so why'd u have to go, why'd u have to gggooooooo .. DAUGHTER T- lols. Ah. the fond memories of horrid screaming and yelling and prollz belching in the lift, along orchard , in class and hana's hse. -laughs- we really really shud go kbox one day huh, wreck the place and shit.

-hangs head in shame- I made a deal with jay to not cuss for an entire sch day. First cuss : 7.20am. awesome. like totally. i wanted to replace Cuss with Fuck but..it sounded wrong. lols.

hmm. there's nth much to update..cept.. i've been really upset with myself. . and thankfully, the failure to comprehend wht chin yaks and stuff has galvanized me to at least read up on the topic. gosh i hate it when i dont get it. (hah) pun intended. tsk tsk..baby steps. Will be mugging like shit in no time. HOPEFULLY.

i seriously think i'm guna fail my mid years and promos if i cont with this lousy attitude.

As for my chinese...ahh..watever.
{ 5:53 AM }

by joe, what happened to 98.7? After an uber long hiatus from the radio, i got a pleaseant ( kinda like warm and fuzzy) shock as i noted the ratio of rock , albeit pop punk : hiphop has increased tremendously!!!! and i heard creep for the second time this week! not bad. It wasnt tuh long ago ( note the irony) when all they ever played was 50cent or some thug hiphopper. -yawns- Its not that i detest that particular genre or music, its just that an overload of it makes me nauseas and cranky. very cranky.

speaking of genres, there exists a rather amibuous one. wth's emo? cuz when i ask around, i get conflicting anwers. ooh ooh, whats emo, as a stereotype thn? ps/ i know emo = emotional.

i'm amazed and completely awe-struck at how some people can rmb in intricate details events > a week back, much less 3 days?? I have a memory identical to..okay, something better than a goldfish. i cant rmb wht happened in skul > 1 day. Even thinkin back bout today needs some effort. I just cant be bothered lah . whu cares wht happened, whu sed what during history or math or break??!?!?!

pms-ing. fuck off


{ 6:47 AM }

It wasnt too long ago when i was at hana's bbq for her friends. (birthday celeb in advance) thats so sweet. doncha think? lols. Fatin and I made a pact so do the same. hur.

My hands smell of garlic. : / a n y w a y , I went there early to help out/teen labour with van. see, 'clever' me suggested peelings the skin of teh potatoes first b4 they were bbq-ed. one thing to note : small potatoes are hard to peel. partly cos the thingy i used wasnt sharp, and cos.. well, teh potatoes werent boiled. but ah. whatever.

The bbq only started at like what, 9? tho the allocated time was..erm. 730. haha. but its fun. gosh, ev.one's tits was showing. nyeahaahaha. ok, i shud shut up. but really. cos the guys went into the pool and all..and..yeah. u ppl can infer.

Talked to skeen. bitched about guys. cool. she and i bear the same virulent sediments towards the egoistic jerky homosapiens. or more better known as..guys. :)

my tum tum hurts from all the laughing.

oooh. and my eyes are green once more. yay .
{ 7:26 AM }

well well, i'm blogging again cos i feel like blogging. heh. woo. i smsed Den and she replied. miracle. the last time she did, it was a day after i text her. -laughs- i miss her. boo.

oh. pe was hell. well, i thot it was hell. but i loved it. the PC part. hate soccer. i hate soccer. didnt like it at all. its some childhood trauma thingy. loL. see, my cousins, the one around my age are all guys. and u noe guys and their inate love for soccer. as a kid, i was forced to kick the stupid ball with them. and i got bullied alot. so therefore, i hATE soccer! bah.
{ 5:28 AM }

lien told me she doesnt noe wht i'm blogging cos she's "..like out of ur life ". so. -ahem- in order to dispel her statement, i am going to blog about my day with her. -smirks- yes. i went back to shit school with her to get our testimonial. But our caring classmates apparently forgot to inform us that its not ready for collection. so basically, after spending <10 mins in shit sku, we realised that we made our way there for nothing. =) fuck u. I was more than a little pissed. cos i loathe shit school. both the environment and the bloody compound. thn again, there was no way i was gg home. s0 lien and i slacked in teh canteen with um..1/4 of e6. and few e5 guys.

hmm. i guess gg back shit sch wasnt a mistake afterall. at least i got to catch up with my friends.. and debate about the whole male-female attraction thingy.

oh cheryl's smitten. -nudge lien- and i still hate basketball. HEH.
{ 4:42 AM }

-LAUGHS- okay. i laughed/grinned/sniggered my way back home from the interchange. DONT U THINK ITS JUST SO FUNNIE??!?!?! no wonder he looks so darn familar. seen him before. i regonised his bag. ah. but funnie lah.

