mommys-lil-monster

2011-02-25T22:53:00.000-08:00

We're all here because we lost control

prokraztination

2011-01-23T07:55:00.000-08:00

" Delay is the deadliest form of denial" - C.Parkinson

Chasing fireworks

2011-01-19T02:38:00.000-08:00

whats love? we all talk about it, feel it, hate it, crave for it and miss it but no one knows what it actually is. When people talk to me about love, i feel my self enter a trance where the person's voice fades into the background and my eyes goes blank. my mind begins to wonder - whats love?

Ended 2010 feeling all miserable. 2011 is not a year to look forward to. Resigned myself to yet another boring new years until the most uncanny thing happened, we spent it chasing fireworks. To the outsider it sounds horrible lame and stupid but i never felt so alive in a long time. it was like i caught fire again.

And probably the most incredible part was that i was watching it with you. Cant believe we were watching it together, again.

2010-11-23T08:24:00.001-08:00

I hate light, you know i hate light. Dont make it look so pretty burning.

2010-10-16T03:13:00.000-07:00

Should i have held on? Feel like i should have but i know its wrong. Its so different. And the fact tt you chose to let me go defeats the purpose of staying anyhow. Go on and tell all your friends i'm a fucking whore. whatever. i cant be bothered. nothing new there. yes its my fault and i suck.

2010-09-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

I was never special. I was never good enough for you. I am such a fool. I can just imagine the amount of people celebrating right now. I am the stupidest piece of shit.

Its been a while

2010-07-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

Ever since i stopped being unemployed, i have been v busy with work. Since i can use the internet at work and after i finally got a bb, i cant rmb the last time i used my laptop. I think it was 2 weeks ago, just to install MS OFFICE. Anyways, in case anyone is wondering, i'm fine. Not fine fine but same old fine. Blogging more often in my lj cos its more private.

2010-04-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

When you walk away i will not tap ur shoulder or call out to you. When you walk away you will cease exist in my mind. The past year will be a void. I do not want to have anything to do with you when u walk away.

2010-04-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

The patterns they control my mind. Those patterns take away my time. Hello, goodbye :'(

Today was a pretty day

2010-04-20T05:39:00.000-07:00

wake up you're getting high on your own supply
oh baby you're still alive when you could've died
the world is not round because of you
you know i'm not around because of you

you've got a mouthful of diamonds
and a pocketful of secrets
i know you're never telling anyone
because the patterns they control your mind
those patterns take away my time
hello, goodbye

When i lose control i'd like to hide in the corner of my room or just curl up on the floor. i weep because you refuse to help me. you're never here but i see u standing over me. Sucks so much at first but then it gets better. I feel oddly comfortable. All alone and feeling shitty like that.

I should have known

2010-04-19T06:03:00.000-07:00

i was looking forward to having u here.

2010-04-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

Can u guys please STOP asking me about my future. I dont plan ahead. The End. Stop asking me what i want to do or PLAN to do OR what im doing now to PREPARE. fuck. plan plan plan for WHAT when i alr have an END PLAN in the near future. fucking redundant. And this whole adult thing is depressing enough. STOP BRINGING IT UP BECAUSE IT UPSETS ME DEARLY. god dont u fucking understand.

Stop making me miserable

2010-04-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

omfg i'm damn pissed. Was racing against time to upload pictures from my camera coz i saw the batt light blinking and halfway through my cam died. fuCK.

am also fucking pissed off because my nose has been leaking off and on.

I cant wait to get my exams over and done with and start werkkkin. moneh moneh moneh i need moneh

Whatever happened to the love that we once knew, we both chased? I used to be so giving and tolerant ( yes. believe it or not). Now everytime we fight/bicker i want to just up and leave and have nothing to do with you. I know i can survive without you

when i left this morning i didnt forget the wristlet. i left it behind on purpose.

god idk wtf is wrong with me. Its not that i dont love him anymore. i still do.

2010-04-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

god i'm too used to you.

2010-04-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

I am so bloody outraged by the wikileak video. BLOODY OUTRAGED. Don't they know the implications of posting such a thing. As if anti-Americanism is not at its zenith. There's alr enough hatred between both camps. Fucking hell. edit the video somemore. so not objective. what an irony. argh.

