I reel at the sight of chinese officials in the news. Im not being racist against my own race or anything. I just feel tt their image gives chinks a bad name- Even though its generally true for the older generation. The sleek side parted jet black hair, the borrring black/blue suit , and the chinked out face that speaks nothing of transparency, flexibility and credibility but shows all the signs of cunning and rigid governance . Worst of all, chinese ppl are SQUARE. they're just so fucking square. They think that they're right and only they are right and nothig else is right because this is the way is was meant to be, so this is the way is HAS to be. OMGZZZ . They're so square their heads are almost rectangle.
{ 6:20 AM }

I got piss drunk last night. I have no idea how i did. It was fun but the only regret was having willy see me like that. Cheryl yousa whore.
{ 8:34 AM }

We waited at Skate park for time to past. I had trouble climbing up the ramp, and fell flat on my ass when i tried to go down. willy says his heart fell when i fell- after tt moment of sincerity, he started laughing.

this pic is so ugly it makes me laugh.

{ 1:04 PM }

Omg. like get a grip of yourself. Obviously you have a motive for writing that. Loser man. Fucken loser. Borrrring...-next one please. you're capable of so much more. But its your cowardice.

----

I'm so proud of myself. I managed to last through the day with just six hours of sleep. My eyes were burning when i woke up. My head was thumpin to an inaudible beat. I went to work. Met hana to get our driving pracs settled, headed to holland V to get my pubes pulled out , met shane for dinner.. hana joined at afterward. talked till around half past eleven before we headed home. Could have stayed longer actually.

Mommy found a pack of condoms in my drawer. laughs. I dnt reallie care. Hey, at least your daughter's being safe right? Shane said '' tts good make sure you use it." haha nice one. i try to.

Bombarded him with too much lame jokes.

i dont even wanna know how much i spent today> wasted like thirty three bucks for a very relaxing pedicure while waiting for him
{ 10:05 AM }

I hate your face i hate your voice. thank god for music.
{ 9:48 AM }

{ 8:58 AM }

Talk about bad luck. Just as i had opened the door and was about to put the key into the keyhole, I looked up into the gloomy sky and saw a bolt of lightning . After several grunts from mr i'msoangryinidtopee sky , it began to RAIN. it started off as a drizzle. I was sanguine enuf to think that it was merely one of those 30 minute pours. 30 mins later , the drizzle has turned into a TORRENT. i take it that..i'm not meant to lead a healthy lifestyle :/ on second thought, i'm partly to blame as well. my rigidness and my lazy bum. i could have gone out earlier. I knew it was gg to rain. but i told myself to leave it up to fate..which suggests tt this could have ended differently. But then it might have not..becaause my char and motives are fixed..which leaves me no choice actually..( i've been reading that confusing book abt freedom too much)

i gave up reading tt book btw. too confusing.

My birthday's coming. does anyone even care. haha
{ 11:14 PM }

{ 7:57 AM }

One of the primary reasons why i hate gg home alone is facing my MOTHER when i reach home. she ALWAYS peeks out of the gate right after i have stepped into the house, searching with HOPE that i get sent home by some guy other than my boyfriend. If a car coincidentally drops someone off , she'd suspect that i have a scandalous connection with the driver immediately. JUST BECAUSE OF PURE COINCIDENCE. like MOTHER, unlike YOU. I am NOT a WHORE nor a socalite ( i wish i had the cash), nor some naive girl who's desperate for men. I wish you'd stop confusing your daughter with such shallow characteristics.

stop calling me naive and portray yourself as the all-knowing omipotent mother because you are not. you were the one who fell for some no money smoker breath yellow teeth uncharasmatic un-charming 30 year old guy who's tryna cheat your money and dispite being too familar with his ulterior motives, you continue to PATIONIZE him. who's the stupid one? really. WHO'S THE GULLIBLE ONE BITCH.

OMG and my stupid father.

" hey are my glasses in the toilet"

" go away lahhhh i just need to pee"

rolls eyes. Would it kill your bladder to just take a split second off your time to LOOk at the sink? NO it wouldnt.

bitch fit.
{ 8:26 AM }

I have having a horrible headache!!!

