{ 6:45 AM }

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. SOMEONE STOLE MY NOTEBOOK SOMEONE STOLE MY NOTEBOOK. THE ONE I USE TO WRITE ALL MY ANSWERS FOR THE CHEM QUESTIONS I DID. SOMEONE STOLE THEM. CAN U FUCKING BELIEVE IT????????

i'm not anguished about the lost of the book. hell it only cost like 4 bucks. and i'm not anguished about looking the book because they're full of my mistakes and the questions and answers are all in the revision package. -.-llll rather i am so fabberghasted and amused at the mental incompetence of the thief!!!!! hana can testify that i lost it cos the table was empty when we left. how stupid can u get. wanna steal also dunno WHAT to steal. therefore i conclude, i geek stole it. a mothafucking geek. and i shud be flattered that u stole it from me.

OMMG LIKE ZOOMMMGGGGGG .
unbelievable!
{ 7:29 AM }

ytd was a novelty. I dont think he yelled at me this much before. typical scenario. the girl was crying over the fone the guy was yelling at her to hang up. hurts alot. I think i shud be commended for hanging on that long. i think i was more afraid of being on my own.

am i selfish?

whats the point of being in a relationship if i can be on by own. whats the point of being with you when i dont need you?

self sufficiency negates all reasons to be relient to any degree on anything. that is my stand. and i think its absolute. Me, maybe its just me. yes i know what you're thinking its just me. I dont want to me those couples that treat each other nothing more than just an past time . its so..degratory . like they're not even in each others life.

He told me not to need him so much.
i didnt know what to say.

He said that if i needed him badly, i could wait.
but i thought, if i waited till tmr, thn i wud have gotten over it and i wouldnt need you any more

reality bites. we're all the same. we make honeyed promises at the beginning. I'll never forget when u came all the way here just to spend 5 mins with me. I love the past. maybe more than the present. i know u do to. hate to admit i knew this day would come. i knew it. right from the start. yet i chose to walk this path so i cannot blame anyone else other than myself for it.

Today felt so awkward. pretending that last night didnt happen. pretending you didnt say all those stuff. i guess its not worth mulling about. you love me. i know you do .

i'm sorry for whatever wrong i did.

its just my obstinate refusal to change. because i am so weak. and no one said it better than whoelse. those words hit my squarely in the head. I'm weak. am now, always will be.


i'm drowning.
save me?
only you can save yourself
i cant
you have no choice
thn just let the waters take me
i wont
{ 7:14 AM }

this fragility is killing me. I'm sorry for (grossly) misunderstanding you. Somehow.. i'm still a little skeptical. but nevermind it prolly is just me. thats how i am. Really.. dont lie to me.

I dont know why i called you. i had nothing to say. didnt mean to hang up. i couldt speak.

i dont kknow how you feel about me. i cant feel it. Its my fault. stop deluding yourself.

i'm not making sense

i wanna be like them. would you love me more if i was like them?
{ 9:35 AM }

i FINALLY found the reason behind his crankiness. my poor boyfriend had 4 ulcers in his mouth. if i had them i'd just be as cranky. honest. insecurity whispered nasty things again. its probably nothing. i'm glad u dont feel the same way as i do. you were so sweet today . i love you. could you be like that forever?

you're not alone
{ 9:07 AM }

Maybe it was nothing more than the itch to bitch. A insatiable urge to be spoilt..for a while. Deluding myself under the unreasonable reason partly funded by my permanat companion-insecurity, that its been a while since i ..well acted like myself. me, over bearing, over controlling? more like...assertive. Its not like i want to be. certaintly not. i'm not. lets detract a little, look waht happens when i let u get away with things. silly things in ur opinion, but irritatingly provocative.

and..i harp on things because i want them resolved. I want to elave every stone unturned and walk away from that patch. and i willstand rooted and keep running on the spot until thn.

SO frickin shaky today. and thn stress joined insecurity and they whispered nasty things in my ear. I guess all who know me know that i'll never but noone knows me better than myself. dont love the feeling of that..scary sense of freedom knowing that life is in your hands? no amt of parental authority can stop you from taking ur life away. i love that feeling. that sense of freedom. its like being able to whirl around 360 degrees without bumping into n e thing.

lappy's dying. gtg.
{ 6:11 AM }

" when was the last time something interesting happened to us?"
" err..* censored censored censored (mature content : gore)"

that doesnt count =( while i have no intentions on deliberately cooking up some drama, looking back, those turbulent times albeit heart breaking, added spice to what we had- memorable.I remember the icantlivewithoutyou days, scary. i'd get so jittery and paranoid without him. I think that sparked the movement away from him. to be less..attatched to us. Not in a bad way..just more independent. there are pros and cons to everyhing. and though this emot vacuum has allowed me to conc on my studies, it has also left me more distanced ( duh yes i noe) from him. It doesnt feel the same. It feels safe. too safe . ( and no i have no intentions on pushing the marker away from the mark)

i'm hungry. I think i lost weight. I wonder why. ITs not like i cut down on food. I dont have the appetite. really.

sigh sigh. the clock is ticking. i dont think i'll make it.
{ 7:54 AM }

He reached my place at 12 last night. I was angry. But I was to preoccupied with my studies to start a fight with him. I was mad initially, as you can infer from the previous post, but after a while i just smiled. hA. didnt really get a good nights rest. My desperately needed slumber was sporadically interupted by failed attempts at youknowwhat. This time it was my fault. sorrie :l slept at one, woke up at four, thn five thirty, seven..eight. Met sha and half past nine for study.

