Monday, May 30, 2005
MY LEGS HURT. hey. after walking the expo hall thrice...body's gotta feel the strain man. lols. hmmm..there were like. . eight of us. yea. travel all e way to expo t0 practice some singapore traits.. absolute-kiasuness! go go go!! someone rationalled that the hall wud be quite empty since its a working day and all. but oh. we forgot the old aunties and uncles . the epitome of kiasu.. the guru of stealing samples..the dalai lamai of crowd jostling. we kids mosh and crowd surf..they crowd jostle.. hip man.. and of all the stalls.. POLAR was the most civilised. their cashies were well attired..looked presentable. not like the others. lol. but the food's nice..-ish. i dont know. i was famished. i think we shud have more of such outings in the future. its so fun. they're a bunch of fun, funnie ppl. hahaha

saw quite a few teenage guys there.. that left me perplexed. what the hell are they doin there? shudn't they be at home slleeeping or playing bball or smth? well, i looked down and saw the handfull of bags they were holding. poor things.. puppy dog eyes and all. lols. i laughed.

in case u ppl are wondering why i'm typing like some ah lian tryna speak proper english..i think its becos my brain's nt yet intuned to english. or something. i dont know. i'm so excited. the piles of english novels are bekoning to me! WoOoOo.. sigh -slaps myself-

{ 8:41 AM }

Friday, May 27, 2005
CERTAIN men/boy[s]/ are SO egoistic. always thinking..they're in the right..they're better.. whatever. do it so casually. so..righteous..so un-gentlemanly. its sicKk. spoilt my morning. spoilt my day. spoilt the last period before sch ended. abit of blatant display of arrogance and self-love and over confidance is tolerable but an overload of it...is too much. and it puts ppl off. oh-so unattractive. tsk tsk. hows that working out for someone whu needs it? he's guna turn out rotten. just like everybody else. stepper. yuk~

everyone's ranting about how they're guna get their A1s.. oh shuttit.

i dont know wht to do witht he mass of dead cells on my scalp. horribly over-grown and inordinately unkempt.

-sulk-

Just stay with me
Lay with me

{ 7:20 PM }

Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Weyyheeeyyyyy i got shirely back. wooo *parades round my room* listening to burried a lie by senses fail. >.< plus the weather. doesnt make me feel very good. tang contradicts herself. one moment she tells me she doesnt wanna interfere with my private life and the next she taunts me about having a talk with my mother bout shirely. At times like this, it doesnt bother me much. whatever happenes, happens . if my mom decides to throw her away , thn too bad for mie. but it aint guna happen, not when i'm still alive and breathing. i g0t the blubberbag to change her mind. sighh, whts e point of defending myself. it doesnt matter if they understand or not. just h8 e look the teacher gave me when tang showed the doll to her. stupid. fuck off. she pointed to the sign and asked if i was. so what if i am? wht can she do abt it? pppffffttttt..

then during mock pp2. this teacher came up to me n told me to pull my skirt up. i blinked and asked her to repeat herself. she said the exact same words. i wonder wht she meant. 'down' and 'up' have totally diff pronouciations so i cudnt' have heard her wrong. besides, my skirt wasnt anywhere above my upper theighs. Whats wrong with those ppl??

oh ya. went blog hopping . saw this girl's blog tht made me nauseous. *laughs* kids, u'd think they'll be carefree and simple minded. but in actuallity, they tink more than adults to. in my rekoning that is. and yes, i am guilty of that. just... on the other side. [ LOL. there's a band named atomic rooster].

i shall end my entry here. off to study chinese. for what u ask? since i never excel . frankly, i dont know. but wht else can i do? i do not like e feeling of being helpless. placebo effect. u get me? just becos i'm doin smth bout my mother tongue merely gives me security . bah .

you knew what you were doing to me
I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it hurt
But I'd do it again to relive what we had
Damn that's sad ..
that was then


{ 4:32 PM }

Saturday, May 21, 2005
-grins gleefully-
i managed to get past the day without so much of wallowing nor any negative thoughts of. *ahem*. which is a good thing! considering how clogged up my mind wud be of him most of the time. no. all of the time. not t0dae. nor tmr.. nor the day after that! i hope. i keep telling myself : today's nt the past. i wont relive it
hahahahah...and it worked! lol! kinda into these self psych-ing shxt. the euphimism wud be : self motivation.
i figured its time i got myself together. i'm doing the impossible. i shall unrotten myelf. :f i guess slips are inevitable, i just hope they'll pop up less often.