I met up with audrey and hana to bake cupcakes today. It was fun. the cupcakes turned out yummy but looked deceivingly odious . They even had names. laughs. i cannot wait to show willy how cupcake boyfriend looks like =D.

Went swimming at night with hana and pasti. At one point in time, i realised i was sitting alone at the side of the pool looking up into the full moon sky. how emo. laughs.

my head hurts.
{ 8:22 AM }

I've been really angry at myself these days. If i'm pissed at little things its my fault. If i'm irritated at anything, its most likely to be myself. I regret hurting those around me.

sex was really..satisfying. It sort of helped release the rage inside of me. I wanted it. i really wanted it.

I felt ugly today. really ugly.
{ 9:24 AM }

sigh.
{ 9:40 AM }

Eye candies should always remain as eye candies because the only reason why you're so mesmerized but that guy who's always ten feet away because you have foolishly attatched an ideal persona to him. And just because i have identified the folly doesnt mean i am not guilty of the act. Not eye candies per se but ppl i adore. I realised that i shoved this insanely unachievable expectation to willy and i stubbornly insisted on his fulfillment to his 'duties' and obstinately refused to accept otherwise.

so you're not that guy. you've never been. But i think, you're the closest i'll ever be. It does take alot of balls to endure the shit i threw at you.

I think i've actually become conservative. These day i worry the hemline of the dresses i wear are too high. Cleavage is another matter altogether. Why are you looking at my breasts? have you not seen a breast before -.-llll

I am a spoilt brat. i am a spoilt brat. sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.
{ 8:00 AM }

{ 9:45 AM }

I went for the strongest shisha ever. period.

honey why you sleeping so early nowadays..i hardly get to talk to you anymore. i miss you.
{ 8:12 AM }

The insomnia is eating into me. I neeed someone to talk to. I hate tossing and turning in bed.

Dont take it the wrong way, you mean nothing to me.
{ 11:12 AM }

LOL. Bona wus tellin me how he was fucking tired and how he reallie needed a girlfriend now more than ever before give him a nice massage or something. The convo went something like this:


Neversweet 'reclusive' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
WHAT

*Neversweet 'reclusive' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
U THINK UR GIRLFRIEND UR MAID AH

Like an old abandoned house says:
NO!

Like an old abandoned house says:
i think my girlfriend as an essential and important part of my life

Like an old abandoned house says:
and this is the point where

Like an old abandoned house says:
she can really fully utilize the love she have installed for me

Like an old abandoned house says:
and she can be assured that

Like an old abandoned house says:
her loved would be greatfully and joyfully and totally absorbed

Like an old abandoned house says:
during this crucial period of time

Like an old abandoned house says:
and all may end wonderfully with some great hot kinky sex

Like an old abandoned house says:
shiok

Like an old abandoned house says:
perfect
{ 9:56 AM }

Sad. Only 2 hours left till i have to get my act together. Yes cher, and that means work tmr and everything else that you have to do.

Saturday was hectic. I think i made a wise choice of not attending the NUS open house. Even though my actions may bite me later in the future, i think that if i had gone ahead and tried to do 3 places in a day i would have died .

It saddens me to see boyfriend not taking care of himself. I know its a guy thing. But even so, even if its penis-determined, it doesnt excuse him from the denouncable CRIME( lol) of abusing his own body. Often he complains about ppl ( more specifically me) being angry at him for being sick. In a twisted form of way, it makes sense. Look at the situation from a diff angle and you'll see that its not as illogical as you think. -shrug- so i'm bribed emotionally to remain callous to his actions. I dont get it. I hate to do it. But i find myself gritting my teeth and doing it because even though i love him, i try to tell myself that its his choice and i have no right to interfere. Which in retrospect is WRONG, because if i love him thn i wouldnt want to see him hurt himself.. which brings us back to the point of being angry...

god.

moving on, his perf was awesome . was so proud of him that i had to repeatedly badger his good friend tht the guy up there was my boyfriend. laughs laughs laughs.=) like seriously, i know i sound like a mom.

