at its optimum after that sundae.[ w.o fudge. :(((((((((((] thn laughed for nothing. pinched vanx for nothing. annoyed her for nothing. hahaha thn she stole my shoes and i chased her around looking like 2 complete pompus farTs. kinda silly. but i luv it. thn had that ' hist test' ..no interest at all. mind all clogged up with stupid thots. didnt know wht i was writing. stupid. i am so thick. i cant believe it. i cant believe i thot she gave us 50 mins when it was written ever so clearly the opposite. hrmpf.

went home with them.. wheee..saw clement. hahahhahaha we pulled his pants. kinda funni. but not funni enuuff. =(.

ohH. and can couples pls stop the public display of affection in school? its downright d-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g . -smile- esp when it concerns disgusting ppl.

on the brighter note, its amazing wht ppl will do to refrain from work. jy and ilyas 'sang' so mieee during PE just cos they didnt wanna take the balls and all that crap. a lil funnie and flatering also. cos those songs HAD MY NAME INNIT!! wooooooooooo. no carol, or anne or jane or whtever shitty name. yea cheryl. they had cheryl innit. cheryl. woooo cheryl. argh. moody.

[hmmms...nth happened todae during klass..hahahahahah...cant believe we were so mean. okay...equally mean? i dunno. frankly..i cudn't care less.. cud've replied a crude, mean, dont giva fuck answer but being the nice person i felt compelled to be... i lied. -grin- u noe, worse thing about msg-ing is that u nv noe wht the recipient's really doin. u can be engaging inna really indepth and emotional conversation and the other party can be laughing and ur stupidity. all that crap. yes. ] ---> dont n e how make judgements k...its not you. ^_^

okay...i guess i shud be doing my homie workie now.... *pout* ciao.



{ 7:50 PM }

aRGH. i'm writing for catharsis. anyone offended just fuck OFF. u noe wht i hate? u noe wht i hate most???? I HATE FAKE PPL. fake fake fake FUCKING FAKE. i dont get it. oooh...i'm so dark and goth.. ooooh i love going to church and being all godish. *SPITS* c'mon lah... get real man..it just doesN't FIT!!!!!! fucking fags. i hate them. PURGE PURGE PURGE. so what if u wear black..so what if u're nails are black. big deal. how superficial. u brand urself by the clothes u wear, by the music u listen, by the ppl u hang out with. thats just downright disgusting. cos i believe u are u and u shud be proud of whu u are and decide wht u are..not let some st0opid trend drive. u shud be in control. tsk, i am over reacting yes i know. so sue me. yea..maybe i am wrong about those kinda ppl but.. its intuition la. like how u can tell if sth's gone wrong or if someone's lying or if u're loved one are toying with ur feelings. stuff like tat.

aRGGHH. mel n i waited like 1.5 hrs for the fucking tutor. can u belive it?? that cum slut had the audacity to not inform us in advance!!!!!!!! hope u die a horrible fiery death. burn. -.-llllll i was a lil pissed. i've got like much more things i can do with that amt of time wasted. GONE. fly away. woosh. argh. stupid. i am seething.


and that whole thing just plucked my last nerve.

{ 9:01 PM }

how eventful oooh how eventful!!!! *rubs hands together menacingly(??) like Mr burns* hahahaha. i luv it when we have rememdials and all that craP. schOol is fun0er tat way~ hahaKs.. aft sch vanx , lien and i went for lunch..had it at the playground. thn we started acting all silly and all. so funni!!!!! u noe the fireman pole?? yea..i kinda forgot how to slide down it so i kinda dared em too...lien went firsT. hahahhahah we're so st0opid. like yea so it slipped out mind we were wearing SKIRTS so.. yea. it went all po0fy..like those 13th century one. i had the hardest laugh when lien went cos at the point of time, 2 swiss guys happened to walk past. dont know if they saw anything,(she was wearing shorts anyway) but yaRr...so pai seh...heCk. despite laughing so hard , i managed to slide down the pole..with less air rushing into my skirt thn lien's. hahahaha...adrenaline????? dunno :s got that High feeling. not done yet.. we moved on to the twirly whirly slide. so cool..somehow.. we get charged up (static electricity) so after we slide down and touch each other, we like experience this electric charge thing. COOL RIGHT??? so being the dumb fucks who are easily amused..we ran up as fast as we cud..thn slide down again..thn touch each other. lol. so dumb..um..vanx and lien had the biggest effect. the spark sound was rather loud. ironically, i had null effect with lien but slightl more with vanx. hmmM..admist such blatant display of childish-ness, i went crazy n started calling ppl for fun. like..

