I am officially nocturnal. I have been staying out and coming back home in the wee hours of morning for the past week ( okay almost.). I have eye rings not because of work ( like hana). My liver is fuct, my lungs are burning. - i'm gunna die young. AND I'VE NOT BEEN EATING ANY FRUITS!

okay i need to keep track (again)

Weds - watch razi
thurs - movie with dar and roy
friday- jason's party
saturday - scape. shisha.
sunday- house party.
monday -shisha, cemetry holland v

omaigod we were at hv till it was visibly sunny.
{ 4:05 AM }

I met up with darius today. love loves!! He makes me laugh so hard , i start tearing. And the last time tt happened to me, i was with him. Roy joined us a while later. Shopped arnd for his cap..which ended up with no buys and with me having my eyes on one of his cap rejects. but its 75 dollahs. and i'd never pay tt much for a cap. but its cute. so idk. i'll get it one day when i feel rich.

so i let them in on a little secret. Actually i didnt mean to. It sorta slipped. None of them knew. and their reaction was classic. =x i PROMISE i wont do it again kay. it was a slip. i fucken slip. I honestly think if i told them everything they'd just die. cringe.

anyways we caught YES MAN! HHAHAHA that show is so inspiring! NO MAN NO MAN NO MAN NO! lol.

FEEL THE LOVE PEOPLE. SATURDAY!!
{ 10:34 AM }

I spent christmas walking to the toilet in far east. The bus ride from HV to town was horrible. I had to pee and the vibrating bus made it worse. Peeing never felt so good i swear. Anyways , after reaching clark hanny and i went to mit skeen and her friend ( whose name i forgot i'm SO sorry) and TCC. Was dying of hunger but seats took forever so we went to say hi to razi first. thn walked all the way back to tcc to my meal. omg i was so hungry i didnt even talk as i ate. yummy yummy pasta in my tummy.

Anyways i think Kid Villian was cheebye awesome. =]

bumped into vicks and martina in homeclub. hahahah when vick approached me i thot she was a guy. i was quite shocked! but i'm glad i bumped into her. thn we got approached by some drunk guy. he wanted to hug me. i was srsly afraid i dunno why. i was afraid he'd get violent. lol?

The walk to get a taxi was awesome. because i felt alot of love and i felt like a kid again. <- this is so tarded i KNOW.
{ 12:41 PM }

Wow its been a while. Hmm idk, i suddenly feel like being reclusive. I'd like to believe tt no one reads my blog but apparently that is not the case.

weds : impromtu stayover at hanny's
thurs: Town-ed w hanny. and roy and calvan.
Fridae : twilgiht. timbre. rockband.
Saturday : started off horrible. ended off well. well is such an ambiguous term. RIGHT?!!? HAHAHAHA!

i.cannot.believe. i finished a 7/8 of a pack of reds in one fucking night!!!!

I feel like a teeny all over again. slaps myself.
{ 11:16 AM }

Bitch you talk too fucking loud and your fake accent is NOT cool. stupid dumb cunt.
{ 8:42 AM }

I. just.wanted.to.kill.myself. bang my head against the wall. why couldnt it be someone else? why wasnt my eyes deceiving me?!!?! WHY.

sigh.
{ 1:21 PM }

I had my first past the 12hr mark sleep and i'm horribly petrified. This CANNOT continue. im turning into a SLOB! and people there's something wrong with the text function of my phone- i cant send/receive messages. so yeah..call me. I wonder if this calls for a new phone.

Whats wrong with december. Things keep breaking down. I need to send my lappy for a fix, i need to get a new pair of running shoes, and i need to get my phone fixed. bah. I WANT A FREAKEN SIDEKICK.
{ 10:30 AM }

I keep thinking..and thinking..and thinking..
{ 11:16 AM }

U'll never find me labelling an entry " hawt daym" unless. unless. unless i'm in a complete unsound frame of mind. cannot believe i typed all that shit. and hanny's still sleeeeeping. i was looking thru the pictures i took and ouh mai gawd i dnt remember taking pictures with that many guys. Not that anyone of them mattered. HAHA I TOAD U I TOAD U I TOAD U. I WON THE BET. NYEANYEANYEAHAHAHA

I had a great night partying. High enuff to do and say things i dnt remember, but not smashed enuff to puke or do anything that i will regret. you know what i mean.

oh am gee. i CANNOT believe nise did what she did. considering how she has never done tt before. she stood up for me and i really really really love her for that. u did that?? really? still abit hard to believe. ahaha.

