Wednesday, September 28, 2005
i feel hurt. hurthurthurthurhturhurthurthurthurt. And for the first time inna while , i impute the blame to my mother . i told her my results ; only to receive abhorrent querulous spiteful demeaning remarks. she doesnt know it hurts, and i think she doesnt care. but a " i believe u did ur best" or a word of encouragement wud be nice. i dont think anyone has ever said that to me in fact. how...pathetic. self -reliance gets a little lackluster at times. she 'rejoices' about my grades with a spoonful of sarcasm , working under the premise that everything in me is undoubtly a failure. while her side of the family are bright, brilliant, intelligent kids. hais. i'd like to say i dont care what she thinks. but she's my fucking mother for goodness sakes. like it or not, her opinion counts, and beats all others.

Never once has she believed in me. she cant work on reverse psychology forever. my life has been driven by the stark label of the black sheep and while i've sunken in so deep that it has become comfortable, nothing beats pulling out of this rancid mentality-the bane of my existance.

{ 7:49 PM }

Saturday, September 24, 2005
i'm a compulsive shopper. i love it. my distaste for MNG is potent. but not enuff to steer me away from buying their clothes. LoL. its has gotten ABIT over rated. anways. i kinda regret. cos by the time i reached GUESS, i .. only had enuff for dinner. but thats irrelevant considering the fact tat i was out with my relatives, so they wud be paying for my share. hehe . swept thru 3 malls clean . i attribute this to my cousin, she's mad i tell u .

oh . and t'dae was my virgin walking arnd the fountain of wealth. i felt so inane and stupid and embarrassed. ppl actually wait in line to stretch their hands into the miniature mass of fountains while gg in circles thrice. like how stupid is that.

i ate alot too.
=(

not as tho i had a choice. but..i particularly enjoyed dinner ; at some jappo restaurant. cos.. there was this super kawaii waiter. AHHH! i was grinning myself silly. gulping down my gls of green tea just so he cud refill it for me. hehehehehe. i shall name him mr teaboy. HEHE. -cheeky laugh- i sweared under my breath when i saw a ring on his finer. =) tralalalala

at least, this shopping trip + family outing took my mind off things. clement is a great friend. ^_^ not that u all arent la.. <- thot i shud add this . cos i noe a maelstrum of grievances are imminent. well, i need a new book to read. maybe i shud try romance. any recomendations ?

If this is what you want
Then this is what you'll get
and i am not sorry
i am not sorry
this is what
you deserve

{ 10:04 PM }

Thursday, September 22, 2005
He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
If I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
He's magic and myth
He's strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
But do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end, he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Such a beautiful disaster

you know its you i'm talkin about.

{ 5:18 PM }

Friday, September 16, 2005
hmms. its been a while since i last blogged. well, i'm done for prelims. as in. goner. Fighting a lost battle and all that crap. i think my english's done. well. everyone's is. cephy for the good ones. which excludes me for sure. since i screwed my p1 ( in my rekoning) which is in correlence to the marker's point of view. For the first time i did the papers w.o confidence. like what the fuck happened to me? studies aside

i bot i cool shirt at far east today. * gr inn* and its hellacool. BUT I LIKE THE OTHER ONE BUT THEY DIDNT HAVE MY SIZE COS ITS FOR MEN. why no girl verison?!!?!?!?! biased! i will not be steered. i settled for another shirt with a girl in the middle which looked smth like neversweet.

oh ya. mark's a funnie person. hi beeper. ^_^




{ 10:58 PM }

Saturday, September 10, 2005
Got a couple of WHAT THE FUCK?! moments in a short span of 2 hrs.

1. HILARY DUFF'S DATING JOEL MADDEN?!?! (okay. thats like a month's old news) they're so mismatched!!!! she's this pretty plastic poppy thinggg and she gets the dark one. oh bullshit. she was totally showing him off at the VMA's la.. bah.

2. MISS KAUR FAILED ALOT OF SCRIPTS
howhowhowhowhowhwohwow?!!?!?

-
I went studying with ilyas and clement this aft at JE lib. those 2 cudn't stop talking. did they even get n e thing in their head? maybe. lols. they began searching for AHEM pictures in pedo's fone. so funnie. wahts that name..tracy valentine? lolol. bah. caught The Cave. its a nice movie..the suspense lvl is medium but shock factor was close to null. BUt definately more interesting than tale of 2 sister. omigosh. i stayed up till 2 watching that boring movie. the ghost element shudn't even be in the movie. Its because its known as a 'ghost movie' that ppl have such high hopes . but gotta commend the creative filming. i know many will disagree. ahh heck
oh oh! i'm an environmental activist. -chuckles- i got praise for rejecting a carrier at Guardian. hehehahahahohohohoho

