Sweet dreams are made of me

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Ouh Ma fucking gawd, i have this irritating song stuck in my head. I HAVE TO GET RID OF IT. I think the title is gracekelly. or gracemolly.

CTs begin tmr..with GP and History..the only thing i remembered doing was sleeping and watching teevee and spooning fudge from the jar and falling asleep..and doing a little bit of math..and dragging my gaze from word to word across the notes and thinking ' yeah yeah whatever..'

I had a burger for dinner. Its been a while

I dont think i have anything productive to write. Oh he just called. I'm off. haha
Bona fuckss bah guass

{ 6:41 AM }

Friday, February 23, 2007

The borderline marks i've been getting for almost all my subjects have left me feeling bereft and totally divorced from any source of motivation. I know more than anything else that i cannot afford to rest on my laurels and yet my body and mind is devoid of a longing to improve . i have sunken so deep into the abyss that it'll take more than overcoming the gargantuan force of inertia to get myself out of this dark, hollow pit. I spend days psyching myself to be more disciplined but i'm still easily distracted. I dont know what to do.

I'm afraid. But whatever for? my fate has already been plotted anyway. I've almost memorized it from the recurring dreams i've had. Everything is going to go wrong this year.

( how have i become so pessimistic?)
perhaps its because of the repeated failures. So much so that i have virtually lost faith in myself. Mind over matters. I lost myself. I have become so weak ( mentally) that i'm ashamed of my mind. No one, not even a whole load of encouraging comments can get me out of this rut. This is my own battle, one that i find pointless to fight because i have already lost.

{ 9:18 AM }

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Because you walked me home like you did
Because you kissed me like you did
Because we hung out in my room like we did
Because...my lips are dry and i'm afraid you've passed ur sickness to me

I love you
=(

{ 6:58 AM }

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I'm not going to pretend i'm happy. I'm not going to tell you about my wonderful day and how i miss him and everything's fine and all that gross sickening mushy shit. ( according to sha, i am supposed to say this)

Something's wrong. It leaves a sickening pit in my tummy. I cant exactly pin point what ( actually after a whole day of pin pointing i think i have managed to isolate a factor) sO -takes a breath- i'm going to give myself a day..or two..or maybe three if i feel tolerant and live life in sweet dillusion that this sick feeling will magically usher itself out the door . Its clogging up my mind and making me cry in front of history notes. If this repugnant feeling persists..thn..i shall...tell him about it . or runaway. or tell him about it and thn runaway. or ...AIYAH I DUNNO LAH

whAt.

{ 6:31 AM }

Monday, February 19, 2007

hello world. I'm tired. I'm hungreee and i miss my baby. He's sick shit and i'm afriad that he'll die of some horrible sing shit disease thats killing everybody in this world now. My my we live in a world infested with virulent viruses and infiltrate our bodies and ..whatever.

{ 7:31 AM }

Friday, February 16, 2007

so much for catching up on work. Planned to mug in sch the entire day ( yes, how no -life) but the lib closed at 3. so..i had no choice but to vacate the area. I could have gone home..but i didnt want to. So wasted about 2 hours walking from far east to douby gaut only to end up at his place instead of home. wasted another..oh my i dont know. the entire fucking day. i am so dead for my common tests and what bruh paul said doesnt make it any better. I wanna do well. i really do. sighh

..i hope i can get a cab home

I bought purple contacts..wanted blue but it wasnt available. I dont like it. i'm tired and my ear's bleading.

I'm not feeling exitement and enthusiasm about the new year like how i used to when i was a kid. Its like with each increasing year, things just become more dull. This year, the house isnt even decorated . Father's an asshole. Mother's.. i dont know. I dont like either of them. repulsed.
maybe thats why i dont feel like going home today.

{ 4:35 AM }

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I'm not suppose to take the day off. Taking the day off comes with dire repercussions..like a heavier workload in a shorter amount of time. I'm already having a tough time coping with revison and homework. Keeping that in mind, and despite that fact, i still took the day off. Unintentionally. education will not dictate my life and yes it is important but in light of today, i shifted it..erum to the bottom of the list. hurr.

my baby's sick . Its an awe how he got through today with a borderline high fever. If i were him i'd take the day off. Shows the great disparity between how committed we are. I admit i am weak. Strong in a certain field but weak in almost all areas..especially mental. I think. I lost my push somewhere in the beginning of last year. I dont know why..

So even though its valentines, all we did was bum at my place. He slept..mostly. . that fucker was like on fire.

I cant afford to fall sick this week..but somehow i wish i did..thn i could skip school and catch up at home instead. Sometimes, school is a waste of time.

Guess what, my period just came. rarh

{ 6:50 AM }

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

{ 6:08 AM }

Monday, February 05, 2007

I wish.. i could drain ur fatigue and inject it into people that talk too much, unecessarrily. By that i mean anyone who fits that catogory from the fugly bitches to the politicians with verbal diarrhoea. This is called putting something into good use. WOuldnt it be cool, if we could drain fatigue, like how it sucks us dry . Random

I was stoning in class the other day when this stupid thought came into my head. I label is stupid because i came up with a zillion counter arguments while showering that evening. Why do schools onli accept MCs that warrant someone's leave from school cos he/she is medically unfit. What if the student is emotionally unfit for school. How can we guage tt then. I mean, its stupid but not impossible. Schools are so...rigid. I agree that discipline has to be exercised but not to this stifling extent. Like other things, it needs to evolve with time. you ( as a principle) cannot root urself to the past and expect ur teenage students to walk around in appallingly long skirts and fully tucked in blouses. Its stupid. Moreover, it goes against the very skill preached by the learned. ok, i am talking cock.

lol. I just thought about the toilet thing. i am laughing. i . sound . so . goddamned. monotonous. i. am. tired.

i've not packed my stuff for tmr's timetable.

2 more minutes to eleven.

I wanna help you.

{ 6:46 AM }

Saturday, February 03, 2007

History fieldtrip :

It wasnt as boring as i anticipated. I like how they structured the tour. Apart from that awesomely cool gadget ( the automated guide) , the exhibition gave both a personal and events perspective of Singapore. I favour the personal view because we all noe the boring bland details about the war and everything. But guess what? There's more to our country than the stupid war and colonialism.

Initiation apparatus for chinese gangs

Acting all cool. It was here that i walked into a wall. lo. WHAT. THE MIRRORS CONFUSE ME

Random shit. cool retro lamp

Mmf..hung out with him after that. I like doing crazy stuff with him and not giving a fuck what anyone thinks. Yes, and that includes excessive amounts of loving in public as well as thumping our heads to disgusting techno ( blasting from the ears of some earth) in the name of mockery.

But i'm not like you. I have to wake up from this dream.

Bumped into mel on the way home. She was sitting right beside me and she didnt even noe it. Not even when i called her. haha.

thats my best friend. all smiley and ENERGETIC, so much so tt she couldt even rec me, after spending about 15 hours in school.

I wanna take a bath with you
And wash the chaos from my skin

ps/ some people blabber too much. Its not wrong (<- relative), its irksome. He's too nice to say it in ur face( now, the righteousness of that act is also relative, you being the biased one will obviously put it in a bad light), so i'll tell it to ur fucking face. Get over it. Stop ranting and obessing over something that was done with a long time ago. Moved on? when u're still mulling over the past. tsk. hard to believe. I'm not taking sides, i'm wiping the goo of ur eyes.

{ 7:22 AM }