riinng riinng....
person: hello?
me: hi. i call u for fun.
tooot...tooot..toot.

lol.. shawnie's response was the funniest. hahahahahha. =x that dude is whaCk. he like knows how to bake this dunno what geateau shit. hahaha.. reminds me of um..tat jamie guy..u noe that gud looking co0k? ahh.. men whu cook. *thumbs up* another paradox of life. hehehe..

thn in kls.. saw some video in khairil's phone. like OMG!! i should be normal but omg!! its so siiccckkkk...kinda funni. its just hard to swallow how open they are. u noe??? i bet they're gay. dont they feel awkward or sth? i wonder who pulls of his pants firSt. tsk tsk. >.<

miss tay throw herself in a paroxysm of anger this morning. kinda funnie..she was shrieking. hahaha..asked mr seow later in the day if it was due to hormones inbalance. ah. i love bio. gonads. i like gonads. i like the term. its so cool!!! GONADS!!!!! u aRe a monkey faced whore whu loves to mEgaFuck GONADS~!! u noe. gonads sound so....mojo..sound so..libido. al ll that wweird weird terms. >.<



{ 10:05 PM }

fIrst and foremost, i wud like to disparage the sch for so FAKE, for the sake of those "external validation" ppl..c'mon now everyone. 1..2...3...-roll eyes- fiRst it was the heightened discipline..thn came the singing of the national anthem..NOW?!?!?! REPORT TO THE FUCKING HALL SO FUCKING EARLY JUST TO READ?!?!?!??!?!?!? awww Get REAL. the signs are so evident..i cud practically see thru them.. like all of a sudden.. kamal goes all raving mad about national loyalty [ humans person..so waT?!] and cRap..ok..thats tolerable but...PITCH?!?!?! RYTHEM?!!?! SIAO BO!?!? all u ppl wanna do is draw up a pleasant image of the freakin sch..embellish it with nice pretty colors..suga coat it.. and present it to those bunch of dumbfucks. oh oh..u noe how school's display banners with their sch visiion, moto, achievements and all tat crAp? geez..man. oh ya.... ViBrant LeaRning CommunitY.. with those nice nice words that only glamourize the fucking image of their skU..scratch the surface and u'll find NOTHING. tsk tsk..notiCe nth about freedom was mentioned in the handbook? i was so turned off seeing mRs poh "educating" us about da sch. i slept thru out. st0opid. why cant they tell us straight the faCe. i hate u ppl. i hate how everyone is so phony... blaH. damn those gonads.

kaEs...since i'm tawkin bout sCh..hMmMs...i saw SUSAN LIM IN G-STRINGS!!! MIND U!!! NOT THONGS!!! G- STRINGS SIAh!!!! WO0O0O0OO0O0O0O0O0O0O

That aside..i bot taufik's album ytd...its so fucking nice..esp the first track..which ken lim wrote mind u.... i got a lil down cos it reminded me of us i wonder wht he feels about me..wait thats stupid...nono...i dont kn0w. its not tht i dont trUst hlm but becos of that time, i'm like still a tad bit skeptical. nono....like 57% skeptical. or sth. i feel a lil hesitant to really open up to him, i know how he hates the st0opid low self esteem, confidence, depressed juNk that i am. i dont want him to get sick of me. besides, that fucker has so many friends now. there must be someone whu fancies him. i feel a lil inferior merely just talking to him at time. his life is like so much better in comparison with mine. i know wht he still hangs around buT..i feel a lil reprehensible for being his excess baggage. i shud fuck off. *slaps myself* TUT TUT TUT..wrong perspective here. tryna be someone..that u noe u're not..it gets harder everyday~
i know myself in some way or another..i am holding back..aiya..dunno lah. puiee.