2010-04-05T21:35:00.000-07:00

Whats with kids today and folk,classic rock and oldies. I almost feel uncool being so unfamilarized with them. SORRY. im too softcore. judge me judge me! put a label on me!

2010-04-02T05:26:00.000-07:00

you are no longer good for me. fullstop.

2010-04-02T04:54:00.000-07:00

I feel this nervous pit in my stomach. I feel tt something might go terribly wrong. sigh.

2010-04-02T03:31:00.001-07:00

I'm bloody pissed off.

until we bleed

2010-04-02T02:44:00.000-07:00

I'm naked I'm numb I'm stupid I'm staying And if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin. Lights black Heads bang You're my drug We live it. You're drunk, you need it. Real love, I'll give it. So we're bound to linger on. We drink the fatal drop then love until we bleed. Then fall apart in parts. You wasted your times on my heart. You've burned and if bridges gotta fall, then you'll fall, too. Doors slam lights black;You're gone. Come back stay gone stay clean. I need you to need me.

2010-03-31T04:19:00.000-07:00

your lies keep coming back to haunt me. I cannot let this go.

2010-03-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

Weekday apprehension. the torment begins

Second guessing e v e r y t h i n g

2010-03-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

An end to another hellish week. The start of another hellish one....?

I get all jittery and nervous every Sunday because weekdays are filled with trauma, uncertainty and bad bad bad feelings. nth good ever comes out of mondays tuesdays weds and/or thursdays.

Then the weekend comes and it gets better coz i have you by my side. sigh. but still.

Sucks. that i can't unknow what i alreayd know.

All my bags are packed i'm ready to go

2010-03-25T00:14:00.000-07:00

Every day is hell. Getting through each day is a torture. My mood hinges on your behavior, which is nothing but erratic. One day you're nice and the next you want to have nothing to do with me. You say you need me but i dont see how. You dont tell me anything you dont come to me for anything. I keep asking myself what i'm doing here. I no longer feel the same way as i do. I can only be so selfless with you so selfish. I want to start looking out for myself. I dont want to rely on you anymore. I feel as though my life is at your mercy and i wnt have it. Not anymore. I want to take control of my life. I dont need you. anymore.

Last night was epic. There were so many things wrong with it i dont even know where to start. you make me see you in a different light, you Disappoint me.

I think i have done a mighty fine job taking all the shit you have thrown at me. I gave it my all. I no longer have the strength to carry on. if pushing me away is your plan thn well u've succeeded. The next time you walk away i'm not gonna hold you back.

arghauhwiuerhjdfkdcniweh

And everything's a lie. Your stupid promises. You went back on them. I no longer trust your promises. I no longer trust that i'm safe with you. "Trust me " lol omg tt was EPIC. E.P.I.C

i still mean what i said. I wnt give up on you. probably not as friends but definately in heart and in mind. Cant let you do this to me anymore. I keep telling myself that maybe i ought to be more unstanding. Dont know what the fuck is wrong but maybe just MAYBE i ought to be less hard on you. Then i realised that no matter how awful one feels, one should never take it out on anybody. You make me feel like a thorn in ur A-hole. Just talking to me on the fone is such a god damn chore. So if u have issues thats fine, and if u need me i'm here. BUT the thing is, you dont?! lol. all you do is push me away. so srsly, what the FUCK am i doing here. lol

2010-03-23T05:22:00.000-07:00

argh. why do people like to lie to me. Even if you do, can u PLEASE Do it with more...sophistication? its terribly insulting. Just because i went along with it doesnt mean you've succeeded in the bluff. I know.

Dumb fucks. fucking pissed off.

Two weeks and we had caught on fire

2010-03-17T02:55:00.000-07:00

Wave good bye
To what you were
The rules have changed
the lines begin to blur
She makes you hard
It comes on strong
You finally found
the place where you belong

Keeps on and on
She will not let you go
Keeps on and on
This time I'm not coming back

2010-03-12T03:39:00.000-08:00

I think male group dynamics is the dumbest thing ever. Its the advantage of the weaker. The pathetic ones that dont have a fucking life. so they work the group think to their advantage, to bring their bros down to the same pathetic level as them. No one loses, though. They're all satisfied. They are miserable. but hey, at least they have each other. one for all, all for one. if one of them is sad lonely and depressed. Everybody ough to be like tt too.

yes. i'm fucking biased.

