......
why do ppl stop me from hurting myself...... when all dey do is hurt me.....?

[ btw. i dint do n e thing. jux wondering. ]

missyou
cantstopthinkinofu
{ 8:01 PM }

i'm neither happy nor sad..nor depressed. i dont know wht i'm feeling. all i know is tat i feel like screaming. i feel like yakking and blabering a thousand words. but not to some dead thing silly. Aye. no one's at home again. so awfully quiet. emo songs aren't helping. sappy songs wont do. cheryl is in a state of dunno-wht-to-do-ness. besides, she misses him an awful lot. its silly. but wht the hell.. like dry spells...ppl have one of those stupid days too right...? mine's just in terms of weeks. aRgh. total killer. but its fun. i like it better whtn it hurts? nAda.. not like this. no. Emotional pain's a bIatch. lols. la la la la.. wanna break free >.<

okaY..sch sch sch.. hahaha luv t0dae. -grin- onli t0dae...dont know bout next week.

i just discovered something . i realised u cant stop ur hARt from doin sth that it really really really really doesnt want u. cos it wont w0rk. maybe i'm wrong..cuZ ppl have stopped loving before. but how about loving someone u dont. is tat possible? to delude urself? funnie. it doesnt work the otha way round. ev. one's having their own lovey dovey matters. almost identical.. jux diff faCes. IGNORANCE is not bliss


if you a get a feeling the next time you see me
do me a favor and let me know'
cos it's hard to tell
it's hard to say
oh well, okAy

stubled upon this song. classic. : l
{ 7:04 PM }

Geez..monday felt like yesterday. okaY..so another week has [almost] come to past and here i am penning down my thots...unleashing my inner biatch once more.

had a fun time lifting vanx skirt. l0l~ her reaction is hilarious. but i feel bad. i shall stop doin it. i wonder if i shud disclose names when i do peeved up stuff to them. u n0e? ahh..but wTH. dont think they mind. wahahaha. -wink wlnk- i notice a trend. tues : depressed. weds : hystarical thurs : a fair concoction of both. haha. hilarious. cudn't stop laughing..but the laughter is temporary.. it expunges by inhibitions ,if only for a while. it doesnt cheer me up...as a whole . :f slgh.. i'm so stupid. . . *slaps myself

my mom was having her moods again.. she was like yelling thru the fone. on the brink of breaking. haiz. so afraid. abit mad but mostly fretful. i hate returning home to some bltch shrieking at the top of her lungs like no one's business. its disgusting. and a tad bit hurting. . but wtH. fortunately, nothing of that sort took place. onli nominal incessant rants. which i have grown used to. =)

i miss you. cant stop thinkin of u .
{ 7:04 PM }

i'm the downest of downs.
why do i get ignored?
even he's not replying me
whts happening
promises, promises, promises
all lies
*spits*

getting thru school is easy.
but once's i'm all alone at home
the thoughts simply eat me alive
it hurts.
I dont deserve this.
or do i..
Maybe
but hu cares.
whu fucking cares.
*tear

i wish you were here to
hug miee..hold miee tite
whisper in my ears
tell me everything's okay..
cos everything will be
with u arnd. ("._.)(._.")

FOr ONE LAST TIME
TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK..
I'M N0T OkAy
{ 4:24 PM }

*grin* i had a fun day sitting with clement. he talks so much, u dont even haf time to think about ya troubles! ^-^ but thn again, haha..cannot concentrate on lessons. boo. but nevERmind..cos i wudn't be able to anyways. its scaring me. i've never been able to not conc..since..like 2 yrs ag0? so ya..big thing for me. *bites nails* how how. its nice tawking with him. realli funnie..i like his stupid stupid theories that are oh-so-hilarious. taht ass got me laughing so hard early in the morn. like THAT doesnt happen. lol. sheila did too..during assembly. lol. better not share..topic quite sensitive. -shrug-

hmms... thn after school..went with sharul and mr. lameo to da stadium for nothing. lols..no regrets tho. the stadium was cooling and quiet..rather traquil if u will.. hell, u cud like have sex there are no one will know.. certified by mOi. sat there for um..say 20 mins plus? enuff time for a quickie ya. -chuckles- D'oh

well. that about sums up my day. just thot of smth.. since my birthday falls on a monday, it will llike either make or break my mood for the entire week. so be nice. =)
{ 9:43 PM }

i came online to blog my feelings out. but thn i thot to myself. i'd just be typing another entry with the same content , so wht the hell ryte. so um. jy, if u're reading dis.. um.. here's an early warning or sth. i wont be nice tmr.