st0opid shithead. if u thin u r lousy, useless and downright rotten thn u are. so um..ya.. :s


{ 4:17 PM }

AIYOH!!! mel..u readin diS?? u readin dis??? EAT MORE LAH!! hahaha...sT0opid. Actually, u're physique and stature is gud eNuff ..no nid to shred and extra pounds cos there is none. unlike me. and lest u want ur boobies to shrink to a -A, eat more. :D

speaking of body mass, i would like to lose more weight. hmm..perhaps that thot is ingrained in all females. cos even the skiniest girl thinks she FAT . its crazy isnt iT? i wonder how they feel, when they're all fucking boob-less and bones. till their colarbone and rib cage are distinct and evident. its Sick man...when u're like a 2D image..with no ass... no BOOBS. notice i keep stressing about BOOBS. hahahaha..but true wAT..so ugly.. do they feel contented being in parallel(hahahah get it. PARALLEL) with a stIck? *roll eyes* maybe there's a certain psycological effect on it. like some sort of self mutilation. somesort of twisted attempt to look ugly. but i think i'm done with torturing myself. hahaha life is short..must make myself happy..=pPpP

TGIF for the majority... FIF(fuck its fridae) for me. fridays shud be fRee..u're supposed to let lose on fridae , takin into consideration the sheer hardwork *cough cough* u've put in for the last 4 days..but nope. not me. cos fridays are bOokEd and often i return dead tired. choosing to retire to muh crib instead of staying up late and all. b0o. and with HW piling up. there is no room for fun.. *Cries* fuck it man. just fuck it.

hahaha..i think i'm just fiding it hard to adapt to the lack of freedom ever since sch started. cant paint nails...lets alone polish them but hu cares..um...limited hairstyle..fuck it...hmm...forCed unliness..cant accept that... hahhahahah...angry. haix. sad. haix. fuctup.

ANYWAY.... hahahhaha.die..i think i'm really having bipolar..i cried ytd...whats worse, i cried when u're not supposed to cry!!!!!! ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! And to quell my bipolar-ness..i did some PSM(productive "self-mutilation") which in layman's terms..WaXing.. AHEM AHEM. n u noe what? u get high doin that man. serious! hahahaha that aside, i was trotting around at home int hose MNG boots ytd evening. kinda funny..cos it went "klick klock klick klocl" u nod u noe? felt so superior..like soMe dictator, having the jurisdiction to do whATever i want..to rule with arbitrary. =xX. hey..i was alone at home waT..so technically.. i do rUle. >.<





{ 10:30 AM }

hmm...life just gets more "exciting" with each passing day. u noe why? cos summit interesting happened this morning. u wanna noe how much it hurts?? look at the scars in my heaRt. wait..thats impossible.. shift ur gaze to my wrist. see that?? THATS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. wonderful. and that's how its guna be from now on. aRgh..i feel like hitting myself. like hitting myself. i cant believe i was so stUpid. i feel so used.betrayed.dIrty. but he used to things better. my dReam ended this morning. it changed wait no..it brot back my perspective. i dont believe in eternal bliss. i dont believe some people are just that g0od to u. cos no one is. NO ONE. haix..i cant penn down how hurt i am. i cant express how hurt i am. i dont now wtf he wants. seriously.he tells me he loves me and on the other side, he wants to get over me?? When he still says he loves me?? knn...wth man. i know we're over and all but dont u think its so hypocritical???? if he wants to get over me thn he cud have chucked me and walk away. hu cares if i bleed. hu fucking CARes. and if he wants me thn love me. u can do b0th. its not fair. not fair at all. i dont deserve this. i dont. besides, if i didnt find out i doubt he wud've told me anyhow.

jy saw me tearing in klass. heng he din annoy me further. or i wud've brawled. . got thru todae with a heavy hart. at first the rage more or less subsided thn i the more i thot about it, i felt it like surge thru me and blaze in my eyes. for a moment. crappo? whtever lah. u all wun understand. hmms..haD PE. quite fun... haD biO..very krappy...lols...aft sCH.."tutored" clement..thn went home..and here i am.