2010-03-10T22:43:00.001-08:00

grossly unhappy and constricted.

2010-03-10T04:47:00.000-08:00

OK i had a major epic fail moment last night. i am stronger than this. deep breaths.

2010-03-05T11:15:00.000-08:00

was happy for a moment. only for a moment.

2010-03-02T03:03:00.000-08:00

*Neversweet 'no love ' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
by the time u reply the sun rise alr

Cotton Teeth says:
lol
i playing some stupid game
u wanna play
telemarketing one
LOl
http://games.adultswim.com/fantasy-telemarketer-puzzle-online-game.html
fun

*Neversweet 'no love ' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
NO
fantasy telemarketer puzzle
wow
so interesting

Cotton Teeth says:
LOL

*Neversweet 'no love ' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
lol

Cotton Teeth says:
must try to sell products

*Neversweet 'no love ' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
WOW! REALLY?

Cotton Teeth says:
YA!!!

Get out

2010-03-01T08:15:00.001-08:00

out the door, out the door, you've become an intolerable bore

2010-02-27T12:25:00.000-08:00

Just came back from meeting clement not too long ago. Back in the old days he was always there to listen to my troubles and shit. that boy made me laugh the moment i saw him. <3 god i miss the guys. i miss my friends. i need to get out more. i need to stop shutting myself up.

2010-02-27T05:54:00.000-08:00

i'm so confused. I dont how what to say i dont know how to act.

2010-02-25T19:44:00.000-08:00

I did surprisingly well for my stats assignment and quiz. Not awesome but i surpassed by expectation. I guess this is the encouragement that i need. I am motivated.

2010-02-22T09:54:00.001-08:00

Its becoming increasingly obvious.

2010-02-19T13:15:00.000-08:00

Feel like i'm fighting a losing better. Always believed in not gg against the grain but somehow i feel like fighting. somehow i think there's something worth pushing for. Im starting to think that even if there is, its no longer in my hands anymore. It seems like nothing i do will ever be enough. nothing i do will change you. You have put a label on me and you wont view me in any other light. How do i convince you that i'm really trying. If only you could take a trip in my head. O well, no room for lamentations. I gave my best and should you fail to recognize them thn i shudnt blame myself. i shouldnt take it out on myself when the person behind the wheel is you. I tried.

Beaten down again. I belong to them.

I've begun hurting myself- something i have not done, to such a large degree, to myself for a long time. I feel rotten. The modos operandi for now is that i suck. i suck. i suck. I suck.

2010-02-18T17:47:00.000-08:00

w called me agn sigh

2010-02-17T11:36:00.001-08:00

For all the years tt ive known him, I think this is the first time i'm hearing willy cry. ayorr. stop crying laahhh.

2010-02-15T11:44:00.000-08:00

There's something about Bjork tt makes me want to sway like tall grass or jiggle around like an amoeba.

2010-02-14T11:25:00.000-08:00

i had the best valentines day of my life. yon really made my heart melt. :3

I wonder why i tend to get caught in situations like these. I do not think she is worth it. i never thought she deserved him. Its not that i dont want w to be happy. i do. but not with her. Even if he doesnt think so, just how much are can he possibly give without getting anything back in return? There will come a time when his efforts run dry. i guess love is blind.

I shant intervene in kiddish affairs. Watching the entire thing from a third person's perespective was enough to warrant a non-intervention. There is nothing to fight for. Even though i was mildly incensed. Felt like shit but i thought he deserved to know. yes, on cny and vals. like you said, u have to hurt to heal.

on a brighter note, i have been making full use of the term break to SLEEP. yes. to the extent of FORCING myself to sleep a little ( >1 hr) longer. oooh. this reminds me of the dream i just had. i dreamt of a plane ( Tiger Airways) parked in the middle of VIVO about to explode and i was dead close to it. i could see the boiling amber. thn i dream of a dozen of pythons. and a really nice shower room. hahahaha. D'ohhh

2010-02-05T05:56:00.003-08:00

i am weak i cannot change. you'll never change ur impression of me. it will never be enough.

No bra no panties

2010-02-04T03:23:00.000-08:00

Clubbing last night was an epic fail. Boring + drama + 2 merlions. hmm at least i got to witness a nasty catfight?