Rushed to hana's party after that. It was a chill out kinda celebration. After the lights went out, we proceeded to the playground to hang out. At one point in the early morning i suddenly became fucking aware of my surroundings. It was an awful feeling. My eyes kept darting around. i shut them tight and felt like screaming leave me alonee. how odd.

came home tired as ever. missing boyfriend as much. I love him i really do. If i had it my way we would have had funky time backstage. wink wink. shrugs. i guess there's always next time.
{ 7:39 AM }

Starting from next week i will get my act together and do all that needs to be done. Signing up for SATS, paying app fees, applying for my PDL, reading more books, working towards my superficial goal, talking to more people, gg to work , earning more money.

Its not the end. It isnt.

hmmmm people only find out what they love about themselves by first sourcing out what they are not. and in that respect, enemies are essential. odd.
{ 8:55 AM }

you have always had your ways of finding me. You appeared once again tonight, bekoning for me to come over. I cant. I wont mess up this time. You laughed-unconvinced. I bit my lip..and as i turned to walk away i heard you mock me. this isnt over, you're afraid of loneliness too much.
{ 10:05 AM }

I wont even begin to bemoan abt my results. Its not bad..really. truthfully. But that grade just sticks out like a sore thumb. no. like an chilli red babboon butt..like pubic hair...so glaring and obnoxious.sigh.

I finally sat the ferris wheel thingy/SINGAPORE FLYER. How original. How COOL. like ZOMG FLYER!! how distinct and UNIQUE. To have a FERRIS WHEEL ( come on changing the name will still make a ferris wheel a ferris wheel, even tho u add neon lights and replate 2 seaters with a capsule) as one of the many landmarks in sg takes the U, out of Unique. Actually, it takes all theletters out of unique, considering london and paris has the big wheel too. The london eye sounds so much cooler . I just googled London eye. and i got : British Airways millennium observation wheel. Its a bloody ferris wheel lah. -.-llll

and the sg news. I used to not watch it because i found it boring. Now my loathing of the 930 news has been supplanted with a new found sense of..attraction to the silly 'news' reporting rife with propaganda.
{ 8:46 AM }

I'm sorry its all my fault. I never should have said anything. I dont know what to do. I feel a little afraid. I know this..apprehension will only menifest and this..discomfort tt i'm feeling will only become worse as the day draws near. I have to face it. I have been anticipating it. But who doesnt like to hope?

=(
{ 5:22 AM }

You keep pin pointing other people's fault. I think you ought to take a good look at yourself before you call other people's names and look down on them, because you're no better than them.

call me selfish. You had the audacity to call me selfish when u're pretty much selfish yourself. Take it back. take those words back.

If i had called you at 8 plus like you did and tell me to RUSH down to town just to look for a hoodie that you NEVER purchased and expect me to go home MYSELF.- you're being selfish.Oh, and u'd NEVER cme down to town. even if i got on my knees. that is a FACT. you expect me to give in to you while you do not have to go out of your way to reciprocate .

but i dont want to go home late

but I want you to send me home.

so how? and u're the one calling me selfish. hah

He sent me home but he did it grudgingly. well I didnt rush down to town grudgingly. Some attitude. sometimes i think you're more spoilt than me. DO NOT. show me attitude. i never liked it. Like how you never liked telling me to shut up. rrrr. god, just suck it up lah?you're alr doing it anyway. FINE, you made your stupid bitch ass statement. so much for trivial satisfaction.


Recently, i've been looking at things frm a third person perspective and i realise that you have no right to fault me beacuse you're just as full of shit as i am. But at least, i think i've improved. I'm no longer the haughty bitch tt u used to know. Instead, you've sort of took over that
position . and it just IRRITATES me that YOU'RE the one FAULTING ME!

Cant you be more understanding

wa lao, how understanding do you want me to be sia. Wait on ur two feet. have no say in anything whatsoever. do wantever you want. Do nothing i want. Is tt what u want?


sigh. fucked up. fucked up. am gg to fail my driving test tmr. =(
{ 7:34 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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