{ 1:22 AM }

*bites lip* i.... sIGh. Aft last night, i doubt i'll be the same again. my world was crushed. nono..crush is such a light word. i dont know.. i hate it la. i hate everything. yes. goodbye new , hellow old. aWw. dont i get a welcome huGg. *pout*. people may think i'm crazy now but i dont cARe. nothing matters anymore. anything but me matters.. this is wht happens wht consternation is so replete within someone whu's mentally unstable. i knew it. i knew it. NOTHING'S can be so gud. i knew not to believe wht he said but i did anyhow. cos i am stupid. i am naive. no. its cos i have too much hope. stupid. *slaps myself*. cheryl is stupid. wheee.

scho0l was miserable. more or less. got a lil irrate with JY but i managed to squeeze in some laughs. lols. bah. i'm off to watch that anime. bye.

{ 2:01 AM }

my weekend was nothing but lackluster. um...if ya count studying forbidden words conscientiously delightful thn...u're prollz better of in woodbridge..yup. see. i managed to complete the whole of 1A in 2 days. my sheer speed and mental capability to learn n absorb captivates me. *smirks*. oh how i love my cerebrium hemispheres.. so greatly steeps in fissures and...um..stuff. hehehehehe. so now, i'm left with 2 um..2...do u call them chapters?!?!!? no u dont. aiya. whtever.. 2 left. lols. but in the midst of it all, it dawned on me tht i still had chem to revise. daNG. guna do tat laTEr.. i'm not guna let jy triumph so easily.

hmmm.. so mani movies left unwatched. seed of chucky in particular. i dont get it. why dont they wanna watch it?????? is it just me? hu cares if its suckay. its chucky and those dev dolls i wanna see..screw the rampant violence!. *sulk* i waanna watchh..........................-pout-

!! oh yar!!! FINALLY. i have caught the mtv of ' i jux wanna live' by GC. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE. *swoons* billy. ahh..billy. he's so KuTe! k lah..cute's not the word..more of ..he's so dark n goth, its adorable. his eyes are so dark. dont u think he looks like marilyn?? or something in that area? those kinda ppl? so dead, so..niCe.. geEz, i want. i wonder if i'll ever mit someone lyke tat. someone goth. cus all i see are um..bengs n punks and all that soRt. and those who are dark , dont look that appealing. *sheepish grin* OKAY, its superficial for me to sae that but how mani of u daresay u'd actually date someone fuckface..someone ugly? below average. some pizza face dork with greasy hair and waaayyy to much facial oil?? hmmmmmm????? yea...some may..those hu are as physically challanged as them.

haix....val's dae cumin....... haiz..... u hugged me and told me there'd be more to come. darn. that necklace. wht the hell am i guna do with it. haiz. what am i guna do with all the stuff he gave me. =(. hai yerrs...someone date me out tat dae leah.

hey hey hey.my bdae's cumin. nth much..just like 2-3 months away. for all u dimwits, its april 18th. GET ME SOMETHING. :)
here's a list :
CDs(my chem romance, h0Obastank, yellowcard, encore, or n e goth rock and shit albums)


{ 7:12 PM }

boo. its a rainy. booooring satUrday which i will spend studying the forbidden language. yes. i will. after i log of...

ytd was borrring. i went for CCA. can u believe it? neither can i. i had difficulty telling them the truth when they asked.