{ 8:22 PM }

Thursday, September 08, 2005
i dreamt of him last night. it surprised me quite abit i didnt wake up screaming. i dont rmb much..just that we were having dinner at some restaurant. he ordered some..prawn pasta thing. and i had some fish thing. and he-being the gentleman that he is, waited for my dish to arrive. but it was like 1 hr late. i kinda stormed into the kitchen and yelled and thm chefs before running away in tears to the restroom. SOMEHOW, he found me seated in a cubicle. head burried in my balms. and offered me a spoon of blueberry yoghurt. HMMm..now whats wrong with that? i woke up forlorn . =( i hope tonight's dream is sweeter . actually. i dont wanna dream/think of him at all. hurhur. i luv him and i hate him. i want him yet i dont wanna be with him.

i like the ambiguity of 'him' and 'he' ya'll nv know whu i'm talking about. see, that person may be you but u cant fucking work on that surmise now can u? HAHA. sad. the clever ones will know. i think i shud label. or something. i'm sucha freak. wootz.

mel's coming over later n i'm teaching her math. hurhur. i'm so fucking worried for social studies on monday..i'm afraid i'll panic and blank out. totally. i'm addicted to bohemian raphsody by constantin[e]. SKALAMUSH SKALAMUSH. hahahahah



Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

{ 9:03 AM }

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
i was this close to ripping my hair off when i found out social studies prelims are... less than 5 days away. but i didnt. cos he has a thang for messy hair . And i'm not exactly keen on burning his eyes but my sexy baldie scalp. that night, i jumped around and did stretches with my hoodie on in my room, reciting s.s facts religiously like some raving idiot. but i had fun. it was fun. cosy, comfy fun. thn i did maths till 1 before sleep. haha.

i love nights. windy and hopeful. -cringe-

{ 1:33 PM }

Sunday, September 04, 2005
i finally finished reading Live Bait last night. i find books about murder and acriminous acts intriguing. Not so much on the gruesome details..but more bout e process of discerning the killer. i find myself getting smarter after each book. -silly grin- perhaps it perks the mind up. yees. exercise for my cerebrum hemispheres. i guess they need it- something new instead of the mundane, the humdrum of feeding and processing knowledge.
Ah. this gives me an excuse to 'pop' down the bookstore to pick up another book! haha. i love reading.

In light of tmr's english prelims, i'm trying my best to free my mind. because there's this irritating song verse resounding in my mind, replaying over and over again. ricocheting against the walls repeatedly. driving me nuts. if only i, had the chance. you'll be completely accepting something else. free my mind. free my mind. Nagging thoughts and querulous song verses wont do.

Thoughts aside. Feelings boxed up -not discarded- but dissolved.subdued. Time to remain focussed.

my humanities subject feel painfully neglected

{ 10:38 PM }

Saturday, September 03, 2005
OMIGOSH!!!

I'M JUST SO FUCKING D.U.M.B.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{ 12:14 PM }

Friday, September 02, 2005
woOoOoOo *waves both hands in the air like anna nicole smith* happy belated teachers day ya'll! (which ironically, ended on a sour note) teh performers were awweesoommeee. the four of us were virtually mesmorized by the performers. especially the guys. man. its so unfair. all they hafta do is start singing or play some stupid instruments and they'll have girls licking their feet/building a shrine for them. justin has a great voice. thomas can sing . faDDur. LoL! I had an awesome time hollering and jeering . i think i got a little too high. *chuckles*

After the jovial , heartfelt singing of Lean on me, we headed back to class. oh shit. thats wht i thot when i saw him. i'm so touched by Ssamo's empathy. =) but seriously. it sucks piss. ohwell. whatever. i'm not guna lie, i was delirious seeing her that aggitated with all that went wrong. maybe just a tinge of sympathy ..but -shrug- mostly devious, cunning, spiteful euphoria. i know she didnt derserve it. but on my account, she damnwell did! *Evil laugh* sighh. i'm still afraid of his gaze. dunno why.

hmmm..i guess. waht u give u get return. i think karma got e better of me - i left my keys at home. yeah. the only time i wna spend some time alone at home . watched hse of wax there. hahah..its gross.. and..ate alot. ooh. smth cropped up and..guess whaT? we're doing belated cards for our teachers! hehe. i felt a lil guilty abt e stoic absence . i admire lien. she's so not angsty and cares for ppl. she's a good person. thats SINCERE.

oh yea..studied at orchard lib with vanx, lien and mark ytd. i must say, the waiter is gorgeous! overall,(wah. so fast summery already. =p) it was great. even tho i onli managed to complete 1 paper.

oh yea. posted some new pics. i left the nicest one out. =p

I've tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you're comin' from
I don't care
As long as you love me


awwww

{ 5:46 PM }

Neversweet*

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be
Loves

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary
Dont look back

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