i had dinner wiht my relatives at cwp. ( tsk. ill connotation) hilarious. they tend to jest alot. at all the wrong things. but simply for the fun of it. they left for my hse first. i stayed behind ta shop a little *pinch fingers* yea. 2 pairs of shows and Rooster's debut album. all of which are worth my money by the way. frankly, rooster's pretty good. i mean, all of their songs are nice. i liked them in an instant. i found this hard to swallow cos..it made them seem a little.... fake? plastic. -shrug- hu cares right? their music appeals to the crowd , and its all that matters. bah. my aunt screamed at the sight of those shoes. she scowled and aks me why i didnt call her along. :s

oh. i cant get enuff of frank iero. i cant squel and stuff cos pedo says its too groupie-ish . i think so too. but he's adorable. and the polarity between the time when he's on and off stage is like huge. but nonetheless adorable. >.< dunno la. i like. hmpF! i guess mikey isnt that bad, but he looks sinister. :D

mel : wht guy wht guy wht guy wht guy wht guy. bloody msg me aites. wait. wht nationality????? u did korea..china... aussie..now what..british-indian?? oooh..ssavvvyyy.

{ 12:27 AM }

Tuesday, May 17, 2005
hurraaayyyyy. *throws on party hats* heralds the endless feed of chi mock exams n teh feeling of despondecy as chi Os gets inches closer. w0o! oh. * rubs palms* and whu get forget our dear oral prelims? my my. i'm just so excited.

-frown-. i can feel the spicy mcdouble within me. argh. i feel so stupid. i forg0t wht i had ordered and had my burger smeared with more chilly sauce onli to wonder why it tasted exceptionally h0t this time round? pathetic. that we were reduced to spending our after-exams at mac and thn w.m i was fighting the impending boredom. n e ways..i bot vanilla scented candles for mel's forsakened birthday pressie to mie. my beloved blood red candle holder. -grin-. used it. vanx suggested we scared ourselves shitless under the dim glow of the flame. and we sure did. hahaks. sillyyssss

hmmms... i've always loved being somewhere foreign. esp in the evening. when the air is chilly and the sky's like.. darkening. somehow..the setting seems so right. almost wished someone was there with me. ahahaha..-slaps myself-. i miss the feeling. of chilly air. of being cold. its like..solitude and melacholia at its peak. bah. i suck at describing. mel shud be able to fathom..i think >.<

he makes my heart go oooh-ooh-oooh

{ 5:57 PM }

Sunday, May 15, 2005
AHA! after much pondering. i have finally found smth to blog about! okay. this is really really pathetic and desperate .

i was scribbling numbers oh so conscienciously (-ish) as my mom left my room. somehow, i looked to my side (dunno for wht) thn i thought i saw this black mass, about the size of a tennis ball, flying str8 at me. i gasp and jumped from my seat. a split second later, logic dictated . and i stood there inna daze wondering wtf just happened/ was i thinking.

you know, having almost nth to whole the whole day realli paves way for alot of..thinking. my mind was practically having a silent debate with itself. more like, i was argueing with myself. andd.... i came to a conclusion that.. i dont know whu i am. and i have lost my mind. and i think too much. so much so that its unhealthy for me. my whole lifestyle is detrimental to me and i'm living it like..i like it. but i dont. no one in the right mind wud. THATS THE POINT! I'M NOT IN THE RIGHT STATE OF MIND! i'm hallucinating for goodness sake!!!!!!

cheryl has gone crazy and she needs help.

{ 10:24 AM }

Thursday, May 12, 2005
i've been really really reallly lethargic of late. i sleep in the noon and yet its less thn sufficient to get me thru 9. iron deficiencY? perhaps. wht did i eat wrong..nono..more like.. wht didnt i eat.

my mother dragged me out of the house as soon as i stepped in ytd morning. she didnt see the point of mugging..citing reasons like.. as long as u meet the right person in life and know how to get around with ppl. i cant fully oppose tat notion, like..how far can one go with a humongobongo brain if he/she isnt equipped with 'survival' skills. society is littered with lies and hyprocrisy. nice people always finish last. okok. i cant shop with her. we give into temptation easily. >.< met this salesgirl..she's like so denise material. the way she talks and acts. ooober identical!

hmmm... i better get prepared for history. ciao. gud luck.