The more i think about it, the more i believe that reason is dehumanizing. It leads us away from our instincts..being civilised. laughs. Restraint restraint.

2010-02-02T05:40:00.001-08:00

I am dispicable

2010-02-01T23:55:00.000-08:00

Love is not enough

ps. i want to attend a music festival in europe. those mad insane one with large towerring mushrooms.

2010-02-01T00:40:00.001-08:00

i miss you. we shud hang out soon (:

2010-01-30T00:22:00.000-08:00

quote of the day: " cant i have a life outside you?"

blink blink

I want to have a life outside you too.

2010-01-28T07:02:00.000-08:00

I'm not loooking forward to it but i know that when the time comes, it'll be the right decision and that we'll make great friends.

2010-01-25T08:27:00.000-08:00

Is it so. wrong. to want to be treated like a girl. is it so goddamn wrong. i want the ballooons, the hearts the flowers the pink the lovey. i'll meet you in a frilly dress. i'll have a ribbon on my head. aye. fucked up.

2010-01-24T09:06:00.000-08:00

i feel like there's something missing. do you?

I've been having alot of disturbing dreams lately.. and i feel that they have hit a whole new level. Its not just chase dreams anymore. my dreams are gorey and.. a little haunting. i dont even noe how to put it into words.

whats amazing is i remember them. i remember the scene, i remember how afriad and helpless i feel at the point in time. i remember it all.

*

The weekend has come and gone just like that. Although it had a slightly rough start it ended well. I spent 'quality' time with my boyfriend, i got to catch up and meet up with my bffs and hang out with ' the old bunch' . well sort of. Interestingly enough, to me, the best part of the weekend was the twenty odd minutes we spent outside nlb. i wish we had more of that.

2010-01-20T08:20:00.001-08:00

Smells triggers memory.

2010-01-19T06:37:00.000-08:00

The stress began on the first day of school. Determined not to have to rush essays or do lastt minute mugging, the first week saw me making a mad dash here and there to get all the stuff ready. print the readings, sell the books, read the readings, plan the essays AHERAIWEUHFKJDAFB Before i know it , its the second wk of school.. ANOTHER SET OF READINGS, another wk closer to dateline, another assignment due. D:

To make things worse i lose my fone, my body fucks up..concerts to attend, birthdays to celebrate...and then there's the boy. Sigh.

School means gg into hermit mode. which sucks because i miss my friends and i miss the boy.

We've been fighting alot lately. I like to thing that most, if not all of the problems are self-inflicted. Times like this makes me remember when i swore of relationships. Not because of the hassle, but because I cant sustain it. Srsly, its not you. its me. I abhor the lonliness and yet i cant coexist with another. ohmaigod i hate myself.

2010-01-14T09:07:00.000-08:00

i've lost you

2010-01-14T08:40:00.000-08:00

Must punish self. must punish self must punish self must punish self must punish self.

2009-12-30T04:56:00.000-08:00

get so tired i cant think get so stoned i dont think. you are not my superman.

jealousy

2009-12-28T09:53:00.000-08:00

2009-12-27T10:41:00.000-08:00

~~innocence~~ Never had it. Its too late now.

And i realise, you make me really happy.

2009-12-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

surprise surprise
I dont know how to react to this one

2009-12-25T02:11:00.000-08:00

hello all. i think i have a problem. i'm pretty sure its a problem.

2009-12-25T02:01:00.001-08:00

argh. somebody just kill me. i hate myself.

2009-12-22T03:04:00.000-08:00

Dont you mother fucKing get it. I dont want to be alone tonight.

2009-12-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

Cher why so aggro?

i'm so glad i went tonight i had fun. i love audrey.

i'm your freak bitch baby. poor thing.

2009-12-14T05:45:00.000-08:00

This week i.. caught ninja assassin with shaney and audz, crubbbed on weds, cut my hair on thurs, helped aud out with her flea and the boy with his uni stuff on friday. played jenga, pictionary and tabboo and had a nice chillout bbq to end the week. naise.

<3<3

2009-12-05T10:51:00.001-08:00

This week has been good. Got my exams over and done with. Got to spend time with the boy. Got to hang out with audrey. Got to meet and have fun with the people i love. <3>not good

the boy looks so cute when he sleeps. like a baby. literally.