Since when does one need approval from e-v-e-r-yBody before one's theory is true? how does universal acceptance translate into truth? weird..innit? what bullshit logic that is. -shrug- i guess, ev.one is looking for acceptence. even the affluent fucks and the professors and the doctors and the smart people. because their theories and shit need to be universally accepted before it can be deemed as a fact. i think thats just stupid really.

i'm really tired and exhausted and i finally got my hist essay over and done with. -gri nn- and i wud appreciate it if u buggers stop msging mee, cos ev.time i get a message a surge of hope just overwhelmes me. and depresses me when i see tha name. exeptions to my nice little rays of sunshine of course. shit. all these are shit.
{ 5:21 AM }

{ 4:44 AM }

i have firmly established tht i harbour a chronic addiction to my mobile. Almost immediately after Narinda took it away from my hands, my syst shut down and i sat thru her lesson in a daze. I was messaging sheila see, about some shitty stuff. sigh. i seem to be repeating my laments . -slaps myself-

been playing Silver Bullets over and over again in my ipod. Gee. i'm in love with that song. makes me feel so..wistful. i hate that feeling.

funnie. i'm seething with anger. so filled with fury that i feel like screaming it out, throwing something against the wall, breaking, hurting, AND maybe killing something. and yet, i remain as calm and collected as a fucking doll. with my ass seated in this fucking uncomfortable chair, typing . just fucking typing. fuck u mother.

can someone help me clean up my closet?
{ 6:54 AM }

At night i pray, that soon your face will fade away. I dont get why. i dont know how, but he's kinda like glued to my mind. just when i was starting to trust , he broke it. And the same question resounds in my mind , what did i do to deserve this? u noe the old adage : everything happens for a reason. so why? why me?! -jumps with fury- Thank goodness there's no major exams lined up anytime soon..or i'll be damned. I look back on the prev year, man.

tEh only time my mind was devoid of any thoughts was when i was down there, doing some shit with my head. wahahahah. the gig was damn funnie la. i thought it was funnie. u see ppl flying. that guy -laughs-. he tried to stage dive but no one caught him. and he landed on the floor. i was laughing my ass off.

oh and i think, gigs are the only place where um. all the crosses are the wrong side up. kuu kuu. =)

cheryl has new found love for folk metal. ehehehehe
{ 5:10 AM }

ah. my new found obsession for face paint. you know what? fuck powder and all that shit. face paint is the new eye shad and liner! yeah man. i had as much fun darkening my eyes as i had removing the black. gee. okay. maybe i'll stick to the conventional. easier to remove but fuck, face paint requires less effort to draw. ah. hahaha . see. this is wht happens wht i'm bored. thank goodness i got a new phone with a superb cam. -gri nn- i'll load the pix when i gather a chunk of them.



{ 6:23 AM }

yes i am angry, mad, furious , sad and hurt. i know not with whu or what. i just feel this heinous concoction of feelings within me, that needs to be expelled. and since i only have me myself and i.. it leaves me with onli one option. Dont talk about hurting my friends, i can never bring myself to do that.

But if i could hurt u. i wondered. if i could. would i drag a knife across ur chest? puncture ur heart with little pricks. Actually, if i had my way. i dont know how, but i'd make u feel all the pain and hurt i felt. I cant be bothered bout payback, not really. but i think its only right for u to at least know. Do u really think i'm made of stone? If i had my way, i'd yell at you and tell u all the shit left unsaid.

ah. but why bother. i dont know. but i shud . right? -shrug- i feel compelled to.

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE : i had fun tonight. loves getting wet. loves shivering. loves sliding down the baby pool. loves laughing. loves company. loves not feeling alone. :)))
{ 7:43 AM }

goodness. 4 fucking entries in a day. my oh my. presently, i'm tired as hell. so emotionally exhausted that i'll fall asleep the mo i hit the sack. but ah. i cant bring myself to bed. i cant bring myself to shut my eyes and let the thoughts flow. cos i do not want to be plauged by them. i do not want to be reminded.

so much happened in a matter of hours. Honestly, like everyone else, i too knew we were damned from the start. but i gave it a shot anyhow. why? just to see how far it'll go. gosh, i'm so drained i cant even think straight. okay, let me think. yeah. i hurt. why did i hurt? not because of the shocking revelation; babe i knew it since day one. but because i cud no longer run away from the stark fact. and i hated myself for walking off the clift. i hated myself for allowing this to happen. so i did it. and it felt good.

but felt like shit again after i told mel. i'm like freaking shit scared of her . cos she's always right and i knew she'd be mad. i dont know if she understands . i guess nt . i wish she didnt hurt for me.

and i'd like to clearify tht its not my intention for denise and sha to blast him. i cant be bothered actually and i'm not tat shallow. but i cant stop them frm doing wht they want. so yeah. watever

muackies to sha for that super sweet blog entry. love you.

