{ 5:46 AM }

{ 5:46 AM }

Cool breezy cosyy and cold mmmmf . I felt so good after bathing myself in that awesome bathing oil dalvin and aud found in the shower. walked around in class bare feet cos my socks were wet and..walking in soggy socks made me feel icky. so i stuffed them under the table. shant sae whose. hee

It has been established and proven that I am irresponsible, even in dealing with people. which explains how i can be so straight forward with people at times when i'm mad because I dont give a hoot how they feel. So when he ignored me ( because he was busy) when i didnt feel so good i naturally got pissed. I could sense the tension in the air, even tho he's so far away. It was one of those moments where if i pushed any further hell would break loose. So i swallowed whatever that was building up in me, even though i felt like i dunno wrangling something.

you know that tingling volatile vulnerable split moment where time sort of freezes and you enter a dilemma of whether to let ur emotions take control or clamp it down? i guess its more intense for guys but it feels so awkward. hate it.

cher shall keep it in tonight

{ 7:56 AM }

ohyar. i was damn glam (hyperbole) on sat can. before i met him i made him promise he wouldnt run away from me. hahaha. Ugh.

{ 7:52 AM }

I felt exited in the thirty minutes before midnight on the 17th. I felt miserable on the 18th . kudos to all who wished me, yes even u andi, despite doing it 2 hrs into the 19th day of april.

I was all grumpy and haughty on the way to dinner with my parents and geek. I haaveno idea why i snapped at my daddy and mommy so much. there wasnt any cake. it was like an ordinary dinner. hence i conclude that my birthday is under celebrated. i hope i have more fun on saturday..if we're even doing anything..or maybe the sat after this week since all the fucking CAs are arnd the corner.

dear stayed overr. didnt do much. he had ulcers all over his mouth and i was bleeding. -laughs- we played with make-up. thanks for the present and i appreciate ur effort in tying to wrap it. (:

it took me 1.5 hrs to wake him up the next day. and it involved a hell lot of effort and tissues. stuffed tissues up his boxers and asscrack. hahahaha the sight of watching it snow from his shorts as he walked was hilarious. had a little play fight after that. fucking scary. he used my blankie as a weapon. i kicked his face by accident. he bruised my knee. ouch ouch. Even after that i found him sound asleep on my bed after i showered. had to admit i was slightly irritated. fucking slob.

anyways. pictures.

ur typical couple shot. i think this is our first!

He said i could do whatever i want with his face

i shall end this entry with a pic of nise's gianormous PAD

{ 7:29 AM }

meet dou dou. ( bean bean in chinese) i place him beside my bed everynight. yet oddly, i see him lying stubbornly on the floor every morning. *whispers* i think he can walk.

I think my dear has STDs. I am quite certain he has it. I've been telling him for months that he has it. But the symtoms that surfaced have affirmed my speculation. that fucker has ulcers all over his mouth and dick sores. hahahahahaha. just kidding. IF he has STDs thn i am the virus. come to think of it.oh and now he cant stop properly and he's drooling involuntarily. hahahaha I think i should just cancel this whole paragraph.

i notice how he gets misconstrued my adults alot. like during training on friday coach came to convey his superfluous opinion that he didnt think its "cool" for him to dress the way he is. I replied with a smile. i cudnt rolled my eyes and said whatever but i didnt think that'll be nice. There's no use trying to sway the opinion of someone who is so resolute and certain that he is right. Though i thought it was insulting that he thinks i went with him because i thought he was "cool" oh puh-leeze. you dont know me. most of all..your opinion is ...dwarf, pigmy ..whatever.

hmmm dear was so super sweet on friday. I was gloomy and down and grumpy and angry the whole day and i called him ad hoc. so we met up in town . I got even more pissed when he wasnt at the meeting place and even even more angry when he told me to wait outside 711 for him and he wasnt there. so angry me when to the toilet and when i got out i saw him standing there with one fuckin rose. THAT WAS SO CORNY I TELL U. but it made me smile like immediately . and try as i might i couldnt get mad at him. hahaha goodddd - he said i had to blog about it.
{ 7:42 AM }

H Y P O C R I T E

why play by the rules where no ones abides by them. why pationize and sacrifice when it all goes to waste. why even bother to care and go the extra fucking mile ? i have no idea. I feel like shit for everything i just did. i feel so repulsed by myself. But i'm not going to hurt my body or anything because this is different . its not my fault this time. shall bury my thoughts in my books just to keep you away.