" you're a ball"

ok. this is a happy post. hadnt had one in a long time. i'm really really happy tonight. feel blessed to be in the company of my friends. All i'm missing is you in bed with me. :o

slaps myself. ok bai.

2009-11-30T11:08:00.000-08:00

I feel lonely. I wonder how much I'll hurt when it ends. With my 'new found strength' and everything.

daiyum. another pimple D: rawwrrrrr

love game?

2009-11-27T02:06:00.000-08:00

Men. Only interested in the thrill of the chase. they bear their hearts out in the most noble, self-sacrificial manner to get u on by their side. they candy coat their actions and words with the sweetest mix . And when u finally give in. when they are finally sure that your heart belongs to them and no other they cant be bothered to give a shxt about u anymore. pffttt. so the thing is u gotta keep running . u gotta keep maintaining just enuff distance to make him want u but not to bore him away. s0o0o0o0o0o annoying! and tiring.

RAH

2009-11-26T11:41:00.000-08:00

hi darius. u're prolly the only one who still reads this space. laughs. see u soon

Think i'm growing fat. exams make me fat. :(

2009-11-25T11:55:00.000-08:00

4am. i'm about to crash.

Had this interesting conversation with the boy last night. Made me ponder about how right is it to put your heart out. For me i like to be safe. I need to know that the guy is worth it before i offer him my palpitating organ. I need to know that if he ever does stab it or smash it. it'd be worth it. Is this wrong????

why is willy exposing himself when clearly, the risk of a heartbreak is...almost not a risk at all; its almost certain. I dont understand.

whats right?

For me, its the fear of my significant other harbouring some ingenuine motives behind his seemingly honest/truthful/best guy i cud ever ask for persona. Or maybe its the acknowledge that since i'm capable of suckering..he's equally capable..and i dont want to be the hare. i'm so paranoid about what others might think of me that i'm not willing to take a leap of faith. Is this..wrong? Is this detrimental ?

i doubt i'm the only one. Im pretty sure most people are this way. we all want the purest most infinite form of love but are scrambling, on our limbs, in pathetic desperation for a crack or glitch which will allows us to cheat the system..even if its just abit. thinking that maybe, maybe its possible us to reap more than what we sow. To get more in return than the meagre effort that we put in.

Even if u do succeed, i dont think it'll feel right. Everything just goes downhill from there.

2009-11-21T09:45:00.001-08:00

ok i am damn irritated . I hate talking to people who do not know how to talk. If u got nothing better to say, just shut up. If u're feeling cranky, keep ur snide remarks to urself. If u're too insecure to say something stupid thn STFU as well. I dont appreciate people with no sense of humour, i dont appreciate boring conversations. if u wanna talk to me u damn well better be cordial. rrrr

2009-11-20T12:59:00.000-08:00

I keep writing myself into rust, its all around us. Get naked and get into bed right away. Get naked and get into my arms as fast as you can...

i layed below him. feeling absolutely vulnerable with nothing serpating us except the delicate nature-ordained barrier of the flesh. When he kissed me i couldnt help but smile as anthony green crooned in his unique fashion...

...she loves me so....SHE LOVES ME SOO-OHHOHHHH

2009-11-19T11:41:00.000-08:00

love of my life. the only one in my heart- you make me feel ugly

2009-11-19T05:07:00.000-08:00

Argh. i wasted more time thn i ought to on the goddamn article on class politics by greg luebbert. AND I HATE IT. I HATE THE ARTICLE I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. middle class peasants, landed elites, rural poletariat, oewrjfihdfawejfdn FUCK U

on a lighter note, baby ordered macs for me this morning. HOT CAKES MY FAVOURITE. now i know why he forbid me to have macs lat night. now i know why he wanted me to wake up at 9 in the morn to study. so sweet. cant stand it. <3

ok i'm off for a nicotine break. CRANKY CRANKY CRANKY.

2009-11-18T12:04:00.001-08:00

I feel so far away from the boy that i dont know what to say. I have not had the chance to talk to him properly in two days and i'm not particularly upset about it. dont really know what to make about that. Guess i'm too preoccupied with work. Which means this is a damn good time for him to meet all the cunts he has to meet before i'm finally free.