After all that crying and shit. I'm quite glad its over. i think its better this way. i feel lighter. happier. tho desconsolate, all the same.


'06 man! the year is still young. move on. moved on

" lets leave. lets get away. get lost in time. where there's no one else .. "
{ 7:10 AM }

{ 5:40 AM }

{ 4:48 AM }

i survived an entire school day without my handphone yo! sure , i experienced the withdrawal symtoms and all that but hell, i survived! thanks qg. He's an excellent guardian. kinda abit fatherly. ooh ooh. my next daddy. -laughs- cool. i think i'm guna diposit my phone with him from now on. this is healthy.

and i just found out everyone's gg AC. but its okaY..WILLMISSYOU but its okay.

yeah man. must keep self busy. bbq tmr. whee =)
{ 2:19 AM }

GEEZ. wud u people please stop your advertising. I understand u love ur jc very much, but that doesnt mean i will fit in and like it tuh . so please shut up and stop with the persuation. u know better than that.

oooh. and FYI . I do not like to be ignored.

Got to go back swiss on friday to get my testimonial. fuck i hate swiss. along with all the assholes there.

* sheilaaa.__* .wonderwall. says:
the one that Fcuks like a dead fish

yes sha, very well said. =)
{ 5:57 AM }

Lately, i have become more and more irresponsible. It irks me. I cant be bothered about my responsibilities, both in and out of sch and cease very much to care about the repercussions of my ignorance. Now that i'm in the sordid company of silence within my humble abode, i begin to reflect on my actions, and i cant express how repulsed i am by myself. The world doesnt revolve around me. i think i shud start being selfless and heeding the principles of ' Ah pek and ah huat' company. -chuckles -

I lost myself sometime during this whole shitty period. must. find. self.

what was i thinking?

I cant be plauged by all this. Its silly, time consuming and most of all, unnecessary.

{ 11:57 PM }

" are u okay? "

yes, i am okay. i am not gonna kill myself anytime soon. so in that sense, i am okay.

But if u're asking if i'm as strong as i was emotionally as i was before, thn no. i am not okay.

If you knew the shit i did behind closed doors, thn u'd surmise that i am not okay.

-shrug-
i never know how to answe that question. Does sunshine translate to being okay? if thats the case thn im rarely fine. hurhur. but i do laugh and joke and kid around. so .. i guess i'm okay. lols. gaWd, all this shit is really confusing.

but thanks for asking. i'll nv noe how to ans that qn. but until thn, i'll be fine.
{ 4:03 AM }

{ 1:18 AM }

Seow treated us to ice cream at Swensen's this afternoon. i ate so much ice cream , i'm guna avoid it for like a month. thn again, maybe not. -gri nn- i loved the peanut butter, caramel, fudge, vanilla and yam flavours. but i had to stop cos i was shivering so much, i felt myself virbrate frm one side of the table to the other. sigh. where's the fucking sugar high i'm supposed to get?? where's the bloody hyperglycemia i'm supposed to be 'suffering' from? subdued by a substantial amt of grief perhaps.

Acc my dear1 to lot1 a while before meeting him. pity i cudn't find smth to blow my anger on. all i bot were a few pairs of ear rings, which are prollz guna be tussed away in some niche in my room a few wks later. Watched Casanova befoe heading home.

i hate home. i hate its vapid silence ; how it screams into my ears and propels me to do acutely stupid, foolish and terrible terrible things when i'm not in the right state of mind. but ah. what-ev-err. i apologize to everyone whu genuinly care for me. ' dont look at me that way, it was a stupid mistake.' loL

oh! crashed pj's bbq last night. hahaha it was so0o0o fun. jy and clement shudn't have gone home. Aside from the choking bbq smoke that bellowed in the wrong direction, the whole thing was pretty much a blast. haha. we even participated in their mass dance. my fav was the disco one. keke. It was nice hanging out with them again, everyone of them, together at once. can crap, can bitch, can annoy. can do whatever i want. really ^-^

went to mit my macho man ( notice how the last 4 words all start with M? LOL) for dinner. i didnt eat much. Not even my fav dish, that being teh salmon sashimi seemed palatable enuff for me to gorge.

The moon was bright, there were stars in the sky and very soothing night breeze. All this around the vacinity of my home. Goodness. For 17 years, i had no idea.



{ 2:09 AM }

As of now. I am shit nervous, excited, scared and dismayed. All shitty emotions concocted into one shitty melted chendol like pile of green goeey feelings. mel is sad, sheila's cranky, vanx is not responding. me? just downright s h i t t y .i'm afraid. but i have prepared myself for the worst. aRgh. wahtever . whts done is done

i think the nerve-wrecking wait for my results are held accountable for my sordid moods lately. i'm sorry. bah.