cheryl's just so dumb, stupid, obstinate and foolish. she never learns. and she whine's about it. she keeps hoping, keeps denying , even when the truth's right in her fucking face. holding a pathetic glimmer of hope so tight, never letting g0. never accepting the fact all she'll ever get is disappointment.

i wasnt feeling too good last night. [ fot with my mom] and he called .. and he made everything okay. he didnt flare him or anything..i dont know wht happened, but i like him this way. want it to remain this way. but i never get wht i want. i want *blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah*.. but i never get wht i want. feel like calling him now, but the odds of him picking up its like 20 : 1 . so forget it.

it doesnt pay to be nice. ='(
{ 2:41 PM }

there's sth wrong with me. its 4 plus and my tummy's promting me to shove a meal down. i stand irresolute. tsK... shall procrastinate a lil longer. lol~. S I G H I'm bored to tears. ='( . haha.. they're having this massive Curious promo at tangs now and i'm proud to say I'VE GOT IT. nyah nyah nyah poo poo.. and that horrid bimbo bag to go with. muakiEs. ^-^. funnie.. feel like making a trip to town. walk a little. shop a little. but everyone's busy. *pout*. i thot about shopping and immaculate misery over whelmed me. haha..it seems the onli time possible is the march hols and its like 2 more weekends to g0. ARGHHH!!!!. so fucking neglected. -.-lll

so sad. Closer is m18. lol. so sad. hide and seek is out yet no one has asked me out yet. tried organising this 'class outing' [ P.R welcomed] but like ev.one's busy on the days thn ev.one's not busy. get my drifT? but i'm freee tmr leh. lolol. don dare watch it alone. lol..i rmbered i watched this movie..forgot which..not scary but veh thrilliing, i rmbered i felt like running out of the theatre. lols. bahs. bored. how. bored. bored bored bored.

oh. maybe i shud use myself as this culture experiment and let fungus grow and discover another antibiotic and patent it and grow stinkinng rich. haha. lame. not funni.. lalalala..
aites..shall update later if i haf sth to uPdate. ciaO~

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try
{ 4:30 AM }

been notably busy this week. i'm like so drained. i try to stay awake and revise but in mid drift i can feel my eye lids giving up on me. lols.. kinda disappointing. now i know how weak i am. *frown* a lil sadded but neVermind. sometimes, i dont know whether i shud peservere or just simply give up. i'm like in the middle and it doesnt feel very nice. slgH. had chem test this morn.. wasnt really interested . my mind was like so laggy. *cringe* all the while, my mind was like somewhere else. and i did the paper for the sake of completing it, so that i cud stare into space and daydream. lol..kinda funni. but nervermind..

i saw my pri sch friend jogging ytd evening. she's like so emanciated .. ok, maybe a lil exagerating but she's skinny. period. her theighs are the size of lamppposts. like wtf..u're thin enuff and your jogging? she doesnt look sporty .. so healthy living is def not on the list. bah. most of the girls [of my kls] wanna go but no one to go with. lols.

i'm like so envious of those whu went to the UK fair..its like so romantic lor.. and fun at the same time!! like u noe the jojo vid. *sheepish smile* okaY..a lil too teen bopper but i mean!! its like ultimate date man! BUT NO ONE DATE ME OUT. hrrmmppfffff.....sad. =( i wanna go to the fair, i wanna watch movies, i wanna shop...i want PSM. sighs.

oh and my parents have been coming home late.. cool. my hse is like so empty and i can do wht i want. on the other hand, it gets too quiet. kinda miserable and depressing. but i dont care. hmmm..i've been studying on my table. its fun. its nice. oh and i found this make out spot in the library. haha. its dark and no one goes there.. at the corner of the library. hehe. but whu wud make out in school. okay..there are two reasons. 1) stupidity 2) for the fun of it. so i cant say n e thing. lmao.

Mrs sng told us this really sweet story bout a north viet and north korea lovers. they fell in love about mid 20s and only got married in 50s. its like so sweet..they waited for each other. i turned to ilyas and said " u noe wht this means? it means that the status that both share doesnt matter..as long as they love each other" that bugger said sth mean. aRGGHHH...i feel like strangling him like how homer does to bart. whhhyyy uuu litttllee!!!! hahah.. kk. i'm done.
{ 4:23 PM }

*frown* teh lack of text msges and people's company has left me awfully lonesome. slgh. besides, thinking of monday further exagerbates my m0od. diping it into an all time low. -.-lll i guess promises are better left unsaid.

