It only takes one to slip. I am confused. Constantly battling with the beliefs of others and myself. I dont belong here.

{ 6:33 AM }

I swear to god
I wont stop
Until
You're sshhaking.
{ 3:53 PM }

{ 1:25 PM }

late nights. lonely nights.

Its 4am and i hear birds chirping. i didnt know birds woke up that early

Find it a little irritating when i crawl into bed at seven in the morning and is forced to sleep with the sound of birds chirping in the distance

Why are the chase dreams back? This time the sense of fear and anxiety is so much more palpable. And the demons have taken a more..aggressive form. Many times im so much nearer to death than i used to. Being chased my scary things, being raped , running between worlds, feeling desperate, feeling fear. what can i possibly be running from this time. I dont yearn for anyone..not particularly anyways. I dont think i'm running away from anything actually. hmmm

the clock is ticking i better get going.
{ 1:14 PM }

oh my god i cannot believe you fucked her. that face that body. shudders. thn i imagine YOU hitting her from the back. HOE GAWD!! thn i imagine her suck cock face. hahahaha cannot imagine leh. GOODNESS! but nice one la huh.
{ 10:13 AM }

Out the door
Out the door
You’ve become an intolerable bore

DisappearDisappear
Before your voice it brings me to tears

Ive always had a sweet tooth. Dont think anything can be too sweet.

I woke up late for my exam today. scared the shit outa me. But i was able to finish the paper. soo...its not that bad..

I hate exam periods because i cant go out. I have to keep human interaction to a minimal because i need to fucking mug because if i dont i'm fucked. Royally fucked. Cant wait for the 7th of may.

I feel lousy stupid lazy ugyly and disgusting.
{ 7:57 AM }

awwww...you just made me go all warm and fuzzy insideeee...
{ 9:14 AM }

Cher's birthday 'celebration' spanned two days ; friday and saturday.
Friday was about surrounding myself with people tt i love and having a JOLLY good time. i thank hanny once again for the cheebye awesome present. lets just say she helped me fulfill one of the things tt i have to do before i die. Saturday was doing what i want to do. Spending the first day as a twenty year old just the way i want; just the way i am. SO FUN. I'D DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.
{ 7:57 AM }

{ 7:58 PM }

If you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself

Because i want my birthday to be special and perfect and enjoyable to nobody but MYSELF. fuck all of you. I dont want to be weighed down by the need to appease the likes of others. I want this and this is the only way i'll have it. so please please. it has to work out. you dont want you dont like? so? i want and i like leh. HOW? It's my birthday and ill die if i want to.
{ 12:22 PM }

i didnt sleep happy last night. In fact, i sort've cried myself to sleep. stupid. whatever.

so school's over. As in tuts and lects. Had my last lecture today at 4. was home by 6 sleeping lika peeg. hurrah. I can finally live my nocturnal life w/o disruption. I want to do well this sem. But i love sleeping. :(

Just found out roy might be leaving this thursday. so fast. Was too busy to even have a proper chat with him and he might be gg off for like what six months? BOO.

I'm at a stage where i'm comfortably empty. No ups no downs no nothing. probable ups which leave me all jittery to be frank. its nothing.

Was looking thru old photos. poignant memories. Nice ones which turned sour and nasty. Used to cower away from them and flinch whenever i accidentally chance upon them. But now, now's finee. I just feel.. sad. as in i feel sad but i cant really feel the sadness. or something .
{ 1:55 PM }

A whirlwind in my tummy.

Oh. mai. god . I just smiled to myself. hana you watch out. i'm gg to annoy the shite out of you . and you can roll your eyes.
{ 12:49 PM }

Dear all, i find this public space too stifening. so for now am switching over to livejournal. pointless to disclose the url since its like 99% for friends only. World is closing in. Too many things to say involving too many people.

I dont want to be another person's dirty little secret. I'm going to tell the whole world and make them see how fos u are.
{ 3:51 PM }

sigh.
{ 1:05 AM }

SHANE LEE HAS MOVIES BABEEHHHHH. clubbed with shane and his friends. It was so fucking fun thank god i wore flats because even though i wore flats i was fucking tied by three. like srsly having stitch tired ( HAR HAR). okay. back to shane. WAH THAT GUY GOT MOVES.SRSLY. and i srsy think he danced all night. I had to go out for a break cos i was dying. thn bumped into them on the way back and their stoned shagged faces made me laugh. srsly.

Kari left to pee and i was all alone outside. nt tt it mattered cos i was stoning. Then this guy came and started talking to me. I was honestly a little afraid tt he might kidnap me ( HAHA). but thn kets called so i used his call as an excuse to shoo him off. I'M SORRIE I DIDNT GO TO SENTOSA IN THE END . AM REGRETTING A LITTLE. he's v funnie. even at 4 plus he was still tryna get us over to sentosa. lololol.

anyways BACK TO SHANE. WAH IMPRESSED. BY YOUR STAMINA AND YOUR MOVES.

okay done. pls move to my lj for a more inimate post. thnx.
{ 3:15 PM }

I hope you die
I hope some terrible misfortune befalls upon you such that you'll regret everything that you ever did . you suck i hate you.
Unappreciative.
Go grovel to her when u've got nothing next time.
{ 10:44 AM }

I love the entire NIN : GHOSTS I -IV album. listen to it when i'm stressed, listen to it when i'm troubled, listen to it when i need to concentrate. bagus!

Finished Soc's essay with surprising speed. MIGHT have to edit it though. i dont know. i abhor re-writing. Nw i'm only left with the jap one. which is alright. quite brainless. so i'm not tt worried about it. I feel tt writing is like driving. somehow. like i start off thn i get caught up and go off course and i'd have to steer/write my way back on track. i love the power of words. so malleable.

I cant seem to stop...buying things.
{ 10:40 PM }

A hungry girl is an angry girl . yes i am spoilt. i want my food. NOW!
{ 4:56 AM }

So i dreamt of you. again .
{ 10:31 PM }

Went home and crashed. Got awoken by my bladder one and a half hours later. I might not have wanted to wake up. The dream. was so fucked up and yet poignant. I've been dreaming of you lately- for the past two nights in fact.
{ 8:51 AM }

{ 2:02 PM }

Zouked with kari just now. Dont like clubbing on fridays. the music SUCKS. The four of us were so damn tired, slumped in the seats at winebar. tired as hell. It was 3.30. and kari was cheering us on. " c'mon c'mon 3o minutes left!". i cringed. But we went back in the end. Took a deep breathe and told myself i could do it. So during the last thrity minutes, the lady that pulled us back in died FIRST. i went down shortly after. the guys won. haha. assholes.

Reached home and showered. 5.30am. Instead of sleeping i opened plato's republic and began reading book X. what the fuck was i thinking. srsly. I couldnt stop reading. I could not bring myself to close the book, not before i finished reading it. AND I DID. 6.45am. so here i am. Feel awake.

need to hand up stuff in school tmr. fuck. shall mug.

Whatever man. In the end you're all dead to me.

Kari told me tt farhan got back with his ex. too bad she didnt tell me earlier or i wud not have been so cordial when i bumped into him. god i saw his ghastly face while shuffling through the crowd. it was quite horrid. He was wearing the same white top when i first met him, in zouk. I dont get guys like that. GO SHOPPING. BUY MORE CLOTHES.
{ 3:51 PM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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