Caught the fireworks dispplay at esplanaduu at night. ouh my gosh. there was an EXODUS of people. a crowd is a understatement. A start difference compared to..like 2 years ago! well it was awesome. just ike any firework display. i love the shimmer and the sparkles and the defeaning booms. and how the colors light up the sky and have that 3d effect. i dunno. love em.

damn tired ok bye




{ 9:46 AM }

the week is over and i feel less than relieved. He was being such a fucker today. period. I noticed that guys are beginning to behave worse than girls. they are so melodramatic, exaggerating things, acting like a mfing girl. Bitching about other ppl just because u received more resp thn u should. what about the humble and nobleness than once resided in your kind? and just because you feel stressed doesnt grant you more freedom to do wahtever you want. fucker

You leave me alone and disallow me to hang out with anyone without a vagina. I dont comprehend the reason behind it. regardless of how passionate your stand it because it limits my freedom and that is my number one pet peeve. so go on and do wahtever the fuck you want. i lived without you this whole week. A faint but promising encouragement that being on my own is not an imposibility.

Dont say i didnt come to you.
{ 6:07 AM }

Mosquitos are horny bitches. They always choose their hunting spots and kinky regions of the body, where the skin is supple and soft ( Eg. INNER THEIGH,lower back.. NIPPLES..) whats worse is the psychological hand called shame that pulls you back from patronizing that fucking itch.

HI I AM BLOGGING NOW. STUPID U DISRUPT MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT I HAVE GO OFF NOW. boyfriend says : boyfriend angry.
{ 8:16 AM }

“The little mermaid knew this was the last evening she should ever see the prince, for whom she had forsaken her kindred and her home; she had given up her beautiful voice, and suffered unheard-of pain daily for him, while he knew nothing of it. This was the last evening that she would breathe the same air with him . . . ; an eternal night, without a thought or a dream, awaited her.”
—Hans Christian Andersen, “The Little Mermaid” (1836)


Triton [the sea king, and father of the young mermaid Ariel]: “She really does love him, doesn’t she, Sebastian?”
Sebastian: “Well, it’s like I always say, Your Majesty. Children got to be free to lead their own lives.”
Triton: “You always say that? Then I guess there’s just one problem left.”
Sebastian: “And what’s that, Your Majesty?”
Triton: “How much I’m going to miss her.” [At that he turns his daughter into a human and she immediately goes to the prince. They kiss and are soon married, making everyone very happy.]
—Walt Disney Pictures, The Little Mermaid (1989


I prefer the former. so much more fairy tale. to me at least.
{ 8:16 AM }

i wanna do something..i wanna make a statement. That i disapprove of her actions. surely, voicing it out would be the least troublesome, least destructive, most efficient route to take but..we just dont do it this way. Maybe, i'm just finding an excuse to do something deviant. because i've been itching to add some spice to my life for too long. I miss the rash and angsty days. Where i stood up for what i believed in and spoke my mindd and did things just because i wanted to. i cared less and that sorta made my life more interesting . Living life like a sine curve is much more worth living thn living it linear. SO MATH. hur hur hur.

Digression :

ZOMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG THE LITTLE BOOOOOIIIIIIIIII THAT APPROACHED US TODAY WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND GOOD LOOOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he kept peering at us from across the table. I dont know what attracted him , tho sha may like to contend that is was her presense ( or whatever haha) , i think it was the candy floss. and he didnt dare say hi! so he dragged his dad along with him. and he was holding a teddy bear!! with no name!! oh right . his name is mathew. SO CUTE!!!! ommmmmmmggggggggg.
{ 7:30 AM }

time flies. Days seem so short. Time is running out.

I feel like i'm leading double lives, one in reality and the other in my dreams. Its like when i drift off to sleep at night i walk out of the real world and enter another one. The situations are all different but the gist of matters are essentially the same. How i feel about things, how i view things. Such feelings and perceptions manifests itself it my dreams and its bewildering and scary . It leaves me wondering if what i feel or the magnified feeling is.. genuine/real. Or is everything just an illusion, that the amplified version of my thoughts is not a reinforcement, a confirmation about..my feelings. because if they are then i am truly afraid and disappointed..and afraid.

If we feel disconnected thn both of us are to be blamed. His projects, my exams. I felt so plauged by all that confusion i kissed him, hoping to feel that vulnerability, that weird tummy flip feeling or even a modicum of euphoria. Show me how much you love me, i think i really really really need to feel it. but u're tired all the time . And u always say the wrong thing just when i start getting what i so desperately need to push all thought fuctup thoughts away.

nobody but you love.
{ 6:37 AM }

I found today's wide range of carreer talks very..enriching. I have a clearer picture, a less misty view of the path i wanna take. I know for sure i'm definately not going any business school ( perhaps its just bad marketting on the part of that SMU representivie who claims that smu grads are extremely valued in the businesss sector) " thn how come u're giving such an awful dull presentation ?" i retorted. in my head. ha. She was decked in a smart businessey outfit. Gee, i've never worn anything more formal thn .. i dont have any thing formal in my closet. serious.

On the surface, the different carreers may seem so deeply polarised. On closer analysis however, what they have in common is more thn what sets them apart. All of the carreers requires confidence and talent. not so much of specialization but..aptitude and passion of course. It was never more emphasied . And ii'm so inspired that i will work my ass off to get into the school i want. so inspired and hungry and impatient that my mind has become a blur, thinking more about the future than concentrating on the smaller goals. so worried and determined. a sorry concoction of emotions. the former pulls me down while the other stretches my limits - they cancel each other out.

I love writing. My grades dont show it..but i love writing. How?

Our day to day interaction has took a gradual plunged to the level of interaction with my parents, which is just as much interaction denise would have with a gorilla. I was mad, but not as mad as i would be a few months back. shrugged, said whatever,if this is what you want.

haiss. fuck you.
{ 7:09 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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