n e hooo...on a brighter note, i miss vanx and sheila loads. st0opid. din come on friday.. i was really itchin to bitch thn. ah wellls, i'm so replete with stuff tat i cant wait to spill em out. *chuckles* oh. this march's issue of CLEO kix ass man. its so damn hilarious ! esp the sex bloopers part. hahahah... "letting one rip" in the middle of it. etc etc. i was laughing to myself. :s and Spring's like screaminng BRIGHT PINK COLORS!! in my facE . i guess i shud go get some huh. hmmm..till the next time i go shopping. =) i can't construe why time and time again, i subdue myself to such inexorable mental , emotional torture by looking at stuff i cant [afford] to buy. i saw a fucking corset-ish thing from P.O.A. but the necklace the model was wearing did..and i was like $480. i misread and tot it was the corset at first. and i screamed. lol. silly me. i really want Stilla make up. TSK TSK. APRIL 18TH YA???hehe. and prolly Curious. new fragrance by britney. And i want berms, pants!!!!!!!! i shall be discreate and kip my waist size cladestine. Ha Ha.

oh whieeee.. cheryl studied t0dae. -grin- aft a week hiatus, i have regained the drive.

ps- mel : one day go shopping leh. spring spring spring. wheeee!!!!!!!!!. So excited

OKAY. so i'm bored..so i created a bdae list.. so waht....

1) Curious. - britney spears. i love u =)
2) Berms..
3) long sleeve shirts, v -neck. perferably those found in Seventeen
4) Ryan Cabrera Cd
5) Make up (vibrant color's please) preferably in a pallete with alot of colors. hehe
6)B-L-E-N-D-E-R
7) deep purple nail paint.
8) Anna Sui sstuff. not her. her stuff. wahahaha
9)Body shop stuff.
10) goth doll. =)

get em for me and i will love u. wahahahaha. jkjk.
{ 8:08 PM }

heys...went orcahard a while ago.. got like 4 Cds..like whoa-sie...wanted to get more but i was kinda short of cash. lets see...wanted to get Thursday..but so freaking expensive..wanted to get elliot smith..once again..too ex.. but the shittiest part of it all was tat i forgot to buy ryan cabrera. *cringe* yes. sappy me here. it only struck me after i got home..while watching MTV and i was like.. "SHIT" sighs oh wells. now i have like Kasabian, Placebo, Him and um..YES. my chem romance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lying on the table. ehehehehehe.... cool. *grin*

yeah. and i'm like so fucking tired. weared out. exhausted. beat. *frown* oh. and broke. aHks. i mizZzZ EuU. >.<

Singing songs that make you slit your wrists
It isn't that much fun
Staring down a loaded gun
So I won't stop dying
Won't stop lying
If you want
I'll keep on crying
Did you get what you deserve?
Is this what you always want for me?
{ 11:25 PM }

*slaps myself* i'm such an ass. there's sth wrong with mIe.. i'm like unusually m0ody these past few weeks. aRgghhhh... but gud news for friends, i did not vent it [not much] on n e one t0dae. whieeeee. ^-^ must celebrate. control control. hmms. i cudn't sleep last nitEs..hahahaKS..woke up at three..went back to lala-land at 5. thn didnt wanna wake up at 6. d'oh. *blush* wwaRt. =pPp kks..thn went to sch with a smile, high spirits and all tat gay happy crap. but it slowly died down since nothing interesting took placE... yeah. sIGh. borreed. nothing much t0dae. just alot of maths, alot of frowning. tried to smile. did. for a moment. =) hehe..Belephant. haha. =x so weird. like diff between my mood during the first period and the last was so stark. sad. even worse when i got home. actually..cud be worse. hahaha no one at home. so me and the four walls again. made like fish fillet sandwich for myself. yum yum. took a bathe and drowned myself in eMo. >.< pathetic . fUct. angry. sad. apprehensive. lonely. miserable. boooooooooo.

hmm. this sec 1 girl talked to me aft school. while waiting for 945. i found it a lil hilarious. so sociable. like waaaah. i look so friendly. hEH. ^_^ but i wasnt innah friendly mood. grrrr. this kinda shit always happens u noe? i meaN..the opposite of wht u want. haha. my like entry is like so fucking coded. dumbfucks remain clueless. -grin- thats a gud thing.

