Sweet dreams are made of me

Monday, December 31, 2007

I was watching miss something pageant on tv. i noiced that the stage had circles to guide the contestants where they shud head or head to once their names are called. At first i thought that those little circles loooked cool. thn it hit me . like how dumb can these girls get? that they need markings in the form of large golden circles to tell them where they shud stand and proceed next. :s funny

last day of the year. borrring. i have an urge to say goodbye to 2007 with a BIG BANG. because it sucked. 07 really sucked. there was no life ( A levels), fucked up fights with my boyfriend ( which often leads to great make up "sessions"), my family broke down ( tacitly). ouh mah gawd. i hate 07 . and i feel like partying. and hana feels like partying. and i'm gg CAMPING. i dunno what we're gunna do man. SIGH!!!

ok i need to bathe. bye

{ 2:16 AM }

Saturday, December 29, 2007

I want to go back to my roots. can someone like invite me to a gig pls . laughs

{ 7:50 AM }

Thursday, December 27, 2007

..sometimes you say things that cut deep. you're unaware because your ego makes you think that you're right. you're not. i dont think you are. i surprised myself by lying to you i was alright when in fact i was fuming inside. i mulled about it . grit my teeth at it. rolled my eyes a countless times about it..and thn i realised. there's no need. because everything..what u say, what you wanted me to feel ..were all just an effort to coerce my opinions to concur with yours. everything boiled down to a simple childish egoistic act of gaining dominance. If you want submission you wont have it. not unless i'm willing to give. In this case, you can have it for ur petty efforts. u can take it. But my opinions, likes and dislikes remain grounded to what i believe it. No matter how much opposition you put up against me. no matter how awful you make me feel. because you are not the first. you are not the first dick to make me feel this way.

Tonight i was the one calling. ..and u didnt answer.

laughs. and i'm supposed to feel bad.

{ 7:44 AM }

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

i feel awful. should i be feeling awful? i feel awful. do you want me to feel awful. well i feel awful. He called me a while ago and lost it when he found out tt i was hanging out with darius. i was like

He has never blown up before. this is his first. And though it is because of what i did, now you noe how i feel. yes dear, i felt like that on christmas eve. worse. actually. and its stupid because to me and from whatever you read, i was angry. i was angry with you.

you called me tonight and i was elated because i think i can count with my hands the no. of times u actually took the initiative to call me first.

i'm not your world. i was never your world. just a building . and now i feel like i'm indebted to you in some way, i wonder if its right. cause and effect. where were you? did you think of what you did. how often do you call first. how often do you reply my messages. how much effort do u use to make me feel loved. its not 'oh cheryl was being a whore' moment. it wasnt.

But you're my world. whether you want to or not. you're on the top of my list even tho i'm at the bottom of yours. so spin me around. throw me around. hit me slap me. i wont fight..at least till i'm pretty sure im right.

i sort of walked into a bus. only to move away at the last minute. the driver was looking at me.

{ 6:45 AM }

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I spent christmas ..in bed. fighting.fucking. crying. awesome.

i think my mother's stealing money from me again. i think she's stealing like my whole bank account. i shall ask for my bank book tmr. sigh.

does it even matter if i disappear from the face of the earth. i dont have much friends so its not that bad. they're not even here. dont know where they are. busy with their own lives. doesnt matter if i'm gone. really. "what about me?" they'd say. well where the fuck were you. ask urself that.

i shall stop frowning at the world as if they owe me. no one owes me. i am my own life right. i'm sick of my life. and i actually wished u did kill me. i might even have smiled.

listening to metal heart by garbage. i actually laughed .

I want to be dependable I want to be courageous and good
I want to be faithful so that I can be heroic and true
I want to be a friend you can rely on you can lean on and trust
I want to understand so i can forgive and be willing to love

(LOL yea i wish)

I wish I wasn't flesh and blood
I would not be scared
Of bullets built with me in mind
For then I could be saved

My sweet love take care of me for I think I'm done
Kiss my mother on her cheek and lay my burden down
Lay my burden down

{ 7:10 AM }

Monday, December 24, 2007

i'm sitting in the living room. crying my heart out. scratching myself. lasping into one of those shitty moments. all boyfriend can sae is i'll message you. rolls eyes. as if that can help. i'll come in the morning. yeah chuck cheryl aside and deal with her later. moses is giving me some stupid prep talk. yeah all i need is to feel worse about myself right now.