2009-11-15T07:45:00.001-08:00

"Women tear each other apart. Girls think I'm a slut, and I've been in the same relationship since I was 18. The problem is, if they think you're attractive, you're either stupid or a whore or a dumb whore. The instinct among girls is to attack the jugular." - Megan Fox

2009-11-11T11:54:00.000-08:00

You dont care because you dont know how it feels....yet.

thats right babeh, i'm going crazeh

2009-11-09T10:58:00.001-08:00

while willy's having his anger bouts, i'm have like anxiety bouts. Its insane. i'm insane. I confess that i do not have a sound frame of mind. Again and agian i find myself struggling between two. Being myself, being honest and truthful and bring myself to love sb else makes me so goddamn vulnerable that i find myself clamouring for protection. The right form of security, the right form of comfort and assurance. The right form comes rarely. .. second..best.

The only viable way out is distance. I have exposed myself too much and who better to help me than myself? sigh.

2009-11-09T10:20:00.000-08:00

Well I wish there was someone,To love me. When I used to be someone,a nd I knew there was someone,that loved me. As I sit here frozen alone,Even ghosts get tired and go home,a s they crawl back under the stones. And I wish there was something. Please tell me there’s something better. And I wish there was something more than this,Saturated loneliness.

and i wish there was something, i wish there was something better. please tell me there's something better.

2009-11-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

baby, i'm electric! says:
domdomdom
what are you doing

*Neversweet 'no love ' mommys-lil-monster.blogspot.com says:
doing notes for social work
groans
was gon complain to u
FUCKING DRY AND BORING LAH

baby, i'm electric! says:
hahaha
hurhur, sounds like bad sex

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA?!?!!?!?

2009-11-03T09:50:00.000-08:00

you're right.

2009-11-01T00:24:00.000-07:00

He looked me in the eye and told me that i was his precious. unbelievable. I was speechless. I looked away. i couldnt handle him lying straight in my face.

well . he's back. Back to the same ol cycle..? sigh.

I think i've changed..or not.

I dont know if i can handle..this. the insecurity that eats me inside out.

And its not that i dont wanna write to him. Its just tt everytime i think of writing something, the words string out a completely ominous letter. which isnt exactly what he's gg for anyway. so i refrain. sigh

sigh. why am i doing this.

2009-10-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

sigh.

2009-10-23T11:54:00.001-07:00

But i'm having more torturous nights.

2009-10-23T09:40:00.001-07:00

This just proves. That there's no point. In trying to be who i'm not.

2009-10-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

I feel weird. Like queezy..anxious..and slightly happy. Its odd because i have no reason to be nervous or happy. Its just another normal night, another normal night with a shitload of shit to do.

2009-10-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

When you hurt i hurt. When you hurt i hurt. When both of you hurt i hurt double. I feel slightly at ease now that i more or less have an idea what my IR essay is gon be about.

its 2.22 and im mooven to bloody beetroots. haha! \m/

I miss my boy.

2009-10-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Wow i'm so proud of myself. I survived an 8am-12am day without napping or feeling excruciatingly fatigued! i guess i'm tired. I hope b's okay. my right eye twitched. It signals impending bad luck so0o0..anything but him..anybody but him.

Seeing janice tmr. EGGCITED! Am forgoing clubbing for her. chilzzz. Its not right partying with the wrong crowd. u're having fun but not fun. I prefer to stick to my own friends. people that i'm familar with. They've got my back and i dont feel a need to be medicated.

Talked to drey drey on the phone just now. Miss her voice. Cunt wait for her to come back. It sucks to see her like that. to see my friend hurting and knowing i cant do anything. I dont know what to do. I want it to stop and while its obvious what she ought to do.. u can never say fo sho. I'm an pessimist so..i tend to give up easily. but sometimes, sometimes, when u persist long enough..things will work out. shrugs. i've seen miracles happen. But no. not me. i believe in doing whats best for the self. because the self is most important.

2009-10-13T06:48:00.001-07:00

Ok. Ive decided ( more or less). I'm gonna shop. I'm gonna put all the idle time i have on the weekend to shop and stay the fuck away from my phone so i wont annoy my friends. this is getting out of hand. Depressing!

Groans. Its been barely a week and i'm DYING. faster come back leah.