lardidums. *fr0wn* caught a glimpse of tang staring at me as she walked past. the image tickled my funny bone. cos she wore black todae and it felt like this 'chao tah' fishball with big scary eyes. rolling after me. ahhhhhh. so scared. .. D'oh!. ='(

update:

hmms. just a short one. i feel better now. after taking a stroll round my neighbourhood in the aft. kinda st0opid. cos i had no where to go. so i walked to the provision shop, just to get a lollipop. -.-llll. silly. d'oH. anyways, had dinner with parents at CDANS. i was kinda put of by the small vacinity from my hse tho..i luv travelling looonng distances. dont ask me why. the f0od wasn't tat appealing either. to compound things, they only catered dessert for 6 ppl or more.. wht is this??? neVermind. hmms. thn went to wm get my new contacts, after which for a car wash before heading home. =) . the whether was so breezy and the sky contained just the right concoction of etheral blue and orange. hmmm. speaking of scenery, i am reminded of the pic markk took . daNg.. its like so purrfect. nono.. so melacholic. sth like a grey morning. damp, cold grey morning. but that never happens in sG. -.-l

oh. righto. the sole purpose of updating. i was wondering. just pondering. just thinking. whtS the most comfy things u all like to wear to beD??? haha. must rmb to ask them tmr. always wondered cos i believe wht u wear to bed plays a part in how well u slp. hahahaha. like if wht u wear makes u feel gud thn u'll go to bed happi..right? hahaha. well yea. weird cheryl thinkin again. -grin- okay.. happy CNY ppl.

{ 9:00 PM }

bah. in the past..fridAys were fun and realaxing..but now, fridays are like so draggy and tiring. arGh.... sKu was alright. i didnt lose my temper...i think. cos i brot my stress haRt. ^_^ lol..jy kept playing with it. u noe, i managed to see thru his one of his chaR. He likes to fiddle with things aNd not return them to the owner . Oh. i got a lil upset with them for not taking care of my nail buffer. it went to school clean, white and new..by the end of the day, it was dirty, and used. so digusting. suddenly seemed so odious w0tev. i mean... the least u ppl cud do is to take care of it right.. i dont blame them but its kinda upsetting to see my buffer return in such a sorry state. lols. oh wells =) u noe what? li ting beat me in chem test! i'm not discriminating her or loooking down or whtever okaY, but i felt a little inferior. c0s cheryl keeps losing. sighs. remind me of my stupid cousin. idiot lar. nono..not his fault. stupid parents. kip comparing me with him..okAY, i know he aCES everything. good for him. hMpf. i'm not guna sulk and bitch about him. but in life..u cant be the best of both worlds la huh.

righto. on to SP open hse. lols. it was so weird man. felt like a sec 1 again, going thru boothes and taking tons of brochures. felt like a dork u noe. walking with a handful of pamphlets. -.-llll thn got dragged to this dunno wht enginerring place and it was SO BORING. the tour guide was so passive. -.-lll and that is totally not my field i tell u. so sci n tech. -.-lllll thn saw this guy wearingso formal with a mawhawk. not bad eH..but his face cannot make it. lol. hair nice. face not nice = no use. wahahahhahh =x kkS... thn went to find col. hahahaha got him to get us a carrier. -grin- thnx ar. so funni . i think i annoyed him abit. cos i kept asking so mani qns. but not my fault mar..must ask ryte??? even tho some qns are out of point. -chuckles- but he was entertianing. ^-^ felt like talking to him more but didnt wanna bother him. lol..so yea. thn before we went home, we went to the dunno wht maritime thingy. okay, maybe its just me but the name gave me an impression of dolphins. WHAT. ok. thn found out the course was like a totally diff thing. hahahaha.... but i think thats the best eVer . the tour was enriching. not like others. s0 monotonous. got to ''drive'' a ship. lols. yEAh..so fun fun.

came home totally enhausted. and here i am... and u noe what? i luv pillows. =]]]]]]

Your body gives
But then holds back
The sun is bright
The sky is black
Can only be another sign
I cannot keep what isn’t mine


{ 8:01 PM }

guys are so insensitive. guys are so thick. guys are so DUMB. t0dae it was luv sick dae for us girls. lol. we were like bitching, yakking depressing about it after school. and the conversation is endless actually, cos u noe girls, we just keep on going on and on and on about it. -wink wink- sIGh. so depressing i tell u. no m0od at all. actually got... kept laughing sporadically. kinda funnie cos vanx is just so damn blur. like mel. feel like strangling her sometimes but its all cool..

like why must their reply be so one wordy? Its like so irritating. we type one whole chunk and all we get is a "haha" or "okaY" grrrrr.....

i nid anger management. i nid to go IMH. but i'm afraid if i go there, they'll lock me up forever -cringe- i am like really mentally unstable sometimes, hell unstable. like crazy.oh well. sigh. u noe? S-I-G-H- suckaY....i felt like killing sometime, strangling somebody during recess. my face was like charcoal man. its not their fault. just felt taht way. i need my stressball... i neeed.. aRgh.. you. =)

lardidums. i'm so tired. byeee...blog next time.. oh i still wanna go shopping.

{ 9:20 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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