{ 11:32 AM }

Fucking hell. I'm so glad i did whatever i did. cos u deserved it. you fucking deserved all of it.

{ 11:13 AM }

Saturday, December 22, 2007

i can finally use internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THANKS TO MY EMO GEEK BOYFRIEND WHOM I LOVE SO VERY MUCH. *nods vigorously*

we were walking home this afternoon when i suddenly slapped myself. thn i slapped myself again. OUH MY GOD.

{ 4:09 AM }

Friday, December 21, 2007

okokok so interesting right. hahahaah ytd was so fickle i tell u. we were supposed to go mos but aud had her periiod and many ppl cudnt make it. as such we (mostly audrey) decided to go drinking in stead. i think we spent alot ytd. as a whole. First we went to clinic. had some blood bag shots or whatever. BUT IT WAS ONLY TEN SO THE HOT NURSES WERENT THERE YET. thn aud's friends came. went to the riverside to lepak. i didnt talk much because i dont think there was much to talk. but matthew was entertaining. and i thought her not mat but look mat friend was..mat. thn ian and nathan came. . and her other friends left. and then AUDREY decided to go clubbing. so we went. to. the arena. laughs laughs laughs. HAHAHAAH . thn we went out to buy some drinks. lepaked at the riverside again. thn we went back in. to get some drinks.drink drink drink. i'm not sure if i was high. i really really dont think so leh.

sso funnie i tell u. the perf was so whack. horny black rapper whu cudnt stop doing thrust dance moves. and we shoved hana on stage. LOL. BUT SHE WAS HOT.see see i got picture to show

i hate hana's cam. its like i can NEVER take nice shots with that cos her flash is always so damn bright. look so fuctup. haiz

i have self esteem issues. I know i probably or maybe rightfully shudnt but i think i am ugly. ok maybe not all the time but most of the time.i think i am ugly. believe that u're not. i cant. beauty comes from within. there's nothing beautiful about my inside. tell me. somebody? i am ugly. so so ugly. maybe thats why i feel ugly. i am not making sense

anyway headed to bed at 7 in the morning. woke up all jittery at 9. i think its the cigs. i think i smoked too much ytd. i'm not sure. my feet all jumping. my voice is raspy.

there's smthing going on at homeclub on sunday. feel like bringing boyfriend. but that stubborn boy wouldnt..its so frustrating. i miss gg gigs with him.

oh oh oh and whu can forget about virgin clubber! whatever the fuck his name is. he's so cute i tell u. frim vj still take so LONG to memorise ic no.

ok..like..i was abit red uhh. everyone said i was high but i seirously dont know. well. i woke up this morning gg OUH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK. which i think indicates tt i was nt conscious of myself last night. which leads to the conc that i was totally sober last night. ok lor. i was high last night.

{ 6:52 PM }

Saturday, December 15, 2007

im still not able to use the internet at my place. . so i'm pretty muich living off other people's internet for now. This week has been quite uninteresting. work work. home home. nothing much. I think i had dinner with hana on monday or tuesday. thn went swimming. thn saw a bat and PAUL TWOHILL. hahhahaha thn..went out with sheila and hana and aud. hahahah she is so super funnie. i cannot wait to pass the fireball do the dragon and the bull and the spraycan thing. HURRR

friday was boring. although TGIF but i think all of us were too tired/stoned to do something eventful. all we did was eat and talk . which was all i needed.

n e ways, SATURDAY WAS BORFRIEND DAY!!! so exciting. but ended up doing nothing as well cuz there were simply too manny ppl in town to walk around and it was raining . bought quite alot of things. dear bot ANOTHER tuck on. but he looks ncier in this one. more gay. i think he finds me annoying. cos i'm almost constantly gg on and on about how hot he'll look in this and that. WHICH HE WILL. stubborn .

i just farted.

my stomach feels funnie.

i'm cold

we were lying in bed and he said the most shocking things to me and did things that he normally wudnt do. like nag me to stop surfing the net to spend time with him ( o.O) and when we were on the bed he started kissing me all over, wich was like the sweeetest thing ever. and he told me how much he loved me. which is rarely does. i was so shocked. . and slightly bewildered. hurr. thn i started to tear. i felt like a total asshole. which i am. thn we tried to fuck. but i didnt have the moood cos i was feeling so shitty and suddenly sex had become repugnant.

ouh my god cher what were u THINKING. i wasnt i wasnt. i was. i wasnt.

i think he's the bestest boyfriend ever. so corny i know.

{ 3:54 PM }