2009-10-12T10:14:00.001-07:00

omgomgomgomgomgnotenufftimenotimenotimenotimenotime.

2009-10-11T07:12:00.001-07:00

This is so stupid. The boy goes to away and we end up wasting expensive text messages on arguments. hilarious. really. Tsk tsk. just can let things go. I dont get it. So what if you've made your point. What satisfaction do u get in repeating the same thing over and over again. so what if " i fucked up"? Lol. i fucked up thn i fucked up la. so are you gonna do ANYTHING about it? other than yakking. because if not then STFU. sometimes you make me wanna beat you to the ground and kick your face so that you can just stop nagging. Geez, even my own mother doesnt nag that much. rofl.

Argh. damn irritated. Ok. refuse to reply. Am not going to waste any more money on silly texts.

2009-10-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

I dont understand myself. puzzling. I dont get it. D:

2009-10-06T14:07:00.000-07:00

i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life. I DONT WANT DRAMA I DONT WANT DRAMA . FUCK.

2009-10-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

The amount of readings i have to do are insane. I still cant quite wrap my fingers around the fact that i spend most of my days reading. Some times, I spend the whole day reading. Its insane!!!

I just found out that I have a shitload to study for IR midterm. like SHITLOAD. on top of the eurp essay and the IR essay and the impending locke essay and the sw report. fuck.

2009-10-05T10:40:00.000-07:00

The thing is. I dont want to lose that memory ever. Because it is arguably the most memorable, bestest moments of the past. I dont want to forget.

2009-10-04T09:08:00.001-07:00

Aye, its a phase. cant go back. no regrets. poignant. but it had to be done.

oh a lighter note, while reading the second treatise, i realised the word ' shew' kept popping up. thn after a while OH MY GOD. he meant ' show' ahahaha. he spells show and shew. and choose as chuse. so cute!!!

its not the end of the world

2009-10-04T06:38:00.000-07:00

I dont know if i should do this. I doubt i'll regret it. i'm prepared

Covenant.

2009-10-02T04:26:00.000-07:00

Happy one day and shitty the next this sucks so much. I just want to move on and concentrate on the good and not dwell on the bad. I dont like to dwell on the bad. Shit has happened, and mulling wont do any good so why'd you wanna mull . Why cant you just put it behind you and move forward. I know its not easy but that doesnt mean you shouldnt or ought not to make the effort to.

I dont like passiveness.I like decisive people.

and i hate making the journy with the knowledge that you're gonna be difficult later. At this point u'd say its like you can help it. well yes, i do believe that you can help it but if thats what you think thn so be it. be that as it may, it still sucks. sucks tt i have to sit and watch you engage in deep thought about god knows what. feeling utterly redundant.

2009-09-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

I think i much rather have my past lovers hook up with sb hotter than me. Then at least i can feel happy for them. Now i'm just disturbed. disturbed. period.

i'm so eggcited. cant w8 to see my friends. have not seen them in a while. riot riot riot!!

2009-09-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

I should have listened to her
So hard to keep control
We kept on eating but
Our bloated belly's still not full
She gave us all she had but
We went and took some more
Can't seem to shut her legs
Our mother nature is a whore

i'm sleepy at 12.35am. yay.

Been having some independence issues of late. Some days i feel like i cant live without you but it always ends the same. Always ends with me by myself, realizing that hey i'm still here

As if i'm some sort of saint.

2009-09-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

oh my gawd. gabe from cobra starship is like so effing kiute.
" which star would you wanna take on the buswith you?"
" taylor swift because she's so good we gotta make her bad"

HAHAHAHAH. SLAPS MYSELF. he so kiute lah. fuck.

2009-09-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

We're all alone in the city..My hands are stoned with pity. I could get by or get high with fifty yeah. And I, I, I, don't feel pretty. Today. And there's a lady in a stable...Her daddy reads her fables. About the moon and his bride. He's in her room every night. And feeds upon a table Of silken robes, an altar of stone... But the child is unable to run run run and flee his tower of babel, so blood blood blood, slithers down her ankles

Its like you're only happy when you're sad and its killing me. whats the point. well if this is that you want... it was never what i intended. I hate losing myself. I hate losing ktrl and lashing out. But you want drama. right? - i hate it more than anything.