And i fell asleep for like an hour and a half. what the fuck am i supposed to do now. i cant sleep. ahhhhh.

=(
{ 6:40 AM }

hehe .exercising releases happy hormones! thats why i'm so cheery . or maybe becos sch wasnt a part of my life todae. i feel rejuvinated, revitalised...relaxed! i pity kids of this gen, the dreadful product of our very own heinour ed. syst. like hana sed, if sg youths were to have a culture. it wud be that of geeks, nerds and myopia. dont u think? i dont want my kids to be like that. period.


and coperate ppl are just so sad. black suits and all. whu'd have a passion for numbers, figures and pressure?? i think, if anyone were to have a keeness for business, they better settle for nothing less than at the paramount of success. cos when i think of boring black suits, lackluster 9-5 routine and short lunch breaks, i get aggitated.


Bumped into erics at westmall. what a horrible surprised. He looks red. or is it just me? saw otha ex-swiss ppl as well. i was so shocked and revolted at the sight of them that i spilled my soup and forgot to take utensils for my food. D'oh. i love poe-tay-toes . gosh i sound so jovial i hate it.

I miss my macho man. -laughs-
{ 6:07 AM }

do u noe how fucking long for this page to load? i'm nt sure myself, but it seemed long. 2 mins perhaps? felt like an entire ice age. whatever. i feel shitty. been feeling shitty for the past 2 days. i attribute this sorely to PMS. one conformational sign of pms is when u dont know wht u're moody about and ev.thing just gets on ur nervvessss. even..-ahem- =(

Everyone think its folly. I'm a little exhausted of defending my actions , put forth my reasoning and repeating the same fk-ing storee. so much so that even my closest buddies are left in the dark. i suck . I dare nt tell mel, cos she'll slap me for sure. (haha)

hmm. on a lighter note, ah pek and i went for had lunch together at some coffee shop. i forgot the name. but thn there was this film crew, shooting sum shit involving a hagged cleaner ladeee and dishes. we though it'd be cool to be on tv , so we walked pass thm a no. of times. the first one was intentionally. the subsequent few weren't. blur us forgot to take note of e table. no. and smth else.

took a nap when i got home. i was consciously dreaming . this is so cool, like my dream and reality fused together. the result was hella weird. hehh.
{ 7:09 AM }

HOE HOE HOE. Jason's back. like finally yo. been waiting eons to blast him. u're a shithead. a really really rreaalllllyyyyy nice shithead! -laughs-

hmm. went shopping . not bad. bought quite a number of stuff.


{ 6:25 AM }

mmm. life is like a box of chocolates; you'll nv know what u're gonna get. We planned on gg to changi at first, but alighted at city hall . made our way to esplanaduu . hung out for a while .. was about to leave when.. BOOM. suddenly, the earth was spittinng fireworks into the sky. i was stupified, awe-struck, dumbfounded! Kinda reminded me about new year's eve. but this time i was on e roof top! hah.

It wasnt so much of the fireworks that amused me, but how we just happened to be there. Like see, the exodus of people arnd e roof planned to be there. they came there sorely just to watch. I totally had no idea-period. wah wah wah. fated uh. -laughs- besides, the spontaneousity of it makes the night all teh more memorable. ceh. pertaining to whether that's a merit or demerit.. i'll inclined to opt for the latter. i'm not exactly gung ho about looking on the bright side of life with this, nor am i feeling any hopeful. you know how ppl make an allusion to hiding within a glass prison after they get hurt? yea, i built a wall, layered it with barbs, encloused by a moat and finally secured by some gigantic vault. ( shut up. its my imaginated and ev.thin is possible) . yea. smth like that.

OMG. nick sent me his recording. that guy can fucking scream man. hahahaha. goodness!!


{ 7:16 AM }

i am so anti-guy. i wonder why i'm even attracted to them. GAH. i just hate them. And if i cud, i want nothing to do with them. Absolutely null, zero. nothing! ( yea ryte) . but they're hot la. wahahahha

Told ilyas wht happened. goodness. i cud tell he was laughing his ass off. SIGH. but its true. what a jerk. what a totally insensitive, cold assholE. He fired insults (inadvertantly) like a machine gun .

hmm. went shopping with denise after sch. my nose was this close to bleeding after trying so many scents. i'm in love with CK Euphoria. i'm guna get it. MYSELF. dont u dicks get it kaes. unless my dear ah pek lah. wahaha. but thats different. idiots. Idiots.


{ 5:54 AM }

you have nice eyes
gorge them out and
feed em to the crows
i cant stand looking at them
too nerve wrecking
i actually felt it thumping
{ 6:38 AM }

{ 4:27 AM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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