GO AWAY
{ 8:31 AM }

I stumbled upon a doodle that i doodled 2 years ago..back inthe good ol days of that confined classroom. Like nise, the sudden realization of how stupid i was back then hit me squarely in the head and tickled me funnie. I smiled for so long my muscles hurt, couldnt stop laughing. what humoured me more was how HE kept repeatedly INSINUATING Actually, more of outright accusing me of being oh so head over heals for him thn. HHAHAHAHHAHAHA. which is quite funnie. because i THINK that , that doodle was a mere doodle and nothing more than that. HA. if it makes u happy i'll concede that i was thinking of u love. hahaha

That doodle alone led me to reminisc about my ex-class , which i kinda of fondly miss. Its not the same now, people change. But even though 05 was hell, they didnt make it so bad. i miss the walks home and the stupid things. sigh!

that aside. I think for some instances, politics arises from a nasty tongue. If no one says anything or critque's anyone thn i guess all is well. But these people do so and try to gain a consensus for an individual's flaw. I find it quite repugnant because once i break down the "analytical" insults and innate biasness, the whole point that person's trying to convey is quite..pointless in itself. They just go on ranting and talking and gossiping behind people's back. It gets quite irritating

Oh. i cut someone's que today. I was quite mad and i didnt give a fuck. Initially i was all for the waiting but that choice was thrown out the window when the person in front let 2 girls who weren't even in the que jump in. Given the circumstance of me being hot, slightly irritated and quite hungry.i kinda just walked past them. like i said, i didnt give a fuck. And i wasnt gg to be allpuppy eyed, apologising hypocritically for it. bitchessss. RARH.
{ 7:32 AM }

I have garlic breath and it STINKS ( pun intended). gee i didnt know a bowl of pasta would reside in my breath for so long. now i'm beginning to regret throwing that pac of mints away. gah

My holiday with my mom turned out to be just as bad as i had anticipated. My efforts to reconcile with her were periodically punctuated with drunk slaps, unreasonable, unfounded nags bout boyfriend and i and conversations about her stupid fucking cheebye scandal . Not only did the trip dashed all hopes of reviving our nostalgic good relationship, but also inflamed my aversion to her repugnant presence.

I know she's getting old and sometimes i think that i cant blame her for doing what she did but when she blasts me bout my ' disgusting ' behavious and him, she's hitting my last nerve.

I know he's not rich I know he's nothing close to the plastic ideal u want me to date but he makes me happy . He loves me more than my dad loves you. U're just jealous. through the ' he'll never succeed ' and the ' i hate his hair ' and other insults lies an insidious form of envy and jealousy . i know

and that hyprocrisy. how u try to defend urself when i asked why is was okay for you to sift thru my text messages and not alright for me to do the same. You looked so embarassed . your defence was so weak i laughed inside. You are disgusting

Earlier on you asked if you aggrevate some people to the extent that they have murderous intentions and that the only thing that seperates their hands from your throat is the law. I can tell you with full certainty that you have that special gift. you make ppl feel like killing you. really.

You taught me personality you said. You didnt like the way i was laughing and playing with him and the back seat. you expect me to wear creaseless shirts with starched collars and talk about the world and why and how it is the way it is. perhaps you did. but ur husband stripped me of any modicum of self worth and shame i ever had in me.

hello my name is cheryl. i dont have a mother nor a father. To me, they died long ago.

{ 8:22 AM }

mat siaallll.

i misss the freak of nature side of him with the hair clips and the weirdass needles all over his body. I'll hafta admit tt i find it quite sexy. yes, the sado-masochist in me.

I was counting the minutes till the school ended today. eagerly. Like some..bitch. (female dog). funnies.

We hung out and watched a movie. walked round town. ate good food. i dont know how my hundred bucks flew away. Like how he didnt noe how his flew away either? oh. i think his is pretty straight forward.. hurr.

I dont know why i've been zoning out these past two days. I'd just get this sudden aversion to people and a sudden desire to confine myself to solitary. it puzzles me. whats wrong? i dont know. i really dont.

and if u had to leave
i wished that you would just leave
cos u're presence still lingers here
and it wont leave me alone
{ 9:27 AM }

I spent this entire lazy cosy sunday with my mother. I hate her. We're always at loggerheads with one another. Its not like i dont try to communicate. I was telling her about the farewell party on friday. she critisized every good thing i brought up. that was during breakfast. Disgruntled, i went up to my room. Then during lunch, she talked about how she wasnt guna talk to my aunt forever for some stupid thing she did ( which in my opinion was fundamentally my mother's fault to begin with) and abot her stupid fucking scandal. I didnt like what she was talking. so i put my plate into the sink and went back up. Then during dinner, she just had to complain about the waiting time and the food and whatever not-making dinner oh so unpleasant. Like wilson, she always misses the point about my argument and my complaint and ends up yakking about something else. which totally puts me off. fucking misinterpretation. Periodically, i'd interupt her with " u dont even get my fucking point" . gosh, i even went as far as to ask her for the gist of what i was saying to keep in check. i dont like her trailing of and scolding me for nothing. literally.

On the way back home, she nagged at me about my boyfriend's long hair and whatever char she deemed that went along with people with long hair. At that moment i wish i was an operator, so i could direct her anger and grieviences to him instead of me. Its like being scolded for someone else's wrong doings. it dont feel good.

SO that was my day with my mother. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Oh and in case you people are wondering why i am still feeling so fuctup since i have a boyfriend and he's supposed to inundate me with lovey dovery shit. i have no fucking idea why.

pissed.
{ 6:11 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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