OH! and im so glad tht the drinks we bought were within our budget! ahahhahehehe

Im different now
{ 8:57 PM }

Cheryl is drunk right now. and she said afew things that she doesnt remeber like calling hana arab pussy. and hana and janice are at my place and wer'restill drunk dancin on my bed in my pajayjays. she's got me love stoned i think tt she knows. thn roy called but i cudnt really pay atten cos i wasnt exactly sober.

A part of me feelings like crying a part of me feels like laughing. I think i saw my ex date. it was shockinng. i think i'd rather see ex boyfie thn see ex date because it was rather shattering. it really was. if tt was him also. but i cudnt cry. boys are so disposable. suckers. those flashin lights. come from everywhere. they way they get it. i just stop and stare. He's got me love stoned. i think he knows. FUCK U YOU FUKEN KNOW. FUCK U .

i kthink tht he noes. \\

i met cheryl. and i met cheryl's friend. thn i toad her what happened what she retorted. " THREE OF MY EX BOYFRIENDS ARE IN PHU" whoa. kudos to her man. she's totally hot i wud make out with her. hahahahah i think tt he noes.

bai.

i'm jealous.
{ 2:02 PM }

Why dont people believe me that i'm really done with boys. Hanny and janice were talking about how i be running off with sm guy later tonight and i passed a casual remarking about how i wont because i am done with penises.

They burst out laufffin.

I told em i'll buy em a drink if i do. They rejected my proprosal . I assume out of the kindness in them in light of my financial predicament and for my pressupposed defeat.

Anyways, the muffins/cupcakes/cake/floury thing they baked were yummy .

Before i was off to hanny's , i was townin with limmy. Went to the hair dresser to wish kari happy birthday and to say hi to nise. bumped into matthew and kw. OUH MAI GAWD U PERMED UR HAIR. hahahahah! i love the curls! like srsly! so bouncy!

The dynamics of a relationship is just as complicated as explaining all eleven/twelve/ten dimensions. Logical reasoning may not always provide the correct solutions. And thn there's the quintiessential essence of a rship-love. Which sorta permits irrational acts. so whats the right thing to do. what is right? I do know one thing though- love is not enough. thats entirely in my opinion and its sth tt i've learnt to believe. shrug. sad wrld out ther isnt it.

...AND THATS WAI..I'M SO GLAD IM NOT INVOLVED IN ANY AT ALL. NO PENDINGS, NO SORT OFS, NO OFFICIALLYS.
{ 12:13 PM }

*Neversweet 'no love' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
i just dug my nose

*Neversweet 'no love' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
heheheheh

Her tantalization; misconception. says:
hahahaahha

Her tantalization; misconception. says:
u see how far can u flick ur pi sai kkk

Her tantalization; misconception. says:
then tell me tmr

Dont even get me started on ur insane antics last night. See i secretly took screenshots of them. But out of my safety and for the sake of ur image i will not post them.
{ 9:11 AM }

Just got into a silly fight with the mother. This officially concludes home time. Home time lasts just long enuff to show tt i do stay at home and ends as soon as we start talking ..for more than an hour. Becuase i cant stand her. She has an awful shallow character and a paranoid dellusional frame of mind. I wont be like you. I wont scold people for my own faults nor would i be overly sensitive or vindictive. I woudnt. because they remind me of you and i hate people like you. I hate arrgogant people that look down on others, because they stereotype. Cant you see, u're no better than them. In fact, i think you're waay beneath them. You think u're something u're not. I think u're this and you're that and u conjure up a whole false notion of reality. everyone knows and think so.

Nights like these make me realise and thankful that i'm no longer with you.

Everyone thinks i'm a mean bitch but in actuality, your hearts are blacker than mine. I wont ever do what you did to me. Come to think of it, this is what u have always done. so yeah. thank god. And i wont ever stereotype people like you. HEAR THIS: YOU ARE NO BETTER.