them " wht ya doin aft sku".
me: (short pause) " um. sj"
them : (looks in disbelief)

yea yea. whtever. had fun-ish. was bored most of e time but..i guess i had fun. mainly had boredom but. yea. aiya. contradictiing. saW ncc ppl dancing to techno. so cool seH..dang..they shud've done the full montay. bet it'll beat the other schools. *smirks* i was a lil fustrated ..cus it ended like late.. and i was so tired. and i still had forbidden words to learn. haix..so yea. made my way home and stalled in muh crib. alone. its kinda sad but i've grown accustomed to it..grown to love it. the silence. how i have ev.thing to myself..(yulk). u peeps shud pop by at night when no one's at home. i think u'll be scared shitless how quiet ev.thing is. hmm...only happens when i'm reading or studying. all quiet. a lil freaky. ev.thing so empty. aKs. future spinster.

hey. u noe. i threw his bracelet out the window, and it landed on the roof. *slaps myself*. i wanted to get it OUT of my life. instead, its there to stay..like forever. is this a sign?? haha. its these spontaneous things i do tht makes life worth living. but..aiya...plan backfired. nono..see on my first attempt, i threw it out. but the bracelet whirled round one of the bars. so i got up and flung it out da window, w.o much effort(i wasnt angry). haix. thn it landed down there out of reach but not out of sight. u noe how i sit on my table n look out of the window at times. yea. i get a gud view of it from there. see see see. boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo .

i didnt throw it for fun.i found it lying on my table and one look at it brot back memories..brot back times that are gone. gone gone gone gone. and nv come back again. i chucked it somewhere but i guess my mom found it and placed it on my desk. haix..i had been avoiding that lifeless piece of thing ever since that day. it was the priceless thing he gave me...2nd to his love that is. thn i thot bout the bracelet i gave him. i wanted to ask wht he did with all the shit i gave him but i stopped myself at the verh lasnt moment. at much as i hoped it'll still be with him, i didnt wanna noe the answer. *slaps myself* ... lardidums..i love my life..

wanted to ask mel out to study but i changed my mind. dunnooo why. i guess she'll be busy or sth..deN?? even worse. sms-ed her but nv reply. got a lil fustrated. she's so hard to contact lohs. edyot.



{ 8:45 PM }

has he moved on? why d0es he still call me.. why d0es he still say he misses meEe. why did he tell me to move on when he's not letting me do so? its so sad. i feel sad. not that i dont wanna..of course i do bUT..haix. i ddunno wht he wants la. i wanna stop thinkin of him. i wanna get him out of my mind. i dont want him out of my life. haiZ...all or nothing. its simple . since i cant have all of him, i'd rather have nothing thn to be stuck in the middle..to be unsure of everything. i dont want him back, i dont wanna lose him. haIx..i guess i gotta chose one rYte..i'm not making any sense here..

i dont wanna feel inordinately sad or hurt or jealous when i see him with someone else. cos i shouldn't cos we're done . buT he's making it hard fur meEe. h0w how. i be fucking having this problem anyway. aRGHHHHHHHH =( i wanna concentrate of muh studies. thats all. after that, throw me all the problems, inflict all the hurt. i have all the time in the world to deal with em. period.

haix..just leave me alone. let me live. let me be happie. i wonder...how mani of u ppl out dere think we're actually dying or living? i believe we're living.


{ 7:05 PM }

hello!! *waves* geez..i'm exhausted..exilerated...not that i didany strainous exerise or n e thing.. perhaps its mere lethargy but yea, i'm tired. tho i took a short nap a while ago. i'm tired. here to post a quickie.

fiirst day of sch:
~!@#~! tang bang bang saw mieee. arGh. st0opid. just my luck..just OUR luck we got placed NEXT to the staff room. its so silly. she was walking pass e6 and stoped abruptly and pointed AT me. stupid biatch. but aiya. whatever. nth much.

met our new maths teacher..whu's wway worse thn anyone.. i miss ms chua. lols.. the more she talks..the faster she goes , the more perplexed i am. hahaha..her talking speeds can go in parallel with twistaS. lmao.