{ 9:48 AM }

Sunday, May 08, 2005
i dont get it. why are some people's lives always Better than others? dont u think some kind of balance shud be forged between the extremes? so much for eqaulity. period. sometimes, i get so fustrated of the endless shit that gets thrown my way, how i'm anchored to the bitter end. when will they get their share, will they ever know how it feels.. ever? they should. cos its not fair. i view them with inexorable envy, so much so that it morhps into obnoxious jealousy. i try to make the best out of wht i have but its never enough to emanate . never enough. thn again, if i had a chance to take it all away. i wud not, cos it makes me stronger and treasure the things around me more. even its just something small. unlike you, you . i believe, i hope i wish. that one day, u will contrue how it feels . for all the old deceivers.



Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says: Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?


Doodle takes dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings: Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

You should see my scars
And try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend

{ 4:29 PM }

Friday, May 06, 2005
one epilator to rule them all..one epilator to bind them into the darkness and...i forgot. d'oh! take it back take it back!!! its getting damn addictive. vanessa and lien went on this hair removal spreee after school. . and my gosh they were hooked on it. After the warm up screams and inexorable anxiety, they finally settled and got mentally, physically and emotionally attatched to the darn epilator and wax. okay, vanx was the worse case. the whole thing was so hilarious. i laughed silently. like she'd like turn in on, thn jump and place in on her arm and jump again. and she perspired. lOl. cute.

ohhh..and it rained and i felt like lazing in my room the whole day..just me and my thots for company. round n round in circles...over and over again. i dont like it..i cant stop it. i dont want it. its driving me crazy . its plain selfishness masked behind righteous morals . i'd trade anything NORMAL for this shit.

Anyone who can touch you
can heal you
or hurt you

Anyone who can reach you
can love you
or leave u

{ 11:34 PM }

Thursday, May 05, 2005
i dont know what to do. cant deny it, cant pretend. can't let go, dont wanna hold on. here i am, starting from scratch. it seems a whole lot harder now.. if only... ahh..whatever. the school is shrouded in hyprocrisy. everyone's talking behind each others backs. even in such small proximity from one another. its madness!

you are thinking i'm crazy
but you're blushing of lust
I've heard a lot of nice things
but tell me which ones i'm to trust
the walls we made are glass
and they have been known to crack
but until then
you'll keep pushing my way and
I'll keep pushing you away

{ 5:40 PM }

Wednesday, May 04, 2005
typing in a semi stupor was never my intension..so scusey my incoherency( if any)

-sniggers- the feeling of being proven right sure is rewarding. 'change this change that. change is full of lies. u remain the same cat wear a gud disguise. living life in ur third blind crooked eye. ' i knew it right from the start . and the anticipation paid off. now, i can safely scoff at his folly ; his rediculus attempt to be sth he's not for the sake of others. poor thing. grow up =)

huggies to wilson. he made my day. -wide grin-

oooh..and i'm so tempted to get myself an epilator. getting addicted to it. my hands were all numb after tat and the sheer speed at which those thingies turned was like hell scary as tho some huge monster's guna eat u up. yea. initially, i was abit hesitant but wth. u only live once . i was thinkin, it'd be a great tool for PSM. haha. i luv it i luv it i luv it. i didnt know how soft and 'fur-y' my body hair was till last night. i get wht sha's talking abt now. furball. lolol. subsequently, i got so delirious i msged mark bout it. dont know what got into me..i never learn frm my mistakes. whuts so odious about me that he hasta maintain this cold unfriendly with unlying animonsity image to moi. perhaps, i'm not like his otha sunshine friends but does that make me any lesser of a human?


argghhh. the feeling's back. just becos of some small 'stupid' gesture that imbeds some form of false hope within me. i feel so useless. it took me so long to shove him out of my mind and just becos of something so 'trivial', i'm back to square one. all efforts down the drain. useless. i cant even bring myself to look at him. -slaps myself-. so much for courage.

{ 4:23 PM }

Neversweet*

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be
Loves

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary
Dont look back

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