I am guilty of being frank, rash and whimsical. but i will never turn my back to someone in need. Even if you have not spoken to me in ages, even if we had a bad past. regardless. Just as i believe that even the ugliest person deserves to feel special, i also believe that no one deserves to be left alone.

and people, we're fucking nineteen. We're over and done with 12.30 meetings. at 12.30 we're al still sleeping. 12.30 at orchard means waking up at 10 plus eleven. On a freaken holiday? u must be insane. and i'm glad this time is lunch and movie at orchard because just as we're done with early afternoon meetings, we're also done with ECP,WCP,PRP. Sentosa maybe it depends.

oyea 'you' is refering to different people. you're not that special. :)

i'm staying in my room because i cannot stand to see her or hear her voice or see her face or talk to her or walk past her. I feel like grabbing her by her hair and just repeatedly slap her head against the wall. Kick her slap her hit her scream to her that i dont deserve this that she brought this upon me. I dont deserve to be dragged into YOUR problems. you started this whole thing. Its ur fucking fault and i dont deserve to be part of it. OMG I HATE HER.
{ 5:19 AM }

ouh mai god i totally regret not bringing my camera out with me yest. Saturday was a waste. Though did go for my driving lesson and managed to successfully do a parallel parking, i didnt manage to gym or spend time with mommy like i planned. See, after lunch and a bit of teevee, i went into my room, snuggled up in bed for a SHORT nap. I was genuinely shocked when i woke up to a dark room FOUR hours later.

Saw roy's text to catch a moovie. Being my neighbour, and telling me that he was with his neighbour, i assumed that they were guna watch the movie in westmall. Rmbered him saying something about see you in fifteen minutes as well. I accused him of being insane. Its impossible to get a girl up and ready and at the agreed location within fifteen minutes. so yeah i was late. fifteen minutes late (WOOHOO. and prollly cuz the location was only one bus stop away). It was only at tt point in time when he went " err u do noe we're gg to cine to watch the movie right".

No i didnt. Thats why i showed up in my fbts and a hoodie. - went to town that way.

I told my mom that i'd only be a while and she refused to believe. i guess she was right cos i only came back at like 6 plus the next morning. Not that we did anything insanely crazy or anything. the five of us, all living in the same area, lepaked at far east, thn caught a cab, thn lepaked at afiq's condo. i found that odd. cause the fact tt we all lived in the same area made chiling at far east sorta redundant. lol.

yeah so i feel bad. for multiple reasons. Firstly, i've not been spending enuff time with my mother, or my father( like never) for tt matter. Secondly, I dnt think i can make it for aoki later. I mean i could if i wanted to, fight my way thru, act like i didnt care tt my mother isnt happie ( i htink she misses me). But i dont think i can bring myself to. I love her. ( one of the rare occasions u'll see me blog that ) and i sorta miss her as well.

I think asian families are odd. not the highly modernised asian family where they are super liberal with their feelings. i'm a liberal from a conservative family. We dont articulate our feelings. But i think its the small little things that matter . Like a certain gesture tht my dad rarely does it enuff to convey e msg, rather thn saying it out. So even if i dnt say anything and just sit in front of the teevee with my mom w/o uttering a single word, is enuff to qualify as spending time with her. I u/s what willy means now. And like yea, u can say that partying is at night and what not but i think u know that u're argueing like " a slanderous witness in court" ( hahaha) cuz its not the same.

I know i'll be missing out on a shitload of fun. But..shrug. It wont feel right.
{ 3:23 PM }

{ 11:41 AM }

Post exams has been insane costly. Busted too much $$ on decadence, retail therapy and fun. Not to mention the collateral. sigh. I LOST MY EZ LINK I AM SO SAD. I REALLY AM. SO SAD.

ok. i shall end it here. am too tired for an insightful post!
{ 10:56 AM }

You are The Tower

Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.

The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.

The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

{ 8:06 AM }

ANOTHER REASON TO PARTY TMR. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
{ 2:02 AM }

I dont know how open i ought to be with my feelings . I dont want my (brutal) honesty drive you away. Will you mock me? laugh at me? Snigger ? say screw you , you deserved every fucking bit of it? I do. But i dont care. I dont care that " i deserved it". I dont care about regret . Because i'm done hating myself for things i cannot change. No point. I cant feel. That feeling? so distant. so..alien. foreign. I cant help what i feel and i'm glad tht it doesnt have to be that clandestine. and i know you dont like to talk about things so there's no point. not like i want to talk as well. no point. i know and i agree.

i typed a whole sentence and i backspaced it. This is about as open as i can go.

shrug

Im lovin the lack of boy trouble right now. ^^
{ 12:48 PM }

There are bullet holes where compassion used to be

Hanabanana Choo Wei Chen Ben Fong Nick Gary

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