i wanted to slap myself ytd. LITERALLY. i found myself day dreaming and doodling ..basically doing anything but paying attention. haIX. n0 pressies for guessing whu's on my mind.

tOdae:

bio was so fun. lmao. seow showed an an "anatomy" of a male's brain and a female's and like right deep in the center of the male's read : SEX. it took up the most S.A man!!!!! thn the girl's biggest part made up of dunno wht commitment and all that crap..still for fart detector. -.-lll. are guys less sensitive to farts??????? maybe thats why they hold no disgression against their natural potent, pungent, chocking gas?? omg..i wanted to type GUESS instead of GAS. am i turning into a bimbo of what. see see see..this is wht over shopping does to u. bahs.

felt a lil miserable in klss cos LEONG JING YI PANG SEH ME. *sulk*. i got him back tho. hahaha..so funni..both of them wanted to like just kill me or sth. its so fun. i didnt know wht i was thinkin either. i went nuts. thats all i know.

saw bastard's green green eyes.. OoOoOo...must have got s0o0o0o jealous upon seeing me. yes. I'M JUST THAT HOT. hahaha..jkjkjk ppl. sry, dunno wht i thinkin. but yea, its weird la. green eyes. look like monster. hahaha..ey ey ey..i wanna get the green and orange one. even WORSE! =pPp

oh. i must highlight that the sec 1 are just darn hilarious , adorable and T0OT. u noe, the turn up with all sorts of colored shorts/tights. i've seen guys in red...grren.NEON TURQUISE, YELLOW...PINK!! eKkKs! so funni. hey. i gotta run peeps. take care ya'll... mUAks. =]]]]] medulla oblongata everyone!!! cerebrium hephisphere u!!!! tata!!!!

{ 5:22 AM }

nothing seems right. not the weather, not the songs, not the mood..not myself. i cant smile, i dont wanna cry. i'm not jaded..just hallow. the MNG boots, the branded shit i wear, the sparkly ring i have. all of them have lost their worth..have lost their magic. they dont make me feel as gud. just a temporary high..thats all. bah. besides, i wont be going out much this year anyways...so whts the point of shopping so much???

i'm not depressed.. its just the environment. its pouring outside, the sky is grey, my room looks so gloomy and dark. yea, u get the point. i guess i shud start being optimistic. wait..at times i am. i look forward to school..to crapping iwth my friends..to books to keep my mind off him. hehe. cheryl's a big study shitfreak. as much as i wanna be loved, i am reluctant to go into another r-ship [tho i know he will inna jiffy]. aiya. wht am i talking. *slaps myself*

l'm sad. im' lonleY. BUT HEY!!! ISN'T EVERYONE?!?!?!?!?!? wahahahahah. cant wait to see 2005 off. only 364 days??nothing much. i'm so happy. oh yes i am. hehehe.

{ 12:31 PM }

its amazing how fast my body degenerates into this limpy,weak,dying thing AND how fast it recovers (tho slower thn the former). i fell ill last night..i first felt the symtoms like at 6+, by 830 , i was burning a fever. whooosh~~ haish. i felt so sick. literally, i shant go into the details cos i'm sure ya'll noe how it feels but..haix..the last time i got a fever he was there. *cringe* i miss him. but i stayed up for his call. i inteneded to countdown with him on the down but i was just too fucking ill. haix. cheryl's heartbroken. so this world..is too much, for u to take..just lay it down and follow me..i'll be everything u nid..in everyway..

i'm feeling better now, only this close *pinch my index and thumb together* to recovery. .yup. finally, i've completed my long procrastinated essay on ENVY. it's crap with an abrupt finish but at least i had it done.. *Sigh* i did some research on it and i'm quite interested in psycology shit. u noe. jealousy and envy are like totally diff things tho often mistaken for one another? and envy can be both benign and invidious. its so cool. perhaps i'll be mel's psycho partner. *chuckles*
i was so sick last night, i cudn't even think straight but i managed to provide what comfort a sick friend cud offer to mel. hope she's alright. i hope she got wht i tried to convey to